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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL birthday cake - I know I am being childish

414 replies

Happy36 · 20/07/2015 17:19

Today is MIL's birthday. We are on holiday with them so all staying in the same house. She spends the entire time in the kitchen watching television. Last night I went into the kitchen and said, I hope you don't mind, I am going to make a cake. It's her birthday today and I bake rarely; my husband who helped me with the cakes vakes even less frequently than I do. So it was pretty obvious we were making her birthday cake.

Then after she had gone to bed, we iced and decorated the cake and put it in the fridge, where everyone could see it.

This morning my husband spoke to his father and said that we would give MIL her gifts and sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake after lunch (when my husband's younger brother usually gets up). So I told the children and they were wonderfully stoical about waiting until 4pm to give their grandmother their cards and gifts, and to try the cake.

Now it's 6.15pm and there's no sign of any present-giving, (slightly irrelevant but I am angry so I'll add that brother-in-law has eaten multiple slices of brioche smothered in Nutella) and the kids know that they mustn't complain as it's not their birthday which is almost heartbreaking to watch. I asked my husband to have another word with his dad but he said it would be rude as it's his mum's day and we will do the singing, etc. when she says she wants to.

Now father in law has just shouted upstairs that we are going out in 20 minutes. I have no idea what is going on and my husband is taking a nap.

I know I am being very childish but I rwally needed to rant. Sorry.

OP posts:
whattheseithakasmean · 20/07/2015 18:07

Get the cake out, get candles, get the kids & presents and say in a jolly cheerful tone 'Birthday cake time now!' and start singing Happy Birthday. The kids will join in, give her the presents & you can cut the cake.

Just do it, in a non confrontational manner with absolutely certainty - what can she do?

Finola1step · 20/07/2015 18:08

Level of authority?
Dh and FIL "will go mad" if you take out the cake you made so that the dc can sing HB to their granny.
BIL sleeping until past midday and then napping before dinner. Or is that escaping?
This thread has bags of potential. Sorry OP but this is all very odd. Can I at least offer you some Cake?

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/07/2015 18:08

I just realised. I'm on a 2 day of the 5:2 and really want someone to get cake today. Have Cake goddammit.

Mummymoanasaurus · 20/07/2015 18:09

Get the cake out and cut big slices for you and the children and eat it in front of her. I really couldn't be asked with all the passive aggressive faffing that is going on! I wish you luck for the rest of the holiday. Is BIL a teenager?

ImperialBlether · 20/07/2015 18:09

What a mad bunch of people you're with! And you're no better, OP, wanting cake for breakfast!

Surely presents and cards are given as soon as you see someone on their birthday, which in your case would be breakfast time.

The cake would be eaten at tea-time.

Doesn't everyone do this?!

goldenhen · 20/07/2015 18:10

Before the whole thread starts baying for blood in AIBU style and calling your MIL a narc and insisting you cut all these people out of your life - OP, do you mean your MIL actually said haughtily "I will decide if and when I want the cake later"? Or do you mean that your FIL batted away your DH's nudge with "oh, she'll decide if and when she wants it later"?

Because if it's the former, you give it to her at a point of your choosing before the children go to bed, sing Happy Birthday, and say to her "of course you don't have to eat it now, but I know the children really wanted to sing" (big fake grin).

If it's the latter, it's classic bloke breakdown in communication / avoidance and you give your MIL the cake NOW, and bear in mind the poor lady probably thinks you're all being weird for not giving her the cake that's obviously for her, but it would be rude for her to ask.

Either way she gets a song and cake this evening before you all have a row about it.

Fairy13 · 20/07/2015 18:10

terry when there is a world where cake creates so much drama, you can't do anything but be invested in the outcome.

Op. Get a fork. Get a bottle of wine. Eat and drink yourself into a coma and then YOU go to sleep.

Taytocrisps · 20/07/2015 18:14

It doesn't sound like much of a holiday!

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 20/07/2015 18:14

Go and wake your husband up and ask him what the hell he's playing at.

fuzzywuzzy · 20/07/2015 18:16

Nip out get a cake for you and kids and enjoy it.

It's so mean to refuse to have cakes and gifts when kids are waiting to give their gifts.

She sounds like a cow.

PrincessOfChina · 20/07/2015 18:17

Jeez. Eat the frigging cake.

Icimoi · 20/07/2015 18:19

Why would your DH go mad if you got the cake out? If he helped to make it, doesn't he want his DM to have it on her birthday? And doesn't he want his DC to enjoy themselves?

How about if you stopped the tiptoeing round MIL and said "MiL, the children have been dying to give you your presents and cake all day, they have to go to bed soon, can I suggest we drag DH and BiL out of their pits and do it all at 6.30?"

ImperialBlether · 20/07/2015 18:20

Why can't you just call out, "MIL, when can the children give you your presents?"

WipsGlitter · 20/07/2015 18:21

Sounds like an interesting holiday!!

Katsite · 20/07/2015 18:22

oh, this is going to be a good one, isn't it? placemarking.

Blowingoffsteam · 20/07/2015 18:23

Or just send it to meGrinCakeGrin

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/07/2015 18:23

OP has gone out. The DC are cakeless and weeping. All hope is lost. Please, won't someone think of the Cake?

PrincessFiorimonde · 20/07/2015 18:27
Confused
MatildaTheCat · 20/07/2015 18:29

MIL sounds as if she has got a massive strop on about something. Call out a the minute warning and just do it. Surely if you are going out (to eat?) then you need to get going? Could cake be pudding?

Anyway, where are you that the tv is so good she sits in the kitchen all day yet is described as the centre of attention etc? All mighty odd.

AutumnshadesofGold · 20/07/2015 18:30

Pulls up chair to wait on the op and the goddamn cake

babyiwantabump · 20/07/2015 18:30
Cake
GladysTheGolem · 20/07/2015 18:32

Do you think they've had a good fight?

Mmbop · 20/07/2015 18:33

I hope op's just snapped and taken a fork to the cake Cake

MissJoMarch · 20/07/2015 18:33

Sounds like DH & FIL are laying claim to being the 'original family' and claiming to know what MIL wants without communicating.

I get this crap all the time. Whatever BIL says is law & im looked on with derision for suggesting anything else.

So I just ignore the lot of them & let them get it with their little family drama making MIL the queen of fucking everything

I would suggest you deal with the matriarch by just smiling & nodding, and make two cakes next year

Scholes34 · 20/07/2015 18:33

Doesn't matter when MIL wants to eat the cake. Gerting cake out is just the opportunity to get people together to sing happy birthday and blow out candles and it then means the cake can finally be cut. The DCs can have their cake then and MIL her later. Seems like everyone's missed this opportunity now if they've all gone out cakeless.

My goodness. If they didn't have cake at 4.00 pm what did they do instead??