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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pressure re baby at wedding

486 replies

DeeDee40 · 26/07/2015 16:44

Hello AIBU? Getting married in a matter of weeks. Decided not to invite kids due to cost,type and size of venue. Means that DHs nieces cant come too but thats choice were happy with. A friend contacted me today hinting re inviting her baby who will be seven months by then due to bfing! The message said that her family will have to keep him outside church and reception and phone her when he needs feeding and she hopes the next wedding she goes to will invite him!???? does she expect her family to bring her baby into my wedding ceremony and reception.so she can bf him? My DH not happy as he feels shes trying her luck majorly and if others can find babysitters some of whom have smaller babys then so can she. Not happy

OP posts:
msgrinch · 26/07/2015 17:19

yanbu she can just decline the invitation instead of asking you to change things for her. A child free wedding is just that, child free.

LibrariesGaveUsPower · 26/07/2015 17:19

You have every right to choose a child free wedding.

But for many parents that will mean not attending. Not every baby takes a bottle. Not every parent has a selection of willing babysitters who can help.

You choose if kids attend. You don't get to be pissed off if it means adults can't.

mijas99 · 26/07/2015 17:20

You would have been wiped from my friends list. Mothers have the right to breastfeed on demand at 7 weeks, 7 months or 3 years if they want to

My two were very much dependent on the breast until 2 years old so would have to had declined any no child events

Luckily we have chosen our friends well :)

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 26/07/2015 17:21

I agree with liquorice, to my mind they're family occasions and child relations should be invited above friends.

Muldjewangk · 26/07/2015 17:21

Seven month old babies often do not take kindly to taking a bottle. Your friend may have realised that at seven months her baby isn't as easy to leave as she may have previously thought when she received your invitation. She won't enjoy your wedding worrying about her baby, she may decide at this stage to not turn up. YABVU.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 26/07/2015 17:21

God this confuses me. Weddings are joyous occasions...for family and friends. Children bring joy...they were welcome at my wedding and yes, they made noises etc....who cares? It's not such a somber happening that one coo or yell will destroy your future!

BuffaloCustardbath · 26/07/2015 17:21

If she is exclusively breastfeeding then there isn't much she can do, I'm such she's not trying to be difficult or flout your rules. I would not have left DD all day at 7 months (she was, and is still breastfed), even if she did take a bottle is have to keep going somewhere to express!! The risk of mastitis from not feeding or expressing all day just isn't worth it. I'm sure if you make it clear that you won't bend the no children rule that she will graciously decline.

SoupDragon · 26/07/2015 17:22

Furthermore there are parents that have had no issue with younger babies who are alternating bf and bottle and are happy to leave them with bottle for one day

You don't understand the difference between breastfeeding, bottle feeding and mixed feeding don't you?

londonrach · 26/07/2015 17:24

Yanbu as its your wedding. Its an invite so she can turn it down if the situation is not right for her. Shocked at those saying yabu. Its ops wedding and her choice! Weather or not you agree or disagree with her its her day. If she has asked for no children, babies, etc she makes that choice. Op friend can make a choice to come without baby (meet family for bfing if it works for her) or turn the the invite down. Op only become unreasonable if she gets upset at her friend for turning a wedding invite down.

honeyroar · 26/07/2015 17:24

So she has to wean her baby onto in time for your wedding?? Poor girl, she must be a wonderful friend. Most would have told you to eff off and had a much less stressful day at home. You sound incredibly spoiled and self centred. One day you may have children and see how awkward you made things for your friend. (And that's coming from someone who doesn't have children).

honeyroar · 26/07/2015 17:24

Edit - wean her baby onto bottles in time for your wedding.

NerrSnerr · 26/07/2015 17:25

My baby is 11 months and breastfed. At 7 months I couldn't have left her, now I could (although only with my husband as we have no babysitters) but I would choose not to. I'd have to express at some point during the day and it would be a huge faff.

swallowed · 26/07/2015 17:25

It being your wedding day doesn't give you carte blanche to be a bitch.

firefly78 · 26/07/2015 17:25

i don't understand child free weddings at all. just dont get it. kids have a lovely time at weddings usually.

Babytalkobsession · 26/07/2015 17:26

i know everyone's different, but when I got married the most inportant thing to me was to have everyone that cared about us there, and for them to have an awesome time celebrating with us.

It sounds like your friend is doing her best and is probably really worried about leaving her baby (I know would have been at 7 months - DS didn't take a bottle easily either)

She should decline. You sound like a bit of a dickhead to be honest, and I think yabu.

Greydog · 26/07/2015 17:29

yanbu - it's your wedding, you said no children, so no children. Simple. She will have to refuse. How good a "friend" is she. If I was in her situation I'd just say that I couldn't come, and wouldn't expect special treatment, which is what she's asking for

lunar1 · 26/07/2015 17:30

You must really appreciate your friend and her family for the trouble they are going to for your wedding. I wouldn't have gone to a child free wedding when mine were that age. Maybe you can buy her some bottles to speed up the weening in time for the greatest event on earth! Wink

bigbumtheory · 26/07/2015 17:31

YANBU to want the wedding you both want and no babies or children.

SINBU to want to bring a breastfeeding baby, sounds like she's trying very hard to make things work and accommodate your wish while coming along.

SWBU for 'next wedding comment' to make a point. I can understand why she said it but could likely be to try and guilt you too which is unreasonable.

On the whole, YANBU to insist no baby, SWNBU at all to decline the wedding.

cowbag1 · 26/07/2015 17:34

If your reasons for having a child free wedding are cost and size of venue, why do you have to rule out such small babies who will cost nothing and not even take up a place setting (they'll only need a highchair next to one of their parents at the most.)?

I think it's more the case that you don't want children potentially crying, babbling, crawling etc (i.e. just being children ) and ruining your perfect day. But isn't that what family celebrations are about?

A great wedding is one where the host considers the happiness of their guests. Yes it's your big day and you should do what you want but if you don't give a shit about anyone else's feelings, just run off and do your own thing. Don't impose silly rules and expect your guests to be happy about sticking to them.

Panzee · 26/07/2015 17:35

EBF at 7 months? Surely weaning onto food would have at least started by then?

saintlyjimjams · 26/07/2015 17:36

No - she is expecting to keep going outside to feed him, not bring him in. I suspect when she accepted the invitation she thought he would be bottle fed/ebm fed by now, but he's got other ideas.

If you say no, fine, but she will have no choice but to turn the invitation down - so fgs don't get huffy if she does. She can't leave her baby without fluid for a day.

Heels99 · 26/07/2015 17:36

Its awful not to invite your own nieces! God knows what rest of family think of you! You can say only nieces are invited I have been to weddings like that.

gelwax · 26/07/2015 17:37

YABU: she's trying hard to accommodate your edict. Frankly, I think I may have been swayed by the tone of your initial post, because it sounded rather egocentric/lacking in empathy or whatever. I think that this may be one of those situations where you reflect on your attitude later on in your life and cringe a bit. Hmm

Hissy · 26/07/2015 17:37

Exactly how much does it cost to have a babe in arms at a wedding?

I can understand not wanting to have to lay on food/entertainment /care for young children, but babies who are breastfed?

I hope she declines your invitation, and I hope too that if you go on to have children you realise what monumental pitas you and your dh2b are.

ADishBestEatenCold · 26/07/2015 17:37

My brain still hasn't moved on to the fact that you are unhappy about your lovely friend wanting to slip out of the room, to feed her baby (who wouldn't be at your wedding, but would be in another part of the building).

I'm still taken aback that your husband-to-be's own nieces (direct family) may not come to your wedding!!!
I have never, ever encountered that before! Is that an accepted thing, nowadays? Is your husband-to-be's DSis&DBil (or DB&DSil) okay with that?
How old are these nieces?

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