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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think coming down for breakfast in a hotel in your PJs is really bad manners

293 replies

Nurserywindow · 22/07/2015 13:48

We were away at the weekend in a hotel with a couple of friends whose teenage daughters insisted on coming down to breakfast each morning in skimpy pyjamas. We were embarrassed and could see hotel guests looking a bit askance. However, their parents didn't say anything so there was nothing we could do.
They also lounged around the general reception area for about an hour afterwards using their ipads, before going upstairs to get dressed.

AIBU to think this was rude and they should have been told firmly to get dressed before coming downstairs?

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 23/07/2015 17:54

I would simply presume that you had decided to follow that particular religion if you took to wearing a sari - it's hardly that unconventional, unless of course you believe that sweaty pjs on an unwashed body at a public breakfast is comparable to a sari? Which seems odd, given your nod to nuances. Social norms are norms for a reason - and in this case, pjs, whilst hardly being indicative of the end of civilised society as we know it, are not appropriate for breakfast. It takes roughly - what, a minute, to check on some clean underwear, a top and trousers? Perfectly within the abilities of the vast majority of teenagers.

fakenamefornow · 23/07/2015 18:05

YANBU

Although I was in hospital once and after all test and everything was done the doctor came to see me to tell me 'everything's OK, so you can get dressed and go home now' I explained that 'no, these are actually my clothes' Grin

So maybe they were dressed?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/07/2015 18:09

flashbang, please don't make this personal because I could make assumptions about you also - and I haven't. I'm talking generally.

People DO like conventions. If you think about your own expectations and 'lines in the sand', you wouldn't be happy if other people crossed or circumvented them. Because you have expectations of certain things and other people may not have the same ones. I have expectations that people will get dressed to go out of the house, will not chomp and leave cooked chicken bones on supermarket shelves - and will not shout and chatter/giggle when there's an official Moment of Silence. Outside of that, I'm not that fussed. You may have one or more in common with me - or none - but you do have them nonetheless.

Wideopenspace · 23/07/2015 18:11

I suspect my main reason for defending the OP's teens is because I bloody hate social norms.*

I also hate matchy matchiness so if they were wearing matching jammies that might sway me in the other direction.

*obvs, I believe in shit like being basically nice to people, which overlaps with social norms, but that's not why I do it, alright?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/07/2015 18:13

... and I've just seen your very ignorant post about Sari-wearing, flashbang, SirChenjin has deftly explained the difference to you.

This is what I mean about 'trying too hard', it can be very offensive if you dig around trying to find something that fits without thinking about what you're actually saying.

Flashbangandgone · 23/07/2015 18:55

Ok, perhaps my analogy wasn't a good one... I apologise if it causes offense.

I would imagine you probably wear trousers though.... If we'd had this board 50 years ago the same arguments would have been applied to women dressing inappropriately... Just substitute nightwear for menswear. Thank goodness some women decided not to be cowed by this... Of course, pyjamas don't have the same gender over-tones, and personally I'm not keen that this takes off as a fashion trend, but it's symptomatic of the same slavish devotion to convention and conformity, even amongst teenagers that is depressing....

captainfarrell · 23/07/2015 18:56

YANBU That is awful and slovenly!

Flashbangandgone · 23/07/2015 18:58

very offensive

Oh come on... All this offence as such trivial things is ironically quite offensive given the real issues faced by millions in the world.

SirChenjin · 23/07/2015 19:25

Your analogies are way off...

We're talking about social norms, which are not about slavish anything, but more about what a particular society (or culture) deems normal or acceptable. While it may (or may not) be that society changes in the next few decades in such a way as to find pjs in public perfectly acceptable, the fact remains that it's not generally acceptable at this point in time - in the same way that shaving designs into babies hair isn't, or wearing a onesie to a board meeting (in the average multinational), or sending your 5 year old to school with a full face of make up, or any number of things, aren't.

Roseforarose · 23/07/2015 19:29

If it's ok to eat in hotels in PJs, what about in the pub, would that be ok too?

soverylucky · 23/07/2015 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jakadaal · 23/07/2015 19:47

Shouts 'chavtastic' to me

Wideopenspace · 23/07/2015 19:48

I'm still not getting it.

They are clothes. They cover up/keep your body warm.

If you don't like it, don't look...

nessie1945 · 23/07/2015 19:55

I run a country house B&B and we have had guests come down in our towelling dressing gowns and hair rollers. Prize goes to a family who brought a baby of about 15 months down starkers 'because he doesn't like clothes'. He didn't like food either, so they let him run around and then tried to feed him bacon whilst he perched fetchingly on the staircase. I find a quiet word in the ear usually works, but other guests definitely don't like it.

Sparklingbrook · 23/07/2015 20:00

They might be clothes sort of, but that doesn't mean they are appropriate for anywhere and everywhere. They are for wearing in bed primarily.

I don't expect people would say 'they are only clothes' if their child's teacher wore them to work or the bank manager wore them for their meeting.

SirChenjin · 23/07/2015 20:03

They are clothes for a specific place and purpose - which takes us back to the issue of social norms in 2015 in the UK (think this was in the UK).

Wideopenspace · 23/07/2015 20:08

In my ideal world Sparkling people wouldn't give a shiny shit about what those people wore either, however, accepting that we don't live in my ideal world (probably no bad thing Grin) I think there is a difference with the examples you use. Teachers, bank managers etc are at work and people are investing some trust in them, so I guess need to have some outward mark that this is warranted? Clothes are a kind of shorthand for this, I suppose.

But breakfast? Really? Tis no one's business.

Maybe it is just about people having different points at which they draw the sartorial line..

Wideopenspace · 23/07/2015 20:09

As an aside, Sir I had some wheatgrass juice today and I take your point about it being an arse entry item.

It's revolting...

Sparklingbrook · 23/07/2015 20:11

So you wouldn't trust a bank manager or a teacher wearing pyjamas even though they are 'only clothes' Wide? Interesting.

Wideopenspace · 23/07/2015 20:14

No, Sparkling that's not what I said.

I said 'people need'.

In my ideal world, noone would care. Personally, I would
base my trust in a teacher on how s/he teaches and I would never, ever trust a bank manager, regardless of what s/he was wearing Grin

Flashbangandgone · 23/07/2015 20:16

I'm a conventional kind of person in how I act and dress because I feel more comfortable that way.... I'm personally not a fan of the very tattooed look, big beards or (shock horror) pyjamas in public... They're not it my taste..... However, I just accept we're all different and people have the right to express themselves in what they wear and how they look, and who am I to be so judgemental as to be 'horrified' at their appearance and to refuse even to eat in the same room as them...

Yes, there are lines that shouldn't be crossed regarding offence... For instance wearing pyjamas to a funeral... I just think that many of the 'outraged' on here have that line in an unnecessarily restrictive place and seek to prevent innocent self expression.

Sparklingbrook · 23/07/2015 20:19

You have lost me Wide, but there's no need to explain. I used to work in a bank with lots of very trustworthy managers correctly attired. Smile

renate678 · 23/07/2015 20:23

Fucking hell. It's human bodies, covered up a bit. I couldn't give a shit what anyone wears. Just because it's got something symbolic as nightwear, people judge? Christ. I used to go to nightclubs in my teens and twenties in pyjamas.
There were girls who went in bikinis. Does it matter either way? My kid sees topless people on beaches,it's fine! I feel like this is the root of a lot of problems. I'm not entirely happy with my body but I am really fucking happy for those who are. I'm 8 stone and 5'3" have had eating disorders and an affair with speed in the past.
It amazes me that people care what others wear in any situation. I mean, as long as you're not being a dick...who gives a rat's ass?
I've lurked on this forum since I had my son, almost 4 years ago. Found all the advice fabulous. Breastfeeding, co sleeping etc. So reassuring.
It's just a body.

usualsuspect333 · 23/07/2015 20:35

Wouldn't want anyone to think your nice MC teenagers were 'chavs' would you.

SirChenjin · 23/07/2015 20:37

I think the key is different sartorial lines as a pp said - and given the number of pps on here that have said 'yuck' (or a variation on that theme) it appears that the societal sartorial line is crossed by pjs at breakfast. Some posters disagree with that obv, but a quick look (cba counting, fully accept I may be wrong though) at the thread suggests the majority at this point in time think it inappropriate.

YY to the grimness of wheatgrass. It crossed the line miles ago and is heading for a special kind of hell reserved for pure evil.