Pressure re baby at wedding

[DeeDee40]

Hello AIBU? Getting married in a matter of weeks. Decided not to invite kids due to cost,type and size of venue. Means that DHs nieces cant come too but thats choice were happy with. A friend contacted me today hinting re inviting her baby who will be seven months by then due to bfing! The message said that her family will have to keep him outside church and reception and phone her when he needs feeding and she hopes the next wedding she goes to will invite him!???? does she expect her family to bring her baby into my wedding ceremony and reception.so she can bf him? My DH not happy as he feels shes trying her luck majorly and if others can find babysitters some of whom have smaller babys then so can she. Not happy

[LuluJakey1]

Thanks very much!

[derxa]

LuluJakey I love you

[LuluJakey1]

Of course we are going! I was pretending to be an over the top mnetter, offended by people's opinions about my baby, breastfeeding and wedding invites! I can't believe anyone took that seriously- as if anyone would not go to their SIL's wedding and sit in the house with the curtains shut! It just shows what is seen as normal behaviour on here.

DS has his outfit ready and he can shout to his heart's content as far as SIL is concerned- and he's in the front row. She must be mad

[TwinTum]

Lulu, your DC is invited. I really do not think, in those circs, that anyone will be upset with you/your DC for being there. In fact, even those on here in favour of child free weddings acknowledge that it is normal to make exceptions for nieces and nephews and babies. I think your SIL would be very upset in the circumstances if you do not go for this reason.

[Maman1234]

I think most parents are understanding about child free weddings. But it is more difficult for babies under 1 year old. Especially if they are breastfeeding. Just to give u an idea when dc was 7 months I could only last about 4-5 hours without pumping milk off (it's really painful and would leak thru breast pads which is not what u want at a wedding!) and Dc wouldn't settle well if bottle fed. But It sounds like your friend has found a good solution with her family staying nearby. So I don't understand why you are complaining. Just tell her you understand it's difficult for breastfed babies and you are very grateful to her family for agreeing to help in this way (you've got to admit this is very kind of them) and then enjoy your wedding.

[BasinHaircut]

Chad-free? I mean child free!

[BasinHaircut]

Just wanted to point out that Chad free weddings are not always about bridezla behaviour and wanting the 'perfect day'. I'd say that statement probably comes from a 'mumzilla' who thinks the world revolves around their children.

We had a child free wedding because our reception venue was a pub (which wouldn't allow under 18's) and it was also on the banks of a river that any child could have easily fallen (or walked actually) into.

It was a bonus that there weren't any noisy kids there at the ceremony but we did have my severely autistic family member there who could have caused more disruption to our 'perfect day', noise-wise, but I wouldn't have dreamt of not inviting him.

How ridiculous to presume that people who have child free weddings are all selfish and non-inclusive.

[wednesdayblues]

I would say you have to be consistent. I was told no kids by my best friend ( dd was 18 months) then we were put on a table with other kids!! Not impressed as felt like diff rules for diff people.
I've also had to decline invite as dd2 was 6 wk old at time of wedding invited to and was ebf. I simply said I couldn't leave her as was ebf and it was child free so therefore couldn't attend.

[Ragwort]

Do hosts really get that upset if people politely decline an invitation?

I am always quite pleased when organising a big event if a few people can't make it - means less hassle organising and I don't take offence if anyone declines an invitation.

[LuluJakey1]

Incidentally, SIl is getting married in 3 weeks. We are invited along with DS - who will be 8 months by then. It is a small wedding - close family and very close friends and DS is the only child going.

We were going to go but having read this and the other 3 wedding threads at the moment, I just can't bear it. There will be people somewhere grumbling that Ds should not have been invited, that I am bottle feeding and not breast feeding, that Ds is noisy (he is), and that SIL is mean to not ask every child and step child of family and friends and anyone passing by. We are telling her tomorrow that we are not going and we are staying at home with the curtains shut and we don't want anyone coming round.

[LuluJakey1]

I can't believe people are still on about this. Having read today's updates I am even more firmly of the view that this is why I hate weddings.

I can not think of many other subjects which bring out the worst in Mnetters- weddings, along with Child/Parent parking spaces vs Disabled parking spaces, and women who dare to not wish to breastfeed are just like lighting touchpapers.

If I was not already married, I would be telling DH we were just eloping having read this. it confirms everything, everything I hate about weddings.

[PiperChapstick]

there's a bullying pack mentality takes over sometimes, and people say the nastiest things on here that I doubt they would ever say in person.



On threads like these there's always one or two who pop up and say "why do people have to be such meanies, do you speak like that IRL?" - of course not, the Internet gives you license to be a bit more free with words - not to mention tone is hard to get across in writing.
Not everyone is going to agree, going against the OP is not bullying

[5madthings]

I always thought bfeeding babe's in arm were the exception to the no kids rule?

Tbh I don't get child free weddings anyway, have been to a few and it was a pita to sort out, when dh and I got married in may I think there were as many kids as adults, if not more. Obviously we had our own five children and most of our friends have kids, we had about 50 guests and half at least we're children. Lovely registry office wedding, photos in the garden courtyard then round the corner to the forum for lunch at Pizza express. I made party bags for all the children and it was a lovely relaxed day. My frirnds son Said it was the best wedding he had been to. The children were a big part of it, it was a celebration of our family and that includes our children, my nephew and my friends and their children.

Meh each to their own but to not invite nieces and nephews and step children etc seems very off and as I said bfeeding babe's in arms have always been the exception to the no kids rules ime.

[reni1]

Accusing people who do not even know each other of being part of a "bullying pack" because some disagree on some aspects of a post sounds both dismissive and spiteful, quicker than engaging though.

[SaltyGoodness]

YANBU, lots of people love a child-free wedding so you can relax for once without the DCs (who DO often scream/tantrum at the wrong time and drown out the service). And I'm sorry you've had some of the nasty comments on this thread - there's a bullying pack mentality takes over sometimes, and people say the nastiest things on here that I doubt they would ever say in person.

[TwinTum]

Our reason for not inviting DC was not that we wanted a perfect day with no risk of noise, it was that we had a restriction on numbers and if we had invited children in would have reduced the number of friends and relatives we could invite. For example, DH has 16 cousins most of whom have 2 or 3 children (some of whom we have never met as they live in a different part of the country). However:
(I) none of our siblings had DC - we would have made an exception for them
(ii) we had an exception for babes in arms
(iii) we did indicate on the information we included with the invite that we were sorry we could not accommodate children but that if anyone was really struggling for childcare we would try to accommodate if we could.
Obviously with (iii) we were taking the risk that everyone would ask for their children to come, but we were comfortable that people would be sensible about it (for example, none of DH's cousins invited cousins' children to their wedding for the same reason so we knew they understood).
In the end, one 4 month old baby came.

I do think excluding nieces and nephews and small babies is harsh. I have been to lots of "child-free" weddings and most have made these exceptions. In fact, the only couple who were very strict (and got upset when a couple of people then didn't come) have now had children of their own and have had an enormous strop and refused to attend when they have been invited to child-free weddings! I have always avoided the temptation to remind them about their own wedding, although one of the people who couldn't attend their wedding has pulled them up on it!

[BasinHaircut]

Sorry haven't finished the thread but I do think OP Is getting a bit of a hard time 6 pages in.

The fact is that before you have a baby you just do not appreciate that there is not always a solution to a 'problem' where caring for an infant is concerned.

She has been trying to get the baby to take a bottle but he won't. The upshot of that is that he still needs to be breastfed on the day you get married, weaned or not.

Seems like you have both been a bit pissy with each other over this. You expect her to 'deal with it' and she expects you to make an exception for her baby. Both U IMO.

[Knottyknitter]

When I was about 7 and DB was 2 we were the dn and dn in this situation.

Made worse by the groom's parents expecting my DPs to put up others guests and both drive (to fit said other guests in) to the venue a good three hours away but not asking them. It all blew up when they declined as no one to leave us with, when the plot was revealed.

Ddad speaks to his sister every christmas sharp now, and I haven't seen any of them in person since except at my dgms funeral, when I was 18, and was blanked by the lot of them as if it was my fault.

If I ever marry DP, I'm not sure id invite my cousins either though. Too bloody childish (although now approaching 50) the lot of them.

The daughter of a friend of DM had a limited children wedding, that we also didn't make the grade for. Given I was 13 by then and had been involved in umpteen church activities with her (music, Easter garden type stuff etc, not "in a different part of a youth club") I was very hurt not to be invited. Would never say so, though didn't bother to keep in touch after that point. If it had been no under 18s it would have been easier, I think.

[BumWad]

Breastfeeding is 'icky'?

How old are you zee?

[merrymouse]

It's a party. It doesn't have to be all things to all people. There are plenty of events and occasions to which children aren't invited and many people decline wedding invitations for many different reasons.

[cowbag1]

FWIW the noisiest child at our wedding was a 2yo; we barely heard a peep out of the breastfed 6mo we had there (as I'm guessing the boob did a fab job of keeping him occupied if necessary). At the reception we sat them near the back so they had plenty of space to sit/crawl on the floor and he was good as gold.

Also the only times the children caused a disturbance really was during the vows (helped eveyone relax a bit though! ) and during the church ceremony, which incidentally, you have no control over and hordes of random, crying babies could attend if they wanted to! But we didn't mind, I didn't even notice until we watched the video back.

Aren't the best events those that consider the needs of the guests? Why not just elope otherwise?

[LilyMayViolet]

To be fair I find myself agreeing with you a bit there fourtothedozen! Some of the conventions around marriage are archaic and sexist.