to want to leave my husband

[babybooboo123]

im 21 hes 51 we have 3 kids which I don't have a bond with one child of them, he adores the child which I don't, he doesn't give my other 2 children any attention (rather tell them to shut up or go to bed... bare in mind they are all under the age of 4) we are always arguing over the child I have no bond with, all the child does is cry and hit the other 2, youngest child is 7months. so when the the child hits the others they will go to there room to cool off, and all my husband says is'#@*&?! been in that room all day, or you F ING hate your own child, basically the sun shines out of child's arse, I am always in the wrong. I have about 4 to 5 hours broken sleep every night whilst husband sleep like a baby. I wake up I change there nappies . do there breakfast and husbands , then I start cleaning cooking playing with 2 children whiled daddy has other 1 on his lap kissing cuddling playing and ignores the my 2.
anyway we have moved home 6months ago and we have done nothing but argue, if he wants sex he must have or he wont talk to me. he controls the money as he says i will just buy anything. he wont put my name on tenancy as he think I would tell him to leave and keep the house (but I wouldn't do that as I hate this house it is soooo isolated and everyone is old!)
when I do a Tesco shop online he want to check what I have put on, so I can't put chocolate or snacks on, I can't go out shopping unless I take all the kids as he says I am NOT BABY SITTING, all I do is cry STRESS and feel like I have no responsibility ,,, but when I ask him these question when I have a visitor round he says I dont stop you going or doing what u want, you know if u want so money you get some, but its lies, basically I want to leave him and take the 2children but leave 1 with him, but he would take my phone off me so I couldn't call no1 he wouldn't give me any money so I couldn't get anywhere he wouldn't let me take any clothes as he says I brought them, I wouldn't know what to do where to go no money just me 2 kids ages 3 and 7months , oh I forgot he smokes weed and makes me feel belittled as he can but weed but I can't buy a chocolate bar for a pound, I live where there is no transport and no1 i know so I could go there house. I am fucked, im fed up what would u do , many thanks x

Well the general consensus is that a child is better off with a parent and the father doesn't sound like someone I'd want to leave my baby with!

I'm sure they can. But i just don't think that's the case here. Not saying he isn't absuive obviously but the Op herself has given the reason why she hasn't bonded with her daughter, and I've no reason to disbelieve her.

The short term solution is for the op to escape with all of the children to ensure no immediate physical harm to her daughter (her husband's behaviour towards the child ought not to be ignored).

In the long run she does need help in relation to the one child and her ability to meet her emotional needs.

But whilst she gets the help the child shouldn't be made to suffer being the child who is treated differently, the child who isn't wanted. It's just not fair.

I'm not sure what you're suggesting cherry. That she voluntarily has the child placed in foster care?

If she really doesn't want to take her (as she herself stated) then this might be a better alternative than leaving her with the father. She'd have to have made a referral to ss though as surely the father could otherwise prevent this (he has parental responsibility).

Fake it don't you? I've not bonded with DD2; it'll come I'm sure.

I hope.

OP I'll be honest I'm shocked by the way you speak about your two-year-old.

Picking, the op sounds seriously in need of help. I guess it boils down to whether she wants to take the child or not.

She's ill. She's alone and young and frightened and (sorry op) not very well educated.

I don't know what I'm suggesting, it's clearly a complex situation. On the face of it it seems like the dd would be better off in temporary foster care, but that's only me going a few posts on an Internet forum.

The op has written some alarming things about her dd, she definitely needs help and I hope she gets it.

I agree picking I'm genuinely not trying to stick the boot in, I'm just trying to make her aware this is something that she really needs to seek help for.

Someone needs to make a referral to children's services for this family.
If the OP won't go to the GP someone else who is able to needs to have the children's needs at heart.

The OP is being used as a domestic and sexual slave and that doesn't shock anybody?

I agree with Cherry, the child is my main concern here, though the marriage does sound unpleasant

Unpleasant? She's being raped and treated like a dog.

Raped? I missed that.

The child is being neglected and treated like a parasite.

And she's been given some really good advice on how to leave him (and I hope to god she takes it). She is clearly I'll and vulnerable, having to deal with the dd she hasn't bonded with on her own is going to make the situation worse, not better. Therefore the dd shouldn't be placed in that environment because it will clearly be damaging for her.

if he wants sex he must have

Or he won't talk to me. That doesn't imply to me her forces her, just that he goes in a mood if it doesn't happen. This makes him a twat of the highest order, but not a rapist. Happy to be corrected though.

Fair enough, he's still utterly vile though.

Can't any of you see how that would affect your bonding with your baby?

The op isn't giving any indication that she even wants to take the child. In fact it was she who suggested leaving her with her father.

Because she's been tested horrifically.

Go back and read her OP. She's being abused and ground down horrifically. She's being verbally abused when she does try to care for her baby, and has no confidence,

Of course he's vile, I don't think anyone is disputing that. It's just the Op herself has said she hasn't bonded with her dd because she was premature, and I think she would know why more than any of us.

I don't know what I'm suggesting, it's clearly a complex situation. On the face of it it seems like the dd would be better off in temporary foster care, but that's only me going a few posts on an Internet forum

I agree.

The OP has said some not very nice things about a 2 year old child. I'm not sure that at this time the right place for her is with her mum or dad.

The op isn't giving any indication that she even wants to take the child. In fact it was she who suggested leaving her with her father

^ agreed