Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do about dsis wedding?

196 replies

Crimblecrumble · 28/07/2015 09:02

My dsis is getting married abroad. I am pregnant and the baby will be 6 weeks old by the time we fly to the wedding, (if born on the due date, highly unlikely I know!).

The flight is 11 hours. This is my first child and know this in itself is nuts, but am not that fazed by the flight, other than my concern that at 6 weeks baby won't have had any vaccinations. I am worried about viruses the other passengers might be carrying.

I am also worried about being away from home for 2 weeks when the baby is so little and me and dh won't really know what we are doing. My whole family are going on the trip too though so we will have plenty of support.

I have 1dsis and we are really close, it just so happens we live in different countries. I really really really want to go to her wedding and I cannot bear the thought of missing her wedding. I also don't want to upset her by not going, I know that if she hadn't been able to come to our wedding i would have been devastated.

I feel like whatever decision I make I am letting someone down or being irresponsible.

Dh wants to go, but does not want the baby to be at risk. Which I agree with, if this was just a family holiday I would have cancelled months ago, but it is much, much more important.

Please help me see sense!

OP posts:
Radyward · 28/07/2015 15:37

Hi there - does the baby not have some of your immunity for a few weeks / couple of months after the birth ??
I really think you should go and feel you are overthinking things - plenty of babs go on holiday / take long flights at v early ages .
Just go and enjoy yourself-
She will probably sleep for mist if the flight anyway and lie in her buggy / pram during the cereminy - v v portable age

achieve6 · 28/07/2015 15:43

this a non-question in my view, sorry
you just don't go! Not just vaccines, but baby has no immunity to speak of and to go on the plane? I know lots of people do do it but I am with your DH.

I would also say Skype in or something.

I think you will be more stressed if you don't make a choice now, btw. I realise you will be sad missing your sister's wedding but to be honest it is just a wedding. I have a sister and lifelong friendship is the thing!

She can't be expecting you to go surely?

ChrisQuean · 28/07/2015 15:44

As for making up your mind about going "once the baby is born" these things aren't immediate. You don't give birth and think "right, now what to do about Thailand". At what point do you work out whether you can or can't go? After the passport fails to arrive? Far better to regret not going and joint in by Skype than go and have all the stress and personal admin when you should be bonding with your gorgeous baby.

ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 28/07/2015 15:54

I wouldn't go.

6 weeks post due date (DS1) I had an 8 week old baby who threw up roughly 20 times in 24 hours and cried loads (reflux). Physically I was ok but shattered and on my last nerves. We didn't even take him on a plane until he was 20 months old because of his daily sickness.

6 weeks post due date (DS2) I had a 6 week old baby who was lovely and calm. He slept. He BF well. Physically I was seriously ill with a totally unforeseen complication following the birth and seeing Drs 3 times a week for MRI scans/consultations plus twice daily injections.

Can you not try to skype the ceremony for example? Or skype a short speech during the dinner?

Original poster
Crimblecrumble · 28/07/2015 15:55

Thank you for all your replies, you have been very helpful. I think that logistically it seems like there are a lot of hoops to jump through, I have checked out my vaccinations, but cannot get any definite answers from GP, travel nurse or midwife for vaccinating a small baby. I hadn't even considered that I might not fancy/be able to sit down for the 11 hour flight! I feel like if I say now that we can't go that we can make some plans as to how we can join via skype or asking someone to read something from us. Also, I can stop stressing about it and enjoy the pregnancy.

Thank you for all the suggestions. My Dsis and parents will understand and no one wants us to put the baby at any risk.

OP posts:
WilburIsSomePig · 28/07/2015 16:02

Aw OP, I really feel for you. Flowers. You are absolutely doing the right thing though, IMHO.

buckrise1 · 28/07/2015 16:04

I would go, I had my baby in the uk and flew home when baby was 2 weeks old. Passport arrived in time, no problems at all. I then flew back with him at six weeks old to have our 6 week checks. Then flew back and forth to have injections as they fell due. Each time I flew with no other adults, just me, my baby and my 2 year old. It can be done and is easy if breast feeding, no messing about required. None of us fell ill. Better to be on hols with whole family around and plenty of help than your husband being back and work and you are on your own feeling sad about how much fun everyone else is having and guilty at missing the wedding. Having a baby doesn't have to be the end of your life and there is always medical help at the other end if the worst were to happen, assuming you are going where other people live.

elQuintoConyo · 28/07/2015 16:04

Fuck no.

Christelle2207 · 28/07/2015 16:06

I think that is the right decision op. If baby came on time or a bit early and you had an easy delivery and he/she is an easy baby you could always revisit later. In reality I think there is a 95% chance that you won't fancy it.

Pippa12 · 28/07/2015 16:18

I think you have made the right decision. Tell your sister straight away then you can stop worrying about it and enjoy your pregnancy Flowers

crazytyke · 28/07/2015 16:22

I would go

all tiny babies want is to be cuddled and fed, both of which easy on flight

plenty of time to get passport if you make an appt at an office (send dad!)

I've had 2 cesarean births and would hsve been fine to fly both times

the vaccinations are a red herring. The chances of picking up a generic respiratory virus are admittedly quite high. The chance of picking up diptheria, tetanus, polio or anything the vaccination would have offered protection against are slim to none (assuming you're talking about a westernised country?!)

whatsagoodusername · 28/07/2015 16:24

I took DS1 back to the US (10 hour flight) at 5 weeks, before vaccinations. We had to register him easy, just walked in, no appointment needed, get passports for both US and UK. It was entirely doable, although requires preplanning and your DH, not you, really needs to be in charge and handling it.

I took DS2 back to the US at 3 weeks. Again, needed all the same as DS1 before we went, and we were in the hospital for an additional three days after the birth. It all worked out fine.

Both children had passports, for two countries, by day 10.

It will not be a great flight for you, but the baby at that stage is easy. I had complications on both births, although not c-section, so wasn't in great condition. Again, your DH really needs to be in charge and handle everything.

I don't know about taking a baby to Thailand, and visas and specific vaccinations for this, but it is possible to get everything else sorted in that time frame.

Also, you cannot book a flight for a baby who is not yet born. They require a birth date before they will book the baby on the flight. You can book your flights, and phone the airline to say a baby will be travelling with you and request the bulkhead seats so you get the bassinet essential for sanity and they can note the request. Then you phone again when baby is born and add the baby to the booking and request again that you have the bassinet.

But I don't think anyone could blame you in the least for not doing it.

dixiechick1975 · 28/07/2015 16:31

I think you've made the correct decision then everyone knows you are not going and you are not letting anyone down or being pestered are you going. I was seriously ill just before db's wedding. I did go with a tracheostomy in but left after ceremony. It was a long way from any hospitals and I felt vulnerable. In the run up I felt very pressured.

ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 28/07/2015 16:35

I do wish posters would stop saying babies are easy at this age.

Their babies were easy. Others are not.

Some babies are premature and still in hospital at due date + 6 weeks. Other babies (like mine) throw up 20, 30 times a day and are bloody miserable. And still other babies have other complications.

ChrisQuean · 28/07/2015 16:38

To all the posters who say "yeah, it's ok, I did it at 6 weeks", you were all going to your home countries to a totally familiar place, probably to stay with your wonderful helpful parents, who were all set up for you. You weren't going to an unknown resort hotel for a week when everyone is on tenterhooks about wedding logistics.

middlings · 28/07/2015 16:39

Well done OP. That's a sensible decision - and it sounds like you have a lovely supportive family who will understand.

I'm sure there are plenty of ways for you to creatively join the day, even if you can't be there in person.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Thanks

Absofrigginlootly · 28/07/2015 16:40

not rtft but I most definitely would not go!!!!! I had a hideous labour which left me with a birth injury....I could hardly sit, stand, walk, lie for about 2 months...... Dad was also severely tongue tied and suffered with silent reflux and cmpi and would scream for hours and not sleep. By 6 weeks I was almost hullucinating from sleep deprivation and constant cluster feeding.

An 11 hour flight on its own would have finished me off, let alone all the organising the passport, flights, logistics at the other end (car seat safety, vaccinations etc, plus having to follow a dairy and soy free diet!!!)....you get my drift.......

Absofrigginlootly · 28/07/2015 16:42

DD not dad!! Stupid autocorrect! Blush

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 28/07/2015 16:56

Contrary to some of the previous posts, ff a small baby on a plane is an absolute piece of piss. Just take the premade bottles and voila, no sterilising necessary. I did it, admittedly on a much shorter flight than you're contemplating. You could also potentially take enough of the premade in disposable bottles with you to do you the whole trip, if you did want to go and were ff. And the actual experience of looking after a six weeker on a plane is probably going to be easy enough, much more so than eg a toddler (although not necessarily if baby is ill, refluxy etc as a pp points out). It's everything else that potentially poses a problem. Birh recovery, vaccines, passports etc etc.

thisismadness77 · 28/07/2015 16:59

I could barely sit down at six weeks.

coconutpie · 28/07/2015 18:01

It would be completely and utterly irresponsible to bring a newborn baby to Thailand. Your sister should be telling you that you are not to come because it is absolute madness that you are even considering going for a wedding. It is only a wedding. Your presence is not required for it - the only people who need to be there are the bride and groom, everybody else is a bonus.

Back out now and be done with it. Seriously - it would be extremely selfish to even consider this further. A wedding is not worth risking the health of your baby.

By the way, aside from the fact it is Thailand, I wouldn't bring a newborn on an airplane either unless it was absolutely necessary (and a wedding does not count as absolutely necessary). I didn't even want to go on a long car journey til my baby was a few months old. Despite the fact people say babies sleep a lot, some don't! And if you're breastfeeding, how on earth are you gonna manage changing multiple explosive nappies on a plane? It was a challenge to deal with explosive nappies at the start on a proper changing mat when it's your first baby, never mind in a tiny confined space of an airplane lavatory!

Just no. A wedding is not worth it. No way on earth is it.

MissBattleaxe · 28/07/2015 18:01

Although if you FF there are limits to how much liquid you can take on planes.

Caterina99 · 28/07/2015 18:06

My pfb is 5 weeks. I had an emcs with complications, but physically I feel fine now and baby does v little except sleep and eat. So yes we could probably do that trip if we had to.

Would I actually want to - hell no! Each day is different. Breast feeding is still a bit of a nightmare, finding something to wear would be torture. I doubt it would be an enjoyable experience. You don't know how you are going to feel, but i think you've made the right decision to not put yourself under the pressure of definitely going!

Hellion7433 · 28/07/2015 18:10

Even an hour in the car at 6 weeks was too much

ommmward · 28/07/2015 18:20

Definitely a good call not to go.

I flew (short flight, for work - yes yes, I know) with my oldest at 5 weeks old. The flight itself was fine. The fact the luggage did not turn up until 24 hours into my stay in a foreign country added spice to the occasion, especially since I had not stopped bleeding at that point. Oh, and the baby's infected umbilicus which flared up during our visit, necessitating a trip to the hospital for anti biotics - that was fun too.

Skype in to the wedding.