Pressure re baby at wedding

[DeeDee40]

Hello AIBU? Getting married in a matter of weeks. Decided not to invite kids due to cost,type and size of venue. Means that DHs nieces cant come too but thats choice were happy with. A friend contacted me today hinting re inviting her baby who will be seven months by then due to bfing! The message said that her family will have to keep him outside church and reception and phone her when he needs feeding and she hopes the next wedding she goes to will invite him!???? does she expect her family to bring her baby into my wedding ceremony and reception.so she can bf him? My DH not happy as he feels shes trying her luck majorly and if others can find babysitters some of whom have smaller babys then so can she. Not happy

[msgrinch]

The majority of weddings I've been to have been child free including family children. Some had flower girls/ page boys for the ceremony but the reception was child free.

[1Morewineplease]

Sorry OP YANBU!
Really don't understand this need to have child-free weddings. Went to one a while back ... Cousin got married and those with littluns had to go to a soundproof room ( where we had no sound at all!!!) and just three years later said cousin had a baby and was determined that her tot be at her sisters wedding!!!!
Weddings are are for family and friends not just adults!... Please come back on here when you want to say "AIBU to expect my tiny baby to attend a wedding?"

[Dynomite]

This must be a wind up. You can't possibly be this horrible and self-centred,can you? Or, possibly an even better question,your friend can't possibly be this stupid/naive to still consider you her friend, can she?

I speak as someone who is in the middle of the nightmare called wedding planning.

[TattieHowkerz]

Mrsgrinch. So "thanks for the cute pictures, now get lost while we have cake".

[MissDemelzaCarne]

This has to be one of those annoying reverse AIBUs isn't it?
No one would surely admit to being such a self-absorbed bridezilla about such a young BF baby.

Waits for reverse...

[msgrinch]

Yep pretty much, I work in the wedding industry and you see ALOT of it. Usually while the bride panics that the toddler flower girls will get dirty/grassy etc before the pictures. It can be amusing and sometimes just depressing.

[MissDemelzaCarne]

YABVVU just in case by some horrific chance this isn't a reverse.

[crispandfruity]

This is a wind up thread isn't it?!

[Sighing]

She's obviously not actually welcome as the person she is (a mother), neither are your DH's niece/ parents. Why invite thrm anyway?
You've just created the expectation that she has to be there. Now you're cross that she's trying to jump through your hoops to demonstrate her friendship.

[AnyoneForTennis]

Many weddings are spoilt by kids and babies.... Even bf ones. They don't 'discreetly feed all the time, you won't know he/she is there'

Oh no, you know they are there!

Stick to your plans op.

[dollius]

FGS, child free weddings always allow babies under 12 months. How ridiculous you are OP. It will cost you precisely nothing to let her bring her bf baby.

[ADishBestEatenCold]

Actually ... I take that back (my last post).

You and your fiance have a perfect right to have a child free wedding, including free of the children of his and your own siblings.

Just because I cannot imagine excluding my nephews and nieces from anything, doesn't mean everyone is the same. I just couldn't imagine why you wouldn't want them there (why you wouldn't want them as bridesmaids ... that's me getting all nostalgic), but that's my way, not yours, so I apologise.

I really don't understand, however, what possible difference it would make to you if lovely friend slipped out of the room, to feed her baby, in another part of the building, as long as the baby/babysitters didn't venture into the wedding area of the building.

Or is their something about your venue that would prevent that?

[manicinsomniac]

Difficult now that you've been so adamant to everyone about the no children (even family children?!) so I suppose YANBU.

I do think that people should think a bit when organising their child free events though, and make breast fed babies an exception.

I say that as someone who has never and will never breast feed by the way.

[AcrossthePond55]

Wasn't there a thread within the last month or so on the same issue from the new mother/friend's point of view?

As far as I'm concerned a bride can ask for anything she wishes to with regards to her wedding. But she also has to be gracious and understanding if a guest, be it family, best friend, or distant acquaintance, declines to attend based on her 'conditions'.

[VulvaVoom]

YABVU. and I say that as someone who didn't have children at my wedding and who was also a bit miffed when a relation brought her 7 month old along. Now however, I feel extremely embarrassed by my self centredness

[LilyMayViolet]

If your friend declined would you be annoyed with her? I think that's the main thing. Personally I think it's a bit much not to allow bf babies, it's not the same as older children at all.

[Daisygarden]

Your wedding, your choice but personally I don't think a breastfeeding baby is at all the same as (say) a 6yo.

No children doesn't have to mean no babies!

I'm sure most reasonable guests would understand the difference.

I have to say though OP that I didn't like your point that your DH thinks she is "majorly trying her luck". FGS it's a new mother not wanting to be apart from her BF baby. I would actually be at my DH if he didn't understand that. And that you have refused smaller babies than 7mo, and seem to think that's fine.

[Scholes34]

I don't understand how the presence of a 7 month baby could negatively impact on your wedding day. Your friend can sit at the back of the church and at the back of the room at the reception. Or perhaps just sit at home.

[MrsGentlyBenevolent]

Yanbu to want a child free wedding, for any reason. I'm quite jealous actually, I was looking forward to having one myself. However, in my case, we will now have our own there, a close friend will have hers (and probably another by the time we actually get back to setting a date at this rate), leading of course to every other family members' children then having to come.... Anyway, it is what it is. Really don't get the mentality of "oh but it's a family event, how dare you leave out the quite likely to get over excited, runnning around, looking 'so adorable' little mites". Kids and weddings don't really mix, especially when other people's children are not so adorable to you .

Having said this, if you do not want children at your wedding, you have to accept that some people just cannot attend. Most of them are not just 'trying to make a point' because they are so entitled in thinking their kids should be there as well - the feeding, lack of childcare, child is ill and needs a parent at home - many factors can disrupt a plan to attend. Not their fault, I'm sure they would have loved to come, but these are the choices we make when we have children.

So stick to your plan, do not feel guilty, do not make anyone else feel guilty and have a lovely day!

[Scholes34]

Trying her luck - my goodness. What mother of a 7 month old would not take an opportunity for a day and night out without their baby if it was totally possible? It's probably one occasion when the whole family would rally round to try to help and if it was at all possible, I'm sure she'd make the most of available childcare. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound as if a wet nurse is in the childcare package.

[Hissy]

By the time the little mite is walking, bet this marriage'll be on rocks anyway, they sound too selfish to make anything tangible work

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

The trouble with these things is that there's so often someone who thinks they're an exception; personally I believe you accept an invitation as it stands or simply decline politely (and without any angst coming your way for refusing) but that's just me

Maybe there's an answer that would avoid hard feelings to anyone, though ... couldn't you simply say that it's definitely no children at all, but at the same time stress how much you'd love a proper get-together later, when you can concentrate on both her and her little one?

Of course if she still carries on with the "yes, buts" then I guess you've got your answer about exactly who's being rude here