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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL birthday cake - I know I am being childish

414 replies

Happy36 · 20/07/2015 17:19

Today is MIL's birthday. We are on holiday with them so all staying in the same house. She spends the entire time in the kitchen watching television. Last night I went into the kitchen and said, I hope you don't mind, I am going to make a cake. It's her birthday today and I bake rarely; my husband who helped me with the cakes vakes even less frequently than I do. So it was pretty obvious we were making her birthday cake.

Then after she had gone to bed, we iced and decorated the cake and put it in the fridge, where everyone could see it.

This morning my husband spoke to his father and said that we would give MIL her gifts and sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake after lunch (when my husband's younger brother usually gets up). So I told the children and they were wonderfully stoical about waiting until 4pm to give their grandmother their cards and gifts, and to try the cake.

Now it's 6.15pm and there's no sign of any present-giving, (slightly irrelevant but I am angry so I'll add that brother-in-law has eaten multiple slices of brioche smothered in Nutella) and the kids know that they mustn't complain as it's not their birthday which is almost heartbreaking to watch. I asked my husband to have another word with his dad but he said it would be rude as it's his mum's day and we will do the singing, etc. when she says she wants to.

Now father in law has just shouted upstairs that we are going out in 20 minutes. I have no idea what is going on and my husband is taking a nap.

I know I am being very childish but I rwally needed to rant. Sorry.

OP posts:
anonacfr · 21/07/2015 15:31

Mine was traumatised when I went past my due date because she didn't want to share her birthday with DD. Grin

PurpleSwirl · 21/07/2015 15:36

Just got home from morning at work. MIL and FIL have eaten most of the cake for breakfast and say it was delicious. Children went bowling with my husband and two kids who are staying up the road (we know them from home), should be back soon for lunch. BIL is, of course, asleep! He has been saved a special piece of cake too - he loves cake whereas my husband and I are ambivalent

What? So they made you wait about yesterday and then waited until you and the kids were all out of the way to scoff it?
That's actually really mean! What a cow. I wouldn't make any cake next year at all for her! Jeez.

Happy36 · 21/07/2015 15:48

WaggleBee We live in Spain and are here now.

OP posts:
PUGaLUGS · 21/07/2015 16:05

I think your children need medals, really I do. What kind of grandma doesn't share her birthday cake with them?

Wishful80sMontage · 21/07/2015 16:09

Wow your mil is a prize bitch not sharing with her grandchildren bloody low. What's your Dh said about this weirdness?
There must have been some really bizarre behaviour before now we can't go 0-cakegate in one day- what else have your inlays done op?

Wishful80sMontage · 21/07/2015 16:09

In laws

Happy36 · 21/07/2015 16:13

Montage, no, not really. They are very indulgent of the younger BIL, but he is a lovely person and a great uncle so I am happy to overlook it; he was also seriously ill a few years ago so I can understand why they coddle him. Also he never demands the special treatment himself; it's just given to him by his parents.

They are not good at planning anything and do everything off the cuff which does lead to some occasional odd situations such as turning up at closed breweries on a Monday night in summer or randomly staying out until 1.30am with the 4 and 7 year old grandchildren.

But I am not criticising them. The cake thing was bizarre as my MIL is usually very easygoing and "normal" and well mannered.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 21/07/2015 16:14

Well there you go, she wanted the cake for breakfast so waited it out.

Only one thing to do now and that is make another cake for the kids.

piddlemakesmegiggle · 21/07/2015 16:18

What a fucking bitch! Any family member treated my DC like that and they would be out the window! (Hence why I no longer keep in contact with In laws)

NanaNina · 21/07/2015 16:47

Firstly Happy36 can I apologise for saying you didn't seem to have a sense of humour. It was just that there were some silly/witty comments about the cake and your posts sounded sort of serious - but it was not fair of me to make that comment.

BUT sadly it has now turned into a MIL bashing thread.......MN DILs do love a MIL bashing thread but this is totally bizarre as the OP is saying her MIL is very easy going well mannered and normal...............but does that stop the MIL being called a fucking bitch and all sorts of other unpleasant things........Nooooooo course not, she's a MIL and so she has to be evil.

And all this talk of depriving the kids of cake - my god you lot sound like it's the 1950s and sweet things are on ration after the war and cake is a rare treat..........!! Most kids these days get plenty of cake/biscuits/sweets etc.

SO is there just the remotest chance of any of you MIL bashers acknowledging that the OP actually knows her MIL better than any of you do, and accept the OP's description of her MIL's character and temperament? No - I thought not!!!

AmberFool · 21/07/2015 16:50

I'm very impressed with your DC, happy. Smile

UrethraFranklin1 · 21/07/2015 17:00

I don't know why people are being so fucking rude about the MIL. It's all a bit weird, but she ate her own birthday cake when she wanted it. Thats not cruel to OP's children, it wasn't their cake, it wasn't their birthday, they also got plenty of other stuff.
Certainly no need to call the woman a prize bitch/cow/evil old hag. It was her fucking cake!

Janethegirl · 21/07/2015 17:54

urethra most people I know share birthday cake. I don't know anyone who has eaten a whole birthday cake to themselves ( even if it's a little diddy 2 inch square one)

CigarsofthePharoahs · 21/07/2015 18:07

Mumsnet needs a new topic - 'The politics of cake'
At least your mil enjoyed the cake!

Pooseyfrumpture · 21/07/2015 18:12

How big was the cake?

So there's 4 of you, PIL and BIL = 7

How much exactly did they eat for breakfast Shock

Happy36 · 21/07/2015 18:55

Thanks Nina, Amber, and everyone. The cake was not that large. Probably about 12-16 decent portions.

OP posts:
NanaNina · 21/07/2015 19:40

Urethra they're being nasty about the OP's MIL simply because she's a MIL.....happens all the time on MN!

LilacWine7 · 21/07/2015 19:47

Sorry your kids missed out on the cake and presenting it to MIL. It all sounds very odd....but maybe your MIL simply didn't want any fuss, and preferred to enjoy the cake alone with FIL. Since you say she's 'usually very easygoing and "normal" and well mannered' I doubt she was deliberately spoiling things for you or her GC. Some people really hate any fuss on their birthday and don't want everyone gathered round singing Happy Birthday to them. I guess she viewed the cake as a gift, rather than something to share with the whole family. It's a shame for the children (and strange she didn't save them any) but at least she enjoyed her cake in her own way.
Also, could it be possible that one/some of the other family members had forgotten her birthday and hadn't got any presents? Maybe she was playing it down to try and save someone feeling awkward/embarrassed?

yumyumpoppycat · 21/07/2015 19:52

There will be a whole other thread on Gransnet...why does ddil keep opening the fridge and staring at my birthday cake Wink

UrethraFranklin1 · 21/07/2015 20:23

Most people I know do too, but I dont call them evil bitches if they don't!

WaggleBee · 21/07/2015 20:25

Happy are your PIL from Spain? Is it a Spanish thing to say when your own cake is given to you? Genuinely curious.

WaggleBee · 21/07/2015 20:26

On my birthday I'm buying a cake to eat all myself at breakfast. Tbf to the MIL it does sound ace.

OttiliaVonBCup · 21/07/2015 20:32

People were saying MIL was weird because she was weird not because she was the MIL.

Faffing around all day when there's cake to be eaten and the grandchildren site there waiting to do presents and sing Happy Birthday and eat birthday cake is bizarre.

GinBunny · 21/07/2015 20:48

My late DF ate his whole chocolate birthday cake one year. Didn't offer anyone a slice, including his GKids. Sat and ate the whole thing for lunch the next day.

Sazzle41 · 21/07/2015 21:17

Your MIL is normal, easy going and well mannered? So what was the cake battle all about - I am bemused? She doesnt want to acknowledge another year older? She has food issues and her DP colluded with her re a binge together while you were out - it does seem 'secretive eating' and binge like behaviour which are ref flags for food issues tbh. Is it only when food is involved that she gets like this? Its all v odd OP ! I love a mystery!