To not know what to do about dsis wedding?

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My dsis is getting married abroad. I am pregnant and the baby will be 6 weeks old by the time we fly to the wedding, (if born on the due date, highly unlikely I know!).

The flight is 11 hours. This is my first child and know this in itself is nuts, but am not that fazed by the flight, other than my concern that at 6 weeks baby won't have had any vaccinations. I am worried about viruses the other passengers might be carrying.

I am also worried about being away from home for 2 weeks when the baby is so little and me and dh won't really know what we are doing. My whole family are going on the trip too though so we will have plenty of support.

I have 1dsis and we are really close, it just so happens we live in different countries. I really really really want to go to her wedding and I cannot bear the thought of missing her wedding. I also don't want to upset her by not going, I know that if she hadn't been able to come to our wedding i would have been devastated.

I feel like whatever decision I make I am letting someone down or being irresponsible.

Dh wants to go, but does not want the baby to be at risk. Which I agree with, if this was just a family holiday I would have cancelled months ago, but it is much, much more important.

Please help me see sense!

There will still be a chance of exposure in a resort because there will be natural movement in and out of it.

Madness - just no. It's too risky re: your health and the health of the baby

TBH, if I was your sister, there is no way I would want you to come. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you or the baby. It's not just the vaccinations, planes are a germ factory and viruses etc that adults have the immunity to throw off relatively easily can be very serious for newborns. A friend's baby died of pneumonia at 6 weeks. He had what she thought was a fit whilst feeding him - had seemed well up until then. Ambulance took him straight to UK hospital where it wasn't possible to save him.

There was a post-mortem and one of the findings was that immunity in breast fed babies naturally dips at around 5-6 weeks so he was more susceptible.

The whole thing was horrific and whilst the advice she has had with her new baby is not to wrap him in cotton wool, on the other hand, don't take unnecessary risks such as exposing him unnecessarily to germs etc in very enclosed places - you almost couldn't get anywhere worse than a plane on a long haul flight

Check how much extra your travel insurance will be to cover you for potential post-childbirth complications and the newborn.

As said above are YOUR vacinations up to date and will you be able to get them? Are they safe in pregnancy or will you have to wait till after? It was quite a few years ago but i remember my db having to get his vacinations a set time before he traveled to Asia.

A lot of ppl travel to Thailand for cheap surgery- the health care can be brilliant. With the uncertainty about dates I think op is being a bit ambitious, but some of the posts seem a bit alarmist about Thailand per se- op might be planning a 5* stay in glossy central Bangkok not a beach front hut with sea water showers

It would be insanity to go. Your sister booked her wedding date after you were pregnant, so she can't be too surprised if you can't make it.

My first DC was an EMCS and it was hard to recover from stitches, lochia
(which needs a lot of pad changing due to blood loss) sleeplessness, sore boobs, constant round the clock BFing ( at least once an hour, sometimes more). I needed monitoring and post natal check ups too.

Add to that a long flight to a developing country during post natal recovery
(whether natural or unplanned c section) and only a lunatic would consider it. That's before you even think of immunity and vaccinations for both you and your baby. Your GP might not even recommend either of you having the vaccinations so soon after the birth. The travel insurance will possibly cost the same as the flights.

When your baby is here OP, you will probably see that so many posters on here are talking sense. Your protective instincts will kick in and you probably won't even dream of trying to go to the wedding.

I wouldn't go because you have no idea how you'll recover from labour and how baby will be. Nobody needs the added pressure of an 11-hour flight 6 (possibly 4) weeks post-partum while trying to adjust to motherhood. Surely it's better to take away that pressure now and explain to your sister rather than stressing about it for months and then having even more stress about cancelling last minute?

You'd be mad to consider going. I'm so sorry OP but I really think you shouldn't put yourself under that pressure. Better to regret not going if you feel amazing than to be utterly miserable abroad and highly stressed about a newborn. I don't think this is a PFB vs second or subsequent child scenario either - I wouldn't have gone with either of mine. They both first flew at 9 weeks (short haul to Ireland) so it's not that I'm precious about having them on a plane.

A friend's sister got married in Australia and she was "at" the wedding through the medium of FaceTime!! Can you do that?? She was even walked down the aisle by one of the groomsmen. Even streaming 3G on a beach is going to be cheaper than the flights.

It's rubbish timing, but put it out of your head and come up with a plan whereby you can still participate in some way.

I come from a very close family and would be willing to make all sorts of sacrifices and complicated arrangements to attend my Dsis's wedding. But there is not a chance in hell I would go under these circumstances, OP.

I have been to Thailand and loved every minute, gorgeous place, gorgoeus people..but I wouldn't take a newborn. Your baby will be 4-6 weeks old and therefore unvaccinated. I can't imagine that your sister would expect or want you to take that risk.

While it may not be pleasant to think about, you may be recovering from a EMCS or difficult delivery. You or baby may need an extended hospital stay for some reason. You may have unforseen issues with feeding. There are just so many unknowns. You have no way of knowing whether you will be able to register the birth and get a passport in time as you don't know when baby will arrive, how they will arrive and how long you will be in hospital.

Even if none of the above apply and baby comes bang on time, you have a textbook, lovely delivery with no complications for you or for baby, even IF breastfeeding works out for you and you take to new motherhood like a duck to water, you will be recovering from birth, hormonal and dealing with some degree of sleep deprivation. If ever there is a time to put yourself first, this is it.

I would make the decision now, break it to your sister and think of something nice you can do for her (skype her on the morning of the wedding, send her some flowers etc) rather than spending the remainder of your pregnancy worrying about it.

I wouldn't go. There are too many what ifs:

What if baby gets ill
What if you've not recovered post birth
What if baby is really late

Ok, there's a good chance baby will be prompt, you'll have an easy labour and it'll be ok in theory to travel but a 6 weeks or less post partum with my 1st I just wanted to be in my cocoon at home. You couldn't have got me to abroad for any money.

I'd make a decision now. It's not fair to ask your sister to wait until last minute.

I used to live in Bangkok and lots of my friends had babies there. Believe it or not they all survived!

I'm not sure what the situation was about vaccines but it's easy to check.

So in my view it's do-able. Depending on where you will be. Up country I wouldn't but if you are in Bangkok or one of the big resorts I would. You can pretty much stay inside in the air conditioning as much as you need.

I moved countries with DS when he was 7 weeks though. And I am used to people flying with young babies.

But if I were you I wouodnt decide just yet. It's hard but at the end if the day your sister booked her wedding knowing you were pregnant and would have a very young baby. I'm sure she will understand if you say you can't decide just yet and will have to wait until you have had the baby to see what the situation is. Baby might come early so might be 7 or 8 weeks. Or might come late so be only 4 weeks. You might bounce back very quickly and feel great. You might not.

I trust it is far too close for your sister to move the date of her wedding without potentially causing great cost and inconvenience to other guests.

I've travelled by air to a wedding of a close friend with a 6 week old, post EMCS. Ironically, I missed my own sisters wedding which was on my due date. The most difficult part if I am honest was finding something to wear in my post partum haze. Feeding was established, if a bit flakey and we were all muddling along. It's fair to say that I attended the wedding in body rather than mind and spent a fair proportion of the time in a corner feeding swathed in a feeding burqa as I was wearing a regular dress which I had to pull down to feed in.

Passport was easy - the fast track service was about £80 I think but I got an apt at the passport office, visited and the passport was posted out within a day or two. In August. Can't remember for the life of me why I had to go to the PO and not DH, but I opted not to take my PFB with me and left her at home with DH while I tore across London to Victoria between feeds.... mental.

Thailand would worry me so I'd take medical advice and check what difficulties you may have if you have to mix feed with formula.

I've since had a natural childbirth and 11 hrs long haul would have been an absolute No since I couldn't sit comfortably for about 8-10 weeks.

Sorry but assuming that the vaccination issue can be managed I still think you are going to have to make a call when the baby is actually born and you have established that everyone is safe, well and fit to travel.

That or just give a big No now, and take the pressure off. I was never travelling to my sisters wedding and never gave any inclination that I would even consider it. I got momentary pressure when our PFB was born a week early but post EMCS I was only discharged 48 hours ahead of the wedding cross eyed with tiredness. In conversation with my sister earlier this year, she'd completely forgotten I wasn't even there......we're not that close but still ...big wedding, we weren't missed

Nothing prepares you for the early weeks of motherhood which really are incredibly stressful for the majority of mothers. Putting aside all the practical issues I just don't think I could deal with the stress of it all if I and my pfb were in such a vunerable state.
I first went abroad to switzerland with my pfb when he was about 8 months. That was more than enough stress for me (the thought of it mostly, the trip in the end was just about ok).

Babies survive in Thailand because they're kept safe through vaccinations and protected from public places and exposure to lots of different people when newborn. Do you think germs stop outside the door of five star hotels on Bangkok? Get real.

If you really want to go (and I understand why you do - missing my Dsis's wedding would break my heart) I feel like the only thing you could do would be to either a) leave your DP at home with the baby, b) hire a baby nurse for 72 hours and make it a very flying visit or c) see if you have a close friend who has children and would consider having the baby for three or four days. Or could your DP's parents take baby?

I think no. Others have covered the baby issue but I want to stress your own health. Even without a section, the first six weeks post partum put you at hugely increased risk for blood clots. And long haul flights put you hugely at risk toi. As someone who had a post partum deep vein thrombosis despite a vaginal birth and being fully mobile in the weeks after the birth, I say do not risk that flight, even in business class. If you do get a clot, you will likely be stuck in Thailand for weeks or months before you can fly home. Not to mention the months of pain and massive risk of pulmonary embolism and death. I am not a cautious minny by any means but this is a really serious risk to you.

I was 2 weeks late and we were in hospital for 2 weeks. And it could easily have been longer.
No way could I get ready for travelling to a wedding in Thailand after that.
Yes the flight will probably be ok for the baby but I would be uncomfortable, self conscious and probably stressed.
Of course, it's your call OP but for me, it would be a no.

Provided the birth went with no problems and I felt well enough, I'd totally go. We did an hour long flight recently with a baby who was 20 hours old. As long as he's snuggled up in a sling on your chest, he won't care. I think you would be surprised how easy it is actually. I would be bringing sterilising wipes and making sure they'd been used on everything he came into contact with. Other than that, I wouldn't worry.

You can also book special assistance in which case you won't have to walk one step if you don't feel up to it.

So many obstacles. Start by chatting to your GP or midwife.

I'm just thinking about all the NHS maternity tourists who travel home with newborns...

I went on holiday abroad when DS2 was 5 weeks old, note however this was DS2 I found going for a week in Devon with DS1 a lot more difficult being less confident as a new mother.

My SIL is Thai and she would not take an un vacinated baby to thailand.

I've done it and it was a breeze. DH registered birth the day after, just went down to the registry office, got passport photos when baby was 5 days old and paid for the speedy service and the flight and holiday were easy as could be. However, it was my third child so I knew what to expect but I did have 2 other children on the flight with me which was less fun, the baby was fine, just slept and fed. Didn't do it again till baby was 5 as from a year until 4 even a 2 hour flight was hell on earth