To not know what to do about dsis wedding?

[Crimblecrumble]

My dsis is getting married abroad. I am pregnant and the baby will be 6 weeks old by the time we fly to the wedding, (if born on the due date, highly unlikely I know!).

The flight is 11 hours. This is my first child and know this in itself is nuts, but am not that fazed by the flight, other than my concern that at 6 weeks baby won't have had any vaccinations. I am worried about viruses the other passengers might be carrying.

I am also worried about being away from home for 2 weeks when the baby is so little and me and dh won't really know what we are doing. My whole family are going on the trip too though so we will have plenty of support.

I have 1dsis and we are really close, it just so happens we live in different countries. I really really really want to go to her wedding and I cannot bear the thought of missing her wedding. I also don't want to upset her by not going, I know that if she hadn't been able to come to our wedding i would have been devastated.

I feel like whatever decision I make I am letting someone down or being irresponsible.

Dh wants to go, but does not want the baby to be at risk. Which I agree with, if this was just a family holiday I would have cancelled months ago, but it is much, much more important.

Please help me see sense!

I wouldn't go without the first lot of vaccinations. I was told it would be highly irresponsible to take a baby without vaccinations to Asia by the health department people who specialize in travel vaccinations (Norwegian equivalent to the person the HVs call when they need help with vaccination questions).

If you're able to get the first lot of vaccinations AND you get BF established properly I'd go. So obviously you wouldn't know till the baby is here.

I wouldn't take a FF 8 week old on such a trip. 1) because they don't have the extra protection that a BF baby has and 2) because there's just so much more that could go wrong regarding properly sterilizing etc. And since it's your first you might not be properly established with no problems even if BF does work - I was still struggling with DS1 at that time.

If that all works out I'd definitely go though. We took DS2 to Bali when he was 8 weeks last Christmas. We just managed to get his vaccinations before he left (8 weeks is the earliest they can take them) and didn't have any bf problems with this one. He was a breeze on the plane (bf, sleep, bf, sleep). Just make sure you have an air conditioned room as he needed breaks out from the heat during the day.

Not sure if Thailand has malaria or dengue fever mosquitoes, but if so keep in mind that you cannot use any mosquito protection on babies - only mosquito nets. So make sure you bring nets with you and have him/her covered in their pram/carrier/whatever.

I have no idea if it's related to the trip or time zone change, but I will give you a heads up that DS2 slept well until we went and during our stay (up to 6 hours straight at night), but since we got home he's never slept more than 3 hours and most nights is 1-2 hours. Go figure...

this is a classic first child versus second child issue

with my second I would have been pretty unfazed

with my first NO way

I think yanbu to say you cant go OP, as if you say YES you will spend a lot of time stressing about

where as if you say NO its done, you can relax and plan a trip when baby a bit older??

There is no way you should take an unvaccinated newborn to Thailand, totally and utterly irresponsible. I'm sorry OP, I know it's heart breaking but it sounds like you need someone to tell you you can't do it and you really can't.

This ^^ Sorry :(

I flew when my son was 8 weeks old and I had had an EMCS, however, the flight was only an hour and a half and I was staying with my parents so it was relaxing for me. An wedding abroad after a long flight would have been hideous. I couldn't have done it OP.

As others have said, the vaccinations, the passport and getting baby registered (I couldn't get an appointment til he was 5 weeks old), I had had major surgery I wasnt expecting, feeding was fucking hard. Taking my son on the flight was the easy bit but I just mentally and physically couldn't have done a long flight. What if your baby is late, or early (mine was 3 weeks early)? I was much happier and more relaxed in my own environment at that stage.

I know all births and everyone is different but I would have to back out now if I were you and I wouldn't care who was upset or anything tbh.

Well in your place now, I might consider it with what would be my 3rd child (pending registration, passport, all clear from doctor for flying, etc) but as a first time mother I wouldn't have coped well. Nor would I as a second time mother as I had a nasty infection in my c section.

I would advise to check health care options in the country you are going to for post maternity & newborn care.

In fact as a first time mother I couldn't be bothered with the stress tbh. Don't you want a relaxing time at home with your child?

My sister (we're close) would be disappointed but would understand.

I think this is far too much to ask of a tiny baby. Vaccinations take a few weeks for the immune response and you could well be struggling with BFing etc. let alone if you had had a CS or any kind of difficult birth and complications. Could you look at a Skype link at the wedding so you could be part of it?

I was a No before anyway and just saw the wedding is in Thailand. Absolutely no way.

Just read you're going to Thailand, there is no way in hell I'd take an unvaccinated tiny baby to Thailand.

There are at least 6 vaccinations recommended for travellers going to Thailand. Do not go OP.

No way would I go. I might at a stretch go somewhere like France but no way Thailand and I would expect my family to understand why.

Tiny babies often get poorly quickly and in that case you need quick access to good healthcare quickly. And chances of baby getting poorly in thailand way higher! Also as nice as food is the chances of tummy trouble for you are high which would affect breastfeeding.

You might be in a bad way after having a baby. After my first I could not sit comfortably for weeks. A half hour car journey would be about the limit.

You have to register the birth before you can get a passport- realistically there may be a 2 week wait for both which at best makes it incredibly tight. You can't fast track a first passport.

If bf didn't work out ff would be a right faff. You would almost certainly need to take as much formula as you need with you (heavy) as well as something to sterilise bottles in. I suppose the best option would be milton tablets and a bath. You would need regular access to a kettle, and ideally a fridge and microwave.

Basically it's a real shame but a bonkers idea to go IMO.

Of course you can get a passport but you need to do the check and send.

We flew when dd 4 was 7 weeks old. Exclusively bf for a holiday. It was the easiest flight with a child as they are so portable at that she and just feed/sleep.

Regards vaccinations my GP advised that she would be generally fine if bf and stayed within the family unit.

I would wait to see nearer the time. But the flight is easy at that age.

No way. I'd be concerned about the babies ears. My ears hurt a lot when flying.

Thailand is lovely, but it's not clean enough for a newborn without vaccination.

Sorry go a few months later.

Yeh sorry my previous post was based on the assumption that you are going to somewhere like America. Thailand, no, I wouldn't consider taking a young baby. Too stressful. Wait until the baby is 4 months or so

Quite apart from the baby, you should also consider your own health - at 6 weeks post partum I was unable to sit down pretty much at all, let alone for 11 hours! I know plenty of people are fine and ready to start gymnastics again after 2 hours, but plenty aren't too, so don't put yourself in a position where you feel obliged to suffer in order to get there.

I think that's decided it for me. If it was a first world country I might try to go but not to a developing one were extra health measures are needed anyway.

I know you want to make the decision before the birth but at this point you can only make the final decision you can make NOT to go. The other option is to TRY to go. There are too many variables to make a decision definitely too go.

I wouldn't do long haul at that age personally. We did take DS on a short haul flight at 8 weeks after a c-section when his passport had arrived and it was fine but 11 hours sounds tough.

I missed my brother's wedding this year as we live the other side of the world and was 38 weeks pregnant. I was absolutely devastated but ultimately there was nothing to be done.

I would go. I think you have a bit of a high after a baby and can take on lots more than you expect. I wouldn't miss my sisters wedding for anything really.

I really wouldn't go to Thailand with a small baby - it's a beautiful country and it would be lovely to see your sister's wedding but the risks of taking a unvaccinated child are just too high.

I wouldn't miss my sisters wedding for anything really.

Even the health of your new born?

Another thought OP, if you have C section your risk of blood clots are increased.
If you go in a long haul flight your risk of blood clots is increased

Adding those risks together could spell trouble for you

All very hypothetical but it would be a concern for me

We moved to America when DS was about 7 weeks old

As he is a December babe, getting passport + visa was tricky with Christmas closures, and required quite a lot of standing around in offices - not much fun a fortnight after an emergency C-section. As DH want back to work in the US after the birth, then came back to the UK to pick us up, I also had the fun of organising the house being packed up and stuff shipped etc.

We had initial vaccinations done in the UK a little early, then later vaccinations done in the US.

The flight was a total nightmare - unsurprisingly with all the disruption, bf didn't go very well, and my children anyway don't sleep as babies..

So it is possible, but whether I would bother for a wedding, especially when the trip is to Thailand (though tbh given the vagaries of health insurance, healthcare in the US wasn't much better than it might have been in a less-developed country - but the health risks are lower)

I flew with a 5 week old but it was my third DC and we were returning to the country where we were living.

We had to be super organised about the passport and this was 5 years ago when it was slightly easier (I think). She was born on Saturday evening and on Monday morning we were in the post office getting passport photos done. There is NO WAY I could have done that with DC1.

I think you have to say no. Can you have a live skype link to the wedding? I know friends who've done this, and then plan a trip in a few months time.

I flew London to a regional Aussie airport with a seven week old. All up about 30 hours travel. It was hard but not terrible. We got passports and a visa relatively easily.

I'd be checking the visa process for Thailand as that could cause an issue.

Checking vaccination requirements is a good idea too.

It's a tough one because you could so easily have a 4 week rather than a 6 week old baby.

Caring for the baby wise I would go. New borns are relatively easy to care for For myself having had a c section, still being two stone overweight and in pain and generally feeling physically completely not myself I wouldn't.

I think the other issue is whether the baby will be as old as 6 weeks - since few are on time! If you were 2 weeks late, you would be looking at a 4 week old instead.

DS was 5 days early ('great!', i thought as I went into labour) but was an emergency C-section ('but the date we move out to America is already fixed and I'm undergoing surgery' was my main thought as I was wheeled into theatre).

Facts - an unvaccinated baby and Thailand

Absolutely no way would I go.

Yes a baby on a plane is easier than a 4 year old. But this is Thailand, yellow fever etc. The risk is too great.