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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL birthday cake - I know I am being childish

414 replies

Happy36 · 20/07/2015 17:19

Today is MIL's birthday. We are on holiday with them so all staying in the same house. She spends the entire time in the kitchen watching television. Last night I went into the kitchen and said, I hope you don't mind, I am going to make a cake. It's her birthday today and I bake rarely; my husband who helped me with the cakes vakes even less frequently than I do. So it was pretty obvious we were making her birthday cake.

Then after she had gone to bed, we iced and decorated the cake and put it in the fridge, where everyone could see it.

This morning my husband spoke to his father and said that we would give MIL her gifts and sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake after lunch (when my husband's younger brother usually gets up). So I told the children and they were wonderfully stoical about waiting until 4pm to give their grandmother their cards and gifts, and to try the cake.

Now it's 6.15pm and there's no sign of any present-giving, (slightly irrelevant but I am angry so I'll add that brother-in-law has eaten multiple slices of brioche smothered in Nutella) and the kids know that they mustn't complain as it's not their birthday which is almost heartbreaking to watch. I asked my husband to have another word with his dad but he said it would be rude as it's his mum's day and we will do the singing, etc. when she says she wants to.

Now father in law has just shouted upstairs that we are going out in 20 minutes. I have no idea what is going on and my husband is taking a nap.

I know I am being very childish but I rwally needed to rant. Sorry.

OP posts:
bookbag40 · 21/07/2015 21:21

Do you think that maybe MIL didn't realise it was an actual official birthday cake I.e to be presented with candles etc?

Maybe she thought it was just a nice gesture and that you had just made a general sort of cake for her to eat at her convenience.

Did it look like a birthday cake or was it just a standard Victoria sponge? Did the kids get to give her their pressies?

Happy36 · 21/07/2015 21:34

Lots of questions! We took the presents to dinner for her to open there. The cake would not have survived the long and hot car journey. (However, it could have been eaten for dessert when we returned, but BIL, MIL and the kids ordered desserts at the restaurant).

The cake looked like a birthday cake, it said, “Feliz Cumple ” on top and in the morning when I wished her a happy birthday I said there is cake and we made the plan to eat it at 4pm, which was then abandoned.

She really does not have any food issues. She eats everything and anything and appears happy to eat in public.

As far as I know it is not a Spanish thing, but, yes, she is Spanish. Every other birthday I’ve been present for in this family has involved eating the birthday cake at breakfast time (on the birthday). She said yesterday she wanted to wait for BIL to wake up which is why we planned to eat it after lunch.

She is not a shy, retiring person. She is fun and sociable and loves to be the centre of attention.

Whoever said about family members forgetting her birthday was on the money, however, he didn’t turn up so she wouldn’t have been worried about embarrassing him by enjoying the cake and accepting our gifts.

OP posts:
WaggleBee · 21/07/2015 21:49

So is it a BIL being a selfish twat issue then?

Is she pussy footing around trying not to upset him and doing what he wants all the time?

NanaNina · 21/07/2015 23:49

Look the cake's all been eaten - OP is happy MIL/FIL are happy - BIL is happy OP's children are happy...........though they may suffer trauma because of being denied a slice of sponge cake, but ye know, these things happen! So what's left to debate?

WaggleBee · 21/07/2015 23:56

Pfft it's AIBU Nana and there's cake involved. Cake! We can spin this out for a good four pages more yet. Where's your MN AIBU spirit?

Grin
holeinmyheart · 22/07/2015 00:03

Happy, first of all I think you deserve a medal for going on holiday with your MIL. What were you thinking?
Secondly, I think you are a tad bit controlling about the timing of the ceremony/ eating of the cake.
Making the cake was a very nice gesture but your angst about it is out of all proportion.
Do a ' mindful course' and honestly you would let go of the cake, your MILs thoughts about the cake , and just drift off into your own thoughts about what you want from your own life.
You would absolutely stop attempting to make any effort to control anyone else's actions or life choices.
In fact you may even get to think F* the cake.

WaggleBee · 22/07/2015 00:16

Hole I'd agree with most of

WaggleBee · 22/07/2015 00:17

Oops.

Hole I'd agree with most of that actually.

paulapompom · 22/07/2015 01:20

I hope bil has been saved a nice big piece - take it up while he's in bed OP, and take up a lovely hot cup of tea, put the cake on his pillow and watch him roll on to it. You enjoy the cup of tea. He sounds like a pita. Cake

Tequilashotfor1 · 22/07/2015 07:58

I think holes post is very patronising.

It was a birthday, there was cake, there was excited grandchildren who wanted to celebrate there grannies birthday.

birthdays with kids in the house are supposed to be fun and celibrated. Well op won't make the same mistake again will she maybe mil should spend Her birthday with just FIL and BIL next year.

LondonKitty · 22/07/2015 08:30

It took me days to read all of this (minutes here and there at work and between busy family stuff... and it was LONG). I'm just so glad the cake was eaten... By the end I wasn't even rooting for particular eaters, just the eating. Finally... Closure!

SanityClause · 22/07/2015 08:42

So, it sounds like MIL expects to eat birthday cake for breakfast, and as she couldn't eat it on her birthday, because of BIL, she ate it for breakfast the next day, instead. Fair enough.

I agree that BIL is the person who is coming off worst in all this. But then, they let him get away with it, I suppose.

2rebecca · 22/07/2015 10:28

I'm not clear what BIL has done here that is so wrong. He's 25 and on holiday and his idea of a good holiday is up until 4am playing computer games then sleep until noon. If he'd been told that if he wanted to go away with extended family he had to get up at 9am and socialise he'd maybe have said he preferred to stay at home.
The rest of the family don't have to wait for him to wake up before they get on with their days or go where he fancies for dinner or save him and only him a piece of cake. They choose to do this.
MIL ate the cake for breakfast and saved a piece for BIL the day after her birthday. It's not clear why she couldn't have done this on her birthday.
They don't sound much fun to go on holiday with though and I wouldn't be bothering again.

sunshinenanny · 23/07/2015 05:49

No wonder so many people don't get on with their in laws.
What a horrible woman your MIL is and as for greysheep your cousins situation is unbelievable.

Tell these spoilt brats to grow op and set a better example to their grandchildren! Then have a glass of Wine

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