Pressure re baby at wedding

[DeeDee40]

Hello AIBU? Getting married in a matter of weeks. Decided not to invite kids due to cost,type and size of venue. Means that DHs nieces cant come too but thats choice were happy with. A friend contacted me today hinting re inviting her baby who will be seven months by then due to bfing! The message said that her family will have to keep him outside church and reception and phone her when he needs feeding and she hopes the next wedding she goes to will invite him!???? does she expect her family to bring her baby into my wedding ceremony and reception.so she can bf him? My DH not happy as he feels shes trying her luck majorly and if others can find babysitters some of whom have smaller babys then so can she. Not happy

Sister - friend's baby was eating other food and drink by the time she was a year old. But would only take breastmilk by breastfeeding until then. And I would expect a typical 7 month old baby to need at least one milk feed during a day.

I wouldn't want babies at my wedding.

I am currently in the same situation as your wedding guest OP. The only thing that is different is that my baby is four months old.

An old friend is getting married next weekend and I've been trying to get my baby to take a bottle since he was six weeks but he won't. I text the bride to tell her that I might have to bring him along and the reply was quite short telling me that it was a child free wedding and I'd have to try every day this week. He gets really upset when I try him with it so I'm not going to force it on him for the sake of her wedding. I told her that if he can't come then I probably won't make it, the reply was along the lines of her not being able to get a refund for my place and meal and that she's disappointed that I didn't try harder when I've known for over a year that the wedding was coming.

I understand people want child free weddings but a small baby who needs to be with their mum is hardly a hyperactive child running around!

I never quite get the "it's your day have what you want" replies..yes it's the bride and grooms day but if it was just about them then there would be no need for any guests at all, all they would need would be two witnesses. So surely it is about other people to.

pika that woman is not your friend. She's disappointed you didn't try harder and has given you instructions to try every day this week?! Fuck. That.

Why would anyone make a big decision on how they feed their child because they are being held to ransom by a so-called friend?

You already call your finance DH are you already married?

Its a shame how weddings seem to have developed into more about being lavish adult only affairs than going lower cost per head and welcoming and celebrating with all their families and friends including children. My favourite part of a wedding is seeing the little dc running about the dance floor late at night or dancing standing on grandpa's feet. I've never yet been to a wedding that didn't include wedding guests children.

If you've stated its a childfree wedding, to the extent of also excluding bf babes in arms, then of course it is your prerogative to say no. But the other side of that is if she cant bottle feed/leave her baby (its irrelevant if others can bottle feed their younger babies) you are essentially making your friend unwelcome at your wedding. You choose what is more important to you, but I guess at this late stage not much you can do about it without offending others.

Yabu

It's really off to exclude your nieces/nephews from your wedding. I can't tell you how shit this is. I bet your PIL, whose GC you are excluding are fed up.

Your friend with the baby - tell her your child free rule is non negotiable if that's the case. Expect never to see her again. A "friend" excluded me and my 2 week old breastfed baby from their wedding. We never saw them again.

Pika, how dare bridezilla instruct you to try harder! Tell her to fuck off. As for you op, surely a wedding is a fucking family celebration? I would never attend a no kids wedding. It would be incredibly dull with no kids to keep everyone entertained imo. Even a screaming baby

I know that now Tracy! Thing is, on her invite it definitely doesn't say no children. I text another friend who was appalled. She has a six month old who does take a bottle but planned on leaving her with grandparents. She is threatening to not go but I've told her that it will just cause trouble if she doesn't!

Pika - your baby is clearly not going to be a hyperactive child running around but equally your baby might start wailing and make a fuss - and not all parents have the common sense to immediately leave the church/room as soon as the baby starts to cause a disturbance. And how would your baby cope if you were rushed to hospital or worse - quite honestly I find it hard to believe that a four month old baby really can't take milk from a bottle/cup. Do you have a partner - doesn't he/she get involved in feeding the baby at all?

If the wedding invitation is 'child free' - then either make alternative arrangements or politely decline the invitation. As had been said a million times on mumsnet 'a wedding invitation is not a summons'.

It will cause annoyance if some babies are allowed to the wedding and others aren't - I was invited to a child free wedding, we arranged child care and I was extremely annoyed to be then sat at a table at the wedding with children who had been invited.

pika

The bride is not your friend.

Pika, your baby is Ebf. Are 7 mth olds EXCLUSIVELY bf? No food/drink other than breastmilk. Just thinking snacks and a drink would make babysitting easier for the guest's family.

And how would your baby cope if you were rushed to hospital or worse - quite honestly I find it hard to believe that a four month old baby really can't take milk from a bottle/cup. Do you have a partner - doesn't he/she get involved in feeding the baby at all?

I don't find it hard to believe at all. If I had been rushed to hospital, DD1 would probably have starved for 24 hours or so and then given in. Not something I was willing to put her through by choice (she starved herself for 12 when I did have to leave her). Not every baby wants to take a bottle. Not every parent has any inclination to put everyone through the trauma it would take to enforce taking one.

If my only child was DS, maybe I would find it 'hard to believe' too. He was happy enough.

Bika

Grrr ipad pika not bika

Ragwort, feel free to come and have a go of feeding him. I've tried. DH has tried. Grandparents, aunties, uncles, friends and even a health visitor at my local children's centre have all tried. He just refuses it. We've tried different teets and bottles. I've left him for five hours with DH only to come back to a very upset baby.

If he doesn't want it I can't force him.

Also, we've not been invited to the church. They're having the ceremony and then a meal with the bridal party for speeches and then the reception. I'm invited to the reception but it's starting from three.

If you let her bring the baby, your ILs will wonder why you made an exception for your friend's child when the groom's young relatives weren't invited. Just explain this to her and give her the option of declining the invitation with no ill feeling. It's not the end of the world.

Thanks Libraries! Do you have any tips for me?

If I was your dh's sibling, I would be upset if my children were excluded but someone else's baby was allowed to come. So I think that if you are going to have this rule you do have to stick to it with your friend.

Weddings are seriously expensive and I can see why people don't want to risk having a baby crying through the vows and some parents are not at all good at removing their dc from the church when this happens. Some brides and grooms don't want to take the chance.

I do think it's weird that you are excluding your neices though. It wont engender good will from your families but your choice.

Anyway, I dont really see the harm in her popping out to feed her baby but in her shoes I would politely decline.

I do also agree that your dh is being rude about her 'trying it on'. You are not doing her a favour by inviting her to your wedding, which is how you are coming across.

Sorry Ragwort but what a stupid comment about 4month old babies taking bottles/cups. Of course some babies won't, but more importantly, a lot of people just don't choose to feed this way. I ebf and never got the hang of expressing - tried, found it a faff, couldn't be arsed to persevere. And at 4 months nobody else needed to be involved with feeding because, er, I was breastfeeding! And it suited all of us just fine. How is it your place to sneer at other people doing exactly what works for them?

OP, if I was invited to your wedding it would be me and baby or neither of us, your choice. If you're putting pressure on your friend to change her feeding habits just to suit you I hope she tells you where to stick your invite.

YABVU.

I've seen it before that infants of breastfeeding mothers are exceptions to the no-child rule- I think this makes sense and that others, who had left children with babysitters would recognise this.

I think it's ridiculous to expect a baby, who mightn't take to the bottle, to be left distressed whilst family take it in a car to outside a venue, several times in the day.

Know the mother has the option not to attend, but it's an unreasonable perspective from yourself.