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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL birthday cake - I know I am being childish

414 replies

Happy36 · 20/07/2015 17:19

Today is MIL's birthday. We are on holiday with them so all staying in the same house. She spends the entire time in the kitchen watching television. Last night I went into the kitchen and said, I hope you don't mind, I am going to make a cake. It's her birthday today and I bake rarely; my husband who helped me with the cakes vakes even less frequently than I do. So it was pretty obvious we were making her birthday cake.

Then after she had gone to bed, we iced and decorated the cake and put it in the fridge, where everyone could see it.

This morning my husband spoke to his father and said that we would give MIL her gifts and sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake after lunch (when my husband's younger brother usually gets up). So I told the children and they were wonderfully stoical about waiting until 4pm to give their grandmother their cards and gifts, and to try the cake.

Now it's 6.15pm and there's no sign of any present-giving, (slightly irrelevant but I am angry so I'll add that brother-in-law has eaten multiple slices of brioche smothered in Nutella) and the kids know that they mustn't complain as it's not their birthday which is almost heartbreaking to watch. I asked my husband to have another word with his dad but he said it would be rude as it's his mum's day and we will do the singing, etc. when she says she wants to.

Now father in law has just shouted upstairs that we are going out in 20 minutes. I have no idea what is going on and my husband is taking a nap.

I know I am being very childish but I rwally needed to rant. Sorry.

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 20/07/2015 17:51

Go mad about a cake?! I'm really confused about this family dynamic.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 20/07/2015 17:52

BIL slept until 1.30 and is having another nap now? Envy

But you don't ask for your own cake - you wait until they all come out singing and feign surprise, no?

lutra3d · 20/07/2015 17:52

Why would dh and fil go mad?
What's it got to do with fil - he didn't help bake did he?
It all sounds very controlling.

Cabbagesaregreen · 20/07/2015 17:52

I don't get this. If there were a cake in the fridge on my birthday I would wait until the baker proffered it up. It would be rude if your mil took it out herself. They must be fed up omg waiting for you to take it out hence saying they are going out.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/07/2015 17:53

if I were to take out the cake, my husband and father-in-law will go mad. Why do you and the children have to be considerate, kind and quiet while everyone else sleeps all day, goes 'mad' and tells everyone how it is. I hope I'm teaching DD not just to be polite and considerate but also to value her needs and try to get them met. If you want your DC to be assertive, you have to model it.

Why is this stupid cake irritating me so much? Angry

anorakgirl · 20/07/2015 17:53

Take out the bloody cake, if they go mad tell them every thing you've said above. You are a grown up you know!

teeththief · 20/07/2015 17:53

I also find it a bit odd that your children don't feel like they can just ask if the cake is ready to be eaten

Happy36 · 20/07/2015 17:53

FarFromAnyRoad She has been watching tv in the kitchen all day. The kids have been in a few times since 4pm - of their own accord - on flimsy pre-texts and no doubt trying to hide their gifts behind their backs and staring longingly at the cake.

OP posts:
lutra3d · 20/07/2015 17:54

Just get the bloody cake out.
Let them go mad - weirdos.

teeththief · 20/07/2015 17:55

Why didn't your kids just give her their bloody presents? Is she really that scary??

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 20/07/2015 17:55

They sound like a bunch of grumpy controlling weirdos. I think your MIL is making a point about it being Her kitchen and Her job to make cake.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 20/07/2015 17:56

So what exactly are you hoping/waiting to happen re the cake? Who are you hoping will get it out and instigate the singing?

moopymoodle · 20/07/2015 17:57

Are u waiting for them to do gifts so u can give the cake? It sounds like you have done something nice for the kids rather then her and now trying to micromanage her birthday.

SpringBreaker · 20/07/2015 17:57

This is all so confusing. Why all this tiptoeing around and faff? Let the kids give her her presents and sing to her.. Why make it into such a big ceremony???

Happy36 · 20/07/2015 17:58

She has already said to FIL she will say to him when / if she wants it later.

It's her birthday and her prerogative but in my opinion (and it's only that) the cake is really more for the kids. Also they are desperate to sing and give the gifts and cards.

OP posts:
Happy36 · 20/07/2015 17:59

Cheddar , we are on holiday; it's a shared kitchen.

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 20/07/2015 17:59

Why are dh and bil napping? What have you done today other than sit round and wait for it to be cake time that has so exhausted them?

I would be forced to bugger off for a night of heavy drinking in your shoesGrin

pootlebug · 20/07/2015 18:00

WTF? You made it, you decide when to get it out and sing happy birthday. If she doesn't want to EAT it now she gets to decide that - it's her birthday, she has the right to save her piece for later.

lutra3d · 20/07/2015 18:01

She clearly not fussed about the cake. Just get it out and put candles on it with the dc's.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 20/07/2015 18:01

Grrrr, she's giving me The Rage! "She will say when/if she wants it later", I'm sorry, but that's just being bitchy. You put yourself out making that cake, and she knows perfectly well that her DGC are dying to sing/give presents/eat cake and she's firmly sitting there being a dog in the manger.

MrsCampbellBlack · 20/07/2015 18:02

I am utterly baffled at this thread. Are you not an equal to your DH and FIL - what's with all the 'level of authority' stuff?

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/07/2015 18:02

I think BIL and DH are napping and sleeping a lot as avoidance behaviour. Unsurprisingly.

I'm going to be honest here and say that a Granny who makes kids wait all day to have presents, sing and eat cake is a rotten Granny. It is one of the joys of my life to have DD sing and give presents (and stuff cake in her gob) and even my DM, who is not a kid person, wouldn't make her wait all day.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 20/07/2015 18:04

MIL is a passive aggressive. clearly.

Fairy13 · 20/07/2015 18:05

I also don't know why all these grown adults need to sleep all day.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/07/2015 18:07

They don't need to sleep Fairy; they are hiding under the covers and rocking. Or, on their phones playing Candy Crush and waiting for the Queen to tell them her pleasure. WHY AM I SO INVESTED?