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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do about dsis wedding?

196 replies

Crimblecrumble · 28/07/2015 09:02

My dsis is getting married abroad. I am pregnant and the baby will be 6 weeks old by the time we fly to the wedding, (if born on the due date, highly unlikely I know!).

The flight is 11 hours. This is my first child and know this in itself is nuts, but am not that fazed by the flight, other than my concern that at 6 weeks baby won't have had any vaccinations. I am worried about viruses the other passengers might be carrying.

I am also worried about being away from home for 2 weeks when the baby is so little and me and dh won't really know what we are doing. My whole family are going on the trip too though so we will have plenty of support.

I have 1dsis and we are really close, it just so happens we live in different countries. I really really really want to go to her wedding and I cannot bear the thought of missing her wedding. I also don't want to upset her by not going, I know that if she hadn't been able to come to our wedding i would have been devastated.

I feel like whatever decision I make I am letting someone down or being irresponsible.

Dh wants to go, but does not want the baby to be at risk. Which I agree with, if this was just a family holiday I would have cancelled months ago, but it is much, much more important.

Please help me see sense!

OP posts:
Idontseeanydragons · 28/07/2015 09:22

Quick point. Re the passport. - you'd have to register the birth first then apply wouldn't you? Don't know how long the wait is for a new passport these says but it might get a bit squeaky!

yallahabibi · 28/07/2015 09:23

Could you leave your baby with your DH and go alone ?

arethereanyleftatall · 28/07/2015 09:24

The flight itself will be the easy bit.( I think those saying no above probably didn't do it, so don't realise how easy it is). Plenty of people do it. We did it when dd was 2 months and it was the first night she slept through.
But I think it's the logistics of getting registered and passport in time which will be the problem.

cowbag1 · 28/07/2015 09:26

Just to throw my experience in, we got our registration appt for just under 2 weeks from ds' birth (the week before Christmas!)and using the post office check and send service ds' passport came back after 2.5 weeks. So it is doable but there are a lot of variables so you will have to be super organised.

I know that for Easyjet at least, baby has to be at least 14 days old to fly. I also second the pp who said it might be more relaxing than being at home.

LilyMayViolet · 28/07/2015 09:26

But op doesn't even know if her baby will be 6 weeks old by then.

Original poster
Crimblecrumble · 28/07/2015 09:28

Thnk you for all the replies! Yes, my original plan was to leave the decision until the baby is here, but I am worries that I might turn into a stressed freak. If the baby was 2 weeks early for example we could have vaccinations and passport no problem. I don't want to spend the last few weeks of pregnancy in a 'can we, can't we' quandry. I am also worrried I could make the wrong decision after birth in a whirlwind on tiredness and hormones!

Have avoided thinking about it for months as it just makes me cry! The timing is just so unfortunate another monthh or 2 and I would definitely go, even though it would still be hard.

cowbag We are going to thailand, I intend to bf but I guess I don't know 100% if I will be able to.

OP posts:
cowbag1 · 28/07/2015 09:29

But good point above, baby will need to be registered before you can apply for the passport so it may be tight (unless you could pay for the priority service?)

snowaccidentprone · 28/07/2015 09:29

I went back to work full time when ds1 was 7 weeks Shock

But there are so many variables when having a baby, it's difficult to know at this stage whether it's doable or not.

Could you organize everything except the flights, then pick up a last minute flight if you are up to it?

fakenamefornow · 28/07/2015 09:30

I'm not sure it's doable. Also you won't be able to buy the baby's ticket until after it's born anyway so you can see what the birth's like before you decide. I think it would also depend which country you are going to and how easy would it be to get travel insurance for such a young child? You might find yourself uninsurable so check that out first.

BurningBridges · 28/07/2015 09:30

You can't assume that you will be able to breastfeed, not everyone can, so you could end up having to sterilise - going to Thailand will be impossible. Don't put yourself through the stress - if you really must go and I realise you would want to then leave baby with DH in UK.

KitZacJak · 28/07/2015 09:32

I don't think it's something you could know until the baby is born. I actually think you could get the registration and passport done quite quickly if you needed to.

But there are lots of possible complications with birth for you and the baby. Even if the birth is easy (???) it is usually difficult establishing breastfeeding etc. Not something I would want to be doing on a long distance flight.

Pippa12 · 28/07/2015 09:32

If your sister has booked her wedding whilst you were pregnant then she must've know it would be extremely unlikely you would be able to come? I think I would definitely be saying I couldn't attend now rather than dropping the bombshell nearer the time. I got married abroad and in these circumstances I would be very surprised if you came.

If you committed to the wedding and then tried for a baby, rightly or wrongly, I imagine the conversation may have a different tone from your sister.

Either way, I think the first 6 weeks is tremendously stressful adjusting to a new way of life and finding your feet, I wouldn't put yourself (husband and baby!) under any more pressure.

BurningBridges · 28/07/2015 09:32

Interesting link from NHS Direct has info here:

www.nhs.uk/chq/pages/933.aspx?CategoryID=62&SubCategoryID=63

LooseSeal · 28/07/2015 09:32

I took DD to visit her grandparents in the U.S. when she was ten weeks. While the logistics of flying with a small baby weren't as bad as I feared, and she was certainly easier to fly with as a tiny baby than when she was a toddler, with hindsight I wouldn't have done it.

I worried about her a lot, her routine went to pot and she was either awake for hours and hours or slept for hours and hours and my body still wasn't fully recovered from an EMCS.

SoupDragon · 28/07/2015 09:32

I've flown with a 6 week old baby and it was easier than with any other age child up to about 5 yrs old :)

Nevertheless, that was short haul and my third child so not so fraught with nervousness - no one can tell you how you would cope, just offer reassurances that the flight itself might be absolutely fine. If you had the baby at home for 11 hours you would be doing very little differently!

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 28/07/2015 09:33

Do what you feel is right, as pp have said if you have c section/ other unforeseen circumstances, passport etc will it be doable in time? Also, is there any chance you could just go out to visit her later? This would also give you recovery room/ settling in time and a bit more DSis time. Your DSis will be caught up in her day and you may not get that valuable time with her that you may be thinking, just a few thoughts there.

cowbag1 · 28/07/2015 09:34

Quick Google says you should have all of your vaccinations up to date for Thailand but that contaminated food and water is the issue so if bfing you might be ok? (Although I don't know if these diseases can be passed through your breastmilk?). There's no guarantee you will be bfing though.

What does you're GP think?

WilburIsSomePig · 28/07/2015 09:34

No I'm sorry, but no way would I be taking an unvaccinated baby on a long haul flight.

Idontseeanydragons · 28/07/2015 09:34

I've never flown with a new baby but I did sit close to a tiny one in a long haul to NZ and we barely heard a peep on either flight, it did seem much less stressful for those parents than the ones sat further back with a toddler Smile

Pippa12 · 28/07/2015 09:35

Won't the baby need extra vacs for Thailand too? I appreciate the importance but I, without doubt, would not take a 6 week old baby to Thailand.

19lottie82 · 28/07/2015 09:35

re Thailand, NONE of the taxis have seatbelts (well unless you're paying for an uber posh limo / private car), also the roads are full of crazy drivers and total death traps. Unless you plan on hiring a car, then safe transport with a tiny baby / car seat will be very limited.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 28/07/2015 09:38

Pure logistics say it's probably not something you can control anyway, especially if you go overdue. Registering birth and applying for passport will probably mean you'd miss the wedding anyway.

TheRealAmyLee · 28/07/2015 09:39

I also think you would struggle just with getting baby registered and a passport sorted in such a short space of time.

Speak to your midwife/hv/doc re baby flying at that age. Speak to passport office re baby passport. See if you can find out approx waiting time for registering the baby in your area.

If all these conversations suggest its possible then buy refundable tickets and travel insurance that covers you in case you are unfit to go/can't get docs organised.

Good luck!

GetMe · 28/07/2015 09:39

There is no way you should take an unvaccinated newborn to Thailand, totally and utterly irresponsible. I'm sorry OP, I know it's heart breaking but it sounds like you need someone to tell you you can't do it and you really can't.

Mermaidhair · 28/07/2015 09:40

I think you need to ask a paediatrician about risks with flying to unvaccinated baby. If you are given the all clear and you can get a passport on time then go. It will be easier than you think. But you need professional advice first.