MIL birthday cake - I know I am being childish

[Happy36]

Today is MIL's birthday. We are on holiday with them so all staying in the same house. She spends the entire time in the kitchen watching television. Last night I went into the kitchen and said, I hope you don't mind, I am going to make a cake. It's her birthday today and I bake rarely; my husband who helped me with the cakes vakes even less frequently than I do. So it was pretty obvious we were making her birthday cake.

Then after she had gone to bed, we iced and decorated the cake and put it in the fridge, where everyone could see it.

This morning my husband spoke to his father and said that we would give MIL her gifts and sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake after lunch (when my husband's younger brother usually gets up). So I told the children and they were wonderfully stoical about waiting until 4pm to give their grandmother their cards and gifts, and to try the cake.

Now it's 6.15pm and there's no sign of any present-giving, (slightly irrelevant but I am angry so I'll add that brother-in-law has eaten multiple slices of brioche smothered in Nutella) and the kids know that they mustn't complain as it's not their birthday which is almost heartbreaking to watch. I asked my husband to have another word with his dad but he said it would be rude as it's his mum's day and we will do the singing, etc. when she says she wants to.

Now father in law has just shouted upstairs that we are going out in 20 minutes. I have no idea what is going on and my husband is taking a nap.

I know I am being very childish but I rwally needed to rant. Sorry.

Please will you update this evening to tell us if the cake has finally been eaten?

Defo agree it's an example of ungrateful passive aggressive wanting the cake to not taste its bestness. Your kids sound really well mannered!

I agree that they will eat it without you, with candles and fanfare - and they will take photos of YOUR children smiling and enjoying it with granny.

And YOU won't be able to put your finger on why this annoys the tits off you - and you'd look like a petty twat for saying anything.

Which you're not.

The only way to avoid this is to throw the cake out at 6am or take it with you.

Or she will WIN

it's my birthday on Saturday, noone will buy or make me cake-can I have the cake?

I think you have pissed mil off that's why she is hiding in the kitchen all day.

The cake will be eaten before you come home.

She sounds weird

I'm completely baffled at a grown woman, married with kids, not having the 'level of authority' needed to produce a cake from the fridge for her MIL.

Do you walk ten paces behind your DH when out shopping, as well?

Yeah I kind of agree with OT.

If I ever felt too scared to produce a birthday cake with my kids and not make one again and is seriously consider the amount of time my kids spent around them

Can I suggest this cake for next year?

I can understand why OP waited, to be fair.

They were stuck on holidays together, living in the same small space. It was MIL's 'day' - I probably would have waited too.

They sound like a pack of wankers though.

I think the cake will actually sprout legs out of sheer horror at being used in this passive aggressive 'celebration', and run far, far away. No-one will know what happened to the cake, and they'll all blame everyone else and bash each other with playstations or watch tv for an entire week in a hot kitchen or something.

Then one day in the future, a leader will emerge, full of fury for his lost childhood in a fridge surrounded by angst and levels of authority about him and destroy the fucking earth.

His name with be Cake and it will be your fault OP, your fault.

Can I just say - Victoria Sponge!!!! I won, told y'all. Coffee and Walnut indeed. Who knows how long that type of cake would have been ignored for.
OP next year tell em to sort it themselves then take your kids out for the day with endless cake for them. Crazy fuckers

I say smash the cake and leave - bring cake home for the kids later

So they waited around all day and never produced the cake! I'd be having the mother of all rows with DH if it was me.

Riiiiight.
I still don't understand why DH and FIL would have gone mad or why OP doesn't feel she has authorised clearance to serve cake she made.
I hope someone eventually enjoys this poor wee cake.

TBF, I don't understand why I've become invested in a weird cake thread!

This thread is beyond weird.
Since when do you need a level of authority to bring out birthday cake?!
YOU made it, it's the MIL mad bat's birthday, YOU bring it out and start the singing happy birthday routine!
As the birthday person, you don't get to demand when the cake's cut and when you should be sung to. It just happens when the family brings out the cake, adorned with candles, singing "happy birthday to yoooooo"
Oh, and an aside if this is real you have the most patient kids in the world EVER. Mine would have either taken it upon themselves to start the singing so they could get on with cake eating, or driven us all crackers whining for cake every 5 minutes until one of us cracked!

Mind games over a cake is a new low OP. I'd 'drop' it while getting something out of the fridge and give it to kids as its 'not fit for singing/candles any more'....

And not having enough authority - thats why she is manipulating you! She knows she can strop and you will accomodate/enable it. Time to put some boundaries and ground rules - subtly, not overtly as thats grounds for more stropping - in place. You can outmanoeuvre peeps like that it just has to be subtle!

You need to set up one of those cringey cake smash photo ops. Set up a camera, give mil a wooden spoon, put a massive bow in her hair and tell her to go for it. When she's looking at you all confused take her by the wrist and mush her hands into the cake whilst cooing about how adorable it is.

God I hate when these fairly simple albeit a bit weird threads get turned around just because we didn't get the dramatic ending we hoped for!

OP lacks a sense of humour how rude! She posted for a rant ffs not to make it into Classics!

I don't see what the MIL did wrong? She's not going to demand her own cake is she so probably sat patiently waiting and didn't want to seem rude. If u was going for a meal why didn't u take it to light after the meal?

Do you have issues with asserting yourself op? As you express fears over something that should have been simple. I'd have gathered everyone together or asked DH to then asked him to produce the cake and everyone sing etc.

If I was her I'd not ask for my own cake or control when it was given. I'd pretend I knew nothing about the cake to play along with the suprise. Clearly the issue is witj FIL not giving a shit, BIL been lazy and your DH not daring to take control. You have over thought this and as a result MIL has probably been a bit confused as to why she didn't get the cake and at the end of the night mentioned it.

Gawd, reminds me of my cousin's DD's first birthday party. When it came to cake time my cousin and her DH called everyone in, including both sets of grandparents. While they were busy lighting the candle, and so had their backs turned to the crowd, the in-laws very deliberately slipped out the back for a smoke. My poor cousin and her DH couldn't have/didn't realise until candles blown out that one set of grandparents outside. So, her DH went out to ask them were they alright, and they said that obviously they are not the most important GPs, if they were their absence would have been noticed, that it was a test and my cousin and her DH had failed!!!

They did a re-run of the candles, which was ridiculous, everyone had to gather again, in-law GPs got the DD and cake and candle to themselves but were still scowling as no-one had "noticed" them leaving earlier, and everyone was totally bemused.

Ridiculous carry-on but it does happen, and it's about CONTROL.

I never realised cake caused more problems than its solves.

Mind blown.

Just got home from morning at work. MIL and FIL have eaten most of the cake for breakfast and say it was delicious. Children went bowling with my husband and two kids who are staying up the road (we know them from home), should be back soon for lunch. BIL is, of course, asleep! He has been saved a special piece of cake too - he loves cake whereas my husband and I are ambivalent.

Thanks, SrAssumpta.

That's actually really mean

And Tequila nails it. Did they not even save you a bit, OP, or the kids? Fucking weirdos. Never ever ever make MIL a cake again - who knows what would happen a second time?

thegreysheep, . That is insane. Sadly the insecurity of which set of GPs is best is all too familiar to me. What gets in to people when their first GC comes along? It's like previously normal people go absolutely ruddy demented. My mum and MIL included (although MIL aimed hers at SIL, not me).