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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL birthday cake - I know I am being childish

414 replies

Happy36 · 20/07/2015 17:19

Today is MIL's birthday. We are on holiday with them so all staying in the same house. She spends the entire time in the kitchen watching television. Last night I went into the kitchen and said, I hope you don't mind, I am going to make a cake. It's her birthday today and I bake rarely; my husband who helped me with the cakes vakes even less frequently than I do. So it was pretty obvious we were making her birthday cake.

Then after she had gone to bed, we iced and decorated the cake and put it in the fridge, where everyone could see it.

This morning my husband spoke to his father and said that we would give MIL her gifts and sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake after lunch (when my husband's younger brother usually gets up). So I told the children and they were wonderfully stoical about waiting until 4pm to give their grandmother their cards and gifts, and to try the cake.

Now it's 6.15pm and there's no sign of any present-giving, (slightly irrelevant but I am angry so I'll add that brother-in-law has eaten multiple slices of brioche smothered in Nutella) and the kids know that they mustn't complain as it's not their birthday which is almost heartbreaking to watch. I asked my husband to have another word with his dad but he said it would be rude as it's his mum's day and we will do the singing, etc. when she says she wants to.

Now father in law has just shouted upstairs that we are going out in 20 minutes. I have no idea what is going on and my husband is taking a nap.

I know I am being very childish but I rwally needed to rant. Sorry.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 20/07/2015 19:05

I've baked cakes on holiday. If staying in a house with a kitchen then why shouldn't you be able to? I like cooking on holiday as I have more time.
Agree with speaking directly to sulky granny or sending the kids in to tell her they want to cut the cake and "here are your presents granny". Agree that the giver decides when to give their gifts. This is all very strange.

annatha · 20/07/2015 19:10

Placemarking! It's sad that your MIL doesn't want to spend time with her grandchildren on her birthday. Makes me wonder why she agreed for you all to go away together if she's going to sit watching telly all day. Even if she can't be arsed with birthday fuss, you'd make an effort for the kids' sakes- opening pressies, letting them sing to you, dishing out the fucking cake etc.

Donthate · 20/07/2015 19:13

Eat the cake then deny all knowledge.

Donthate · 20/07/2015 19:14

By the way how old are your dc? Mine would have asked their grandma to get the cake out by now.

MemphisBella · 20/07/2015 19:15

Oh gawd, my MIL does this too! ('Tis a power thing.)

Reminds me of the Christmas where everyone had to wait until 7pm for their presents, then they were all piled up in front of each person, who had to open them one by one while everyone quietly watched.

MIL punctuated her 'openings' by going into the kitchen to dry up a single item from the draining board each time, keeping the roomful of people waiting for her.

Never again, damnit! Christmas is at our house now, and they like they way we do things, or lump it.

OP, I hope you're up to your elbows in cake right now.

DoJo · 20/07/2015 19:16

So this woman doesn't want any hint of a birthday celebration until the evening, but only decides that hour by hour as she delays and delays the gift-giving and cake eating? WHAT? Sounds absolutely bonkers to me, but moreso that there are at least three adults all going along with this as though it is perfectly normal...!

reni1 · 20/07/2015 19:18

Put it away, give the children lots of ice cream, ignore the birthday. Children can leave their gifts in front of her door or give them to her and that's that, birthday over. If she wants the cake when the children are in bed inform her she'll find in the bin fridge.

littlejohnnydory · 20/07/2015 19:19

This is weird. What would hsppen if you said "dc are excited about cutting the cake and singing happy birthday so we'll do cake and presents now."?

HoldYerWhist · 20/07/2015 19:23

This is utterly bizarre.

lutra3d · 20/07/2015 19:24

This is the first time I've ever wanted to punch a cake.

RigglinJigglin · 20/07/2015 19:25

Is your MIL Marie Antoinette and waiting for the perceived level of suspense to build for her killer line to be delivered?

Penfold007 · 20/07/2015 19:25

IF she wants the cake? I'm utterly dumb struck. Selfish cow.

Cloudhowe63 · 20/07/2015 19:29

Update, OP. Pretty please.
Round up MIL, get her to blow out the candles, cut the cake so that everyone can eat their piece at a time and place of their choice!
Poor you and poor kids.

pissedglitter · 20/07/2015 19:30

Put the cake in the table
Give each child a fork
Tell children to get in about that fucking cake
Stick 2 fingers up to anyone that dares to moan

Fucking bonkers holiday Confused

WallyBantersJunkBox · 20/07/2015 19:30

Could you let them all go to dinner, eat a mahoosive piece then bury the rest in the garden.

And deny all knowledge of having made a cake, or even knowing it was her birthday? To everyone, including your DH.

This should shake everyone up enough in that family not to fucking mess with you again.

Then take her seat in the kitchen, put the A Team on the telly, light a cigar and rock back with your feet on the table.

Olddear · 20/07/2015 19:31

OP can't update. She's got her head in the fridge eating the cake....

AliceAlice1979 · 20/07/2015 19:32

My family have hierarchies like this. I know exactly what you mean by not having authority to do such things

Cocolepew · 20/07/2015 19:33

ConfusedShock

OttiliaVonBCup · 20/07/2015 19:34

No one's asked the most important question yet - what cake is it?

Victoria sponge?
Chocolate?
Lemon drizzle?

pissedglitter · 20/07/2015 19:35

I fact forget the forks just let them tear in with hands

pissedglitter · 20/07/2015 19:35

Red velvet?
Carrot?

OttiliaVonBCup · 20/07/2015 19:37

Or coffee and walnut? In which case you have your answer. No one wants it!

Grin
Cloudhowe63 · 20/07/2015 19:38

I like wally'splan. Although it would BU to bury cake. Doubt there would be anything to bury after a day of anticipation and a couple of kids on hand!

Olddear · 20/07/2015 19:39

Did you check MIL isn't diabetic and can't eat the bliddy cake?

toots111 · 20/07/2015 19:39

Cake hierarchies? Give me strength :)