MIL birthday cake - I know I am being childish

[Happy36]

Today is MIL's birthday. We are on holiday with them so all staying in the same house. She spends the entire time in the kitchen watching television. Last night I went into the kitchen and said, I hope you don't mind, I am going to make a cake. It's her birthday today and I bake rarely; my husband who helped me with the cakes vakes even less frequently than I do. So it was pretty obvious we were making her birthday cake.

Then after she had gone to bed, we iced and decorated the cake and put it in the fridge, where everyone could see it.

This morning my husband spoke to his father and said that we would give MIL her gifts and sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake after lunch (when my husband's younger brother usually gets up). So I told the children and they were wonderfully stoical about waiting until 4pm to give their grandmother their cards and gifts, and to try the cake.

Now it's 6.15pm and there's no sign of any present-giving, (slightly irrelevant but I am angry so I'll add that brother-in-law has eaten multiple slices of brioche smothered in Nutella) and the kids know that they mustn't complain as it's not their birthday which is almost heartbreaking to watch. I asked my husband to have another word with his dad but he said it would be rude as it's his mum's day and we will do the singing, etc. when she says she wants to.

Now father in law has just shouted upstairs that we are going out in 20 minutes. I have no idea what is going on and my husband is taking a nap.

I know I am being very childish but I rwally needed to rant. Sorry.

Wow.

I would actually be really upset (and yes I know it's just a cake). You made the effort to bake he a cake for her BIRTHDAY so that the children could share it with her and she waited till you (and the kids I presume) were out of the way to eat it??????

What a bitch.

Oh and if I were you I would eat lazy BIL's slice on purpose.

Christ, I thought it was only my MIL that had cake politics issues.

A few years back, when she retired, she rented a big house and invited everyone she'd ever met some friends to stay for a week. It was the week before DS's first birthday and my grandmother died the night we were due to leave so I'd got loads of baking going on anyway and I was keeping busy, plus I usually take a cake/scones/biscuits when I visit.

So before we left, while DS had his morning nap I whipped up a cake. Nothing fancy, just a chocolate sponge with smarties on top, shoved it in the car and we set off.

When we arrived DH said, as we were unpacking, "Oh, Toria made a cake, where should we put it?" Cue mil's panic stricken face, followed by "But X made a cake for me."

We both looked rather bemused and I decided to set off in search of the kitchen and a kettle. Once there I found all manner of cakes and homebaking so added it to the pile and made a coffee.

About an hour later we were summoned to coffee and The Cake. Now to be fair, X was a baker before he retired and the cake was beautifully iced and, I'm told, lovely. But I don't like fruit cake so I had a scone that someone had laid out. It was all very lovely.

My cake was served up with afternoon tea at some point (We'll have YOUR cake today Toria, said with a "there there" smile) along with all the rest of the homebaking (which it turned out had almost all been done by mil) and I've never yet figured out why she thought I'd be upset at my cake not being centre of attention.

I appreciate it's not the same as OP's story but I'm glad I'm not the only one with cake related in law weirdness!

Fuck that OP.
Piss on BIL's cake and then refuse to participate in all future meals/birthdays /anything.

Please give BIL's slice to the kids!

X-post, ok, your in laws win. That's fucking ridiculous. Not even any for the kids?

How far from home are you holidaying if you're able to go to work and the children from home are also there?

Are you camping in your in-law's garden?

Maybe you should bake a birthday cake each day remaining of your holidays and have daily practices at 3pm? The full lights out, candles blazing and raucous singing of Happy Birthday. That way you can practise being assertive and Mil gets to practise feigning surprise and might even appreciate the experience.
Also, you really need to upgrade your authority status to 'access all areas' - I eventually learned in life that sometimes I should insist on getting my way even if I'm not particularly bothered just to make a point. Good luck!

So there was no ceremonial singing/candle blowing out? They just scoffed it? For Breakfast??!

If you live locally enough to have local kids near by and go to work then why did no-one book a table somewhere locally for her birthday meal last night? 7 of you travelling nearly 2 hours for a meal plus 2 hours back and no-one checking opening times and reserving a rable is unbelievable.
I'd have gone home when travelling an hour to a brewery no-one had checked was open and no-one eating the cake became the plan.
You all sound weird.

Tooextra yes it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy - because cousin's in-laws are so difficult to be around they actually see less of their son and his family, which further reinforces the inferiority complex, and round it goes...

OP the outcome is not a surprise, sadly. At least you'll know not to bother baking MIL a cake again, what weirdos!

Agree that TV in kitchen, going to work for just a morning and being back before 2 and your kids playing with kids they know up the street does make it sound as though you haven't gone on holiday but are just staying with your inlaws who live round the corner.

Cow waited until you went to work, and kids were out, and just scoffed cake for brekkie! But BiL gets a slice saved for him? Not their grandkids, not their other son, not their DiL who frickin made the cake! I tell you I'd be NEVER baking either of them a cake ever again! I can't believe they left you, your DH and your DCs out so conspicuously like that.

I'd also bake another cake tonight, ice it with 'Happy Wednesday' and you, DH and DCs enjoy it tomorrow. Don't forget to save a slice for your neighbours cat or something.

She wanted the cake all to herself then, and managed it so that she didn't have to share with OP, her kids or her husband.

Impressive cake chess there from the MIL. If I was OP would have to get a separate cake for myself, DH and children and eat it in front of her, refusing to break eye contact the whole time, because I could not take that lying down.

I am practically speechless at her sheer front!

Aha, great cake minds AdeleDazeem

Scalliondays that’s perfect, did I mention I have a terrible singing voice too? :D

We’re in the mountains, not too far from home, and luckily a short train ride from my work (45 mins. High speed trains are brilliant). The climate here is nicer and there’s more for the children to do; they get very bored in the city in the summer holiday, and a change of scene is lovely for everyone. I am technically on holiday, but went into work this morning for a meeting and to do a few other bits and pieces. We are off to the beach on Thursday!

Kids not at all bothered about cake as it’s not anyone’s birthday, and they are still in raptures over having wings AND ice-cream last night, and going bowling (first time for my daughter).

2rebeca Local kids are nearby as we go on holiday every summer to the same place. A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I offered to take MIL and the rest of the family to lunch yesterday for her birthday, as this is what we do every year (to different restaurants), but she said no thank you. FIL said we would stay at home and MIL, my husband and I went shopping on Sunday and bought a nice kind of chicken flan type thing from a bakery that we were planning to have yesterday.

Then BIL said to his parents that he wanted to eat out so we did that. FIL found the brewery online and decided to take us all there. I had no idea where we were going and my husband and I were only told about it half an hour before...but we’re hardly going to say no on his mother’s birthday. We did ask where were going but got the whole, “It’s a surprise” response which is reasonable as MIL could have overheard and FIL presumably wanted to surprise her.

FIL is always like this, last minute plans. In the past, I’ve been stupid enough to say things like, shall we check? Shall we book? And been looked at as though I’m the biggest fun spoiler in the world. So now I just go with the flow.

Sorry, having problems posting: my employer gave me a new “Chromebook” to use recently and it keeps malfunctioning. ICT support technician looked at it this morning and confirmed that it is indeed malfunctioning. Apparently my boss’ is even worse(!)

Did MIL mutter, "it's mine, all MINE" as she scoffed it this morning? I wouldn't actually care if the kids weren't bothered. I would be bothered that Granny acted in such a mean way to them. Kind of thing my narc FIL does to piss everyone off. Luckily he's scared of me/likes me so I'm always 'in on' his little jokes and can head them off at the pass.

OP - your inlaws are rude and ungrateful. BIL is a manchild too! I hope your children got to have a slice of cake.

God your BIL sounds like my 'baby' SIL (who's now nearly 30). A spoilt brat who sulked at Xmas because no-one was paying her attention and stormed out because her niece wasn't handing out presents properly.

I think we may have the same SIL anon! Mine (also nearly 30) stormed out at Christmas because apparently no one appreciated the effort she'd gone to with her gifts, she was being 'left out', no one was spoiling her enough and because DH and I had been given a double bed (at the IL's house abroad) and she (on her own) only had a single bed!

I can't have the same SIL as you anon and Worlds as mine's a little over 30 but surely there can't be that many brats out there Mine had a massive sulk at Christmas because dn (her own baby daughter!) had more in her stocking then SIL did! (SIL being the only adult to still get a stocking as the rest of us couldn't care less). SIL also gets very stroppy if anyone gets anything 'better' than her.

Mine told me in all seriousness that sh had felt left out the year before because her parents were busy with GCs spending their first Xmas all together with them.
She then sulked because apparently we 'looked miserable' on Xmas morning. If been up since 1 with ASD child and BIL had been up since 4 with baby.

Then stormed off during the ceremonial present giving ceremony.

Whereabouts in the world do you live?

Someone bakes a birthday cake, takes it to their house, sneaks into the kitchen to light candles whilst the birthday person pretends not to notice, lights are dimmed, cake is brought out, everyone sings Happy Birthday, candles blown out, cake baker slices cake and the birthday person gets the biggest bit or a piece with the fanciest decoration on.

Everyone eats cake. The end.

No set times, the birthday person doesn't get to say when or how or what. It's a gift.

I don't understand most of this but I like the thread.

Mine was gutted that our DD (first grandchild) was a girl as she wouldn't be 'the princess' anymore .