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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Pressure re baby at wedding

486 replies

DeeDee40 · 26/07/2015 16:44

Hello AIBU? Getting married in a matter of weeks. Decided not to invite kids due to cost,type and size of venue. Means that DHs nieces cant come too but thats choice were happy with. A friend contacted me today hinting re inviting her baby who will be seven months by then due to bfing! The message said that her family will have to keep him outside church and reception and phone her when he needs feeding and she hopes the next wedding she goes to will invite him!???? does she expect her family to bring her baby into my wedding ceremony and reception.so she can bf him? My DH not happy as he feels shes trying her luck majorly and if others can find babysitters some of whom have smaller babys then so can she. Not happy

OP posts:

westcoastnortherneragain · 26/07/2015 16:57

OP I'm assuming you don't have children, as I can imagine once you do you'll probably be very embarrassed about your attitude towards this situation.

Life isn't black and white, sometimes life gets in the way, it really doesn't matter if a tiny baby attends. It's not likely to get blind drunk, eat most of the buffet and cop off with a bridesmaid!

patienceisvirtuous · 26/07/2015 16:58

Oh, and yabu.

VixxFace · 26/07/2015 16:58

yabu very

tilliebob · 26/07/2015 16:58

If you'd been my friend OP, the decision would have been easy. I wouldn't have been there. My eldest do at 7 mths wouldn't take a bottle. Your tone in the OP is awful too bridezilla

BleachEverything · 26/07/2015 16:58

Trying it on. Yeah ... That's exactly what she's doing.

Indantherene · 26/07/2015 17:00

Yabvu, but you don't want to hear that.

Penguinandminipenguin · 26/07/2015 17:00

Yabvu

Kayden · 26/07/2015 17:01

You don't have children, do you?

ShadowStar · 26/07/2015 17:03

Both my DC still needed a lot of milk during the day at 7 months old. So if her baby is a bottle refuser, as some breast fed babies are, then leaving the baby for a whole day with a babysitter wouldn't be an option.

You're entitled to refuse to let the baby into the wedding. I can see that it might annoy other parents, and as you've specified completely childfree all along, it's not unreasonable to tell her sorry but definitely no babies. But given that she has a choice between not attending, or getting her family to loiter outside with the baby, I don't think it's unreasonable for her to ask if there's any flexibility to the child-free rules for breastfed babies.

Becca83 · 26/07/2015 17:04

Yabvu and not a very good friend . If I was her I wouldn't come. For some people it isn't as easy as just getting a babysitter and giving a bottle!

123Jump · 26/07/2015 17:06

OP, YANBU.
It is your wedding, your day. Why the jeff is she coming? It is only a wedding, just stay at home.
Personally I would have kids at the wedding, but it is your day and your rules.
Attending a wedding is crucial only if you are the bride or groom.

KatnissEverdene · 26/07/2015 17:10

Yabu in thinking that she should just get the baby to take a bottle. If the baby has refused a bottle thus far, it is extremely unlikely to take one now.

Child free weddings usually allow babes in arms or EBF babies.

I am assuming you do not have children?

YABVU

RiverTam · 26/07/2015 17:10

I had an ebf bottle refuser at that age. I still think she's trying it on. It's up to her if she comes or not, but the baby doesn't.

caravanista13 · 26/07/2015 17:12

YABVU! Child free weddings are fine, but breastfed babies are the exception - they can't just be left with a sitter. I assume you don't have children?

TattieHowkerz · 26/07/2015 17:13

Just reread. She isn't even asking for the baby to come, just that she can pop out to feed!

Please keep this thread and reread it when you have a baby.

Anon4Now2015 · 26/07/2015 17:14

You're entitled to refuse to let the baby into the wedding.

I may well be wrong but I don't think you are actually entitled to refuse to let the baby into the wedding or anyone else for that metter. I thought that legally marriages could only take place if anyone could attend (thus allowing people to object). As I said though I could be wrong.

pasturesgreen · 26/07/2015 17:14

It's obviously your choice to have a child-free wedding.

It's also your friend's choice to decline the invitation should she feel she can't leave the baby.

No need to be unhappy, just reiterate the child-free policy. If you value the friendship, though, be prepared for it to cool down somewhat.

Chchchchanging · 26/07/2015 17:15

It's no drama just that she prob can't come, so as long as you don't mind that that's ok

WayneRooneysHair · 26/07/2015 17:15

It's your wedding so you can do what you want, your friend can choose not to come.

Janethegirl · 26/07/2015 17:16

I think she's trying it on, both my dc were ebf and I would have just declined such an invitation. I quite understand people wanting a child free wedding. YANBU.

swallowed · 26/07/2015 17:16

God this is awful!!

You have no idea how much she is bending over backwards to be at your wedding. I'd have told you to stuff your wedding invitation...

My DS was exclusively bf because he wouldn't take a bottle. Never, not ever, not one bottle.

It's laughable how you think it's so easy to shove a bottle at them. Maybe the baby won't take a bottle, maybe she just damn well doesn't want to give them a bottle?!

You will look back at this once you have kids and die of shame. Your poor friend.

WottaMess · 26/07/2015 17:17

Given what happens to your boobs when you don't feed its not all about the baby! She will need to feed him to be not spraying milk everywhere like a firehouse comfortable and it strikes me is trying really hard to accommodate you. Fine to say no but really really she is trying, not trying it on. I wouldn't have bothered with your attitude if I'd got a whiff of how you really feel

MamaLazarou · 26/07/2015 17:17

YABU, I'm afraid. You seem to think she is being deliberately difficult but all she wants to do is go to your wedding and keep her baby fed. If you want her there, let her bring the baby. If you don't want her there, carry on being unhelpful.

ShelaghTurner · 26/07/2015 17:17

I'm 43 and have been to so many weddings over the years I've lost count. So glad I never encountered a couple like you two, hopefully never will now.

Anyone who puts their desire for a perfect, me me me day above having their friends and family with them is absolutely off their trolley.

liquoricetwirl · 26/07/2015 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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