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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL birthday cake - I know I am being childish

414 replies

Happy36 · 20/07/2015 17:19

Today is MIL's birthday. We are on holiday with them so all staying in the same house. She spends the entire time in the kitchen watching television. Last night I went into the kitchen and said, I hope you don't mind, I am going to make a cake. It's her birthday today and I bake rarely; my husband who helped me with the cakes vakes even less frequently than I do. So it was pretty obvious we were making her birthday cake.

Then after she had gone to bed, we iced and decorated the cake and put it in the fridge, where everyone could see it.

This morning my husband spoke to his father and said that we would give MIL her gifts and sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake after lunch (when my husband's younger brother usually gets up). So I told the children and they were wonderfully stoical about waiting until 4pm to give their grandmother their cards and gifts, and to try the cake.

Now it's 6.15pm and there's no sign of any present-giving, (slightly irrelevant but I am angry so I'll add that brother-in-law has eaten multiple slices of brioche smothered in Nutella) and the kids know that they mustn't complain as it's not their birthday which is almost heartbreaking to watch. I asked my husband to have another word with his dad but he said it would be rude as it's his mum's day and we will do the singing, etc. when she says she wants to.

Now father in law has just shouted upstairs that we are going out in 20 minutes. I have no idea what is going on and my husband is taking a nap.

I know I am being very childish but I rwally needed to rant. Sorry.

OP posts:
DustBunnyFarmer · 21/07/2015 06:37

Hmmm. Is she controling about other things? That "might have cake tomorrow" sounds like a cake snub to me.

DustBunnyFarmer · 21/07/2015 06:40

I would consider baking a new, identical cake for consumption. When she asks why I'd tell her that the children have nern so patient you can't expect them to wait any longer & also that you prefer cske that's not gone stale through ignoring.

LindyHemming · 21/07/2015 06:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stitchintime1 · 21/07/2015 06:44

There are two threads on MN at the moment involving cake. I think there must be something in the atmosphere. Least helpful post ever.

NewFlipFlops · 21/07/2015 06:49

This thread is depressing. I want to rerun it like this:

OP is kind enough to bake a cake. Good wishes to MIL happen in the morning. MIL then has reasonable cake veto until the afternoon. She starts foot dragging after 4pm so OP unilaterally removes cake from fridge and serves to DCs, with a request to "leave some for MIL!" Sleeping and alternatively eating menfolk are ignored as they are not a) the birthday person nor b) children. MIL is NOT given the opportunity to allow the cake to go stale and wilfully deprive the DCs.

NewFlipFlops · 21/07/2015 07:00

And today is not her birthday so the cake has become common property.

DustBunnyFarmer · 21/07/2015 07:01

Yes, the cake snubbing and wilful staleification* is heartbreaking. OP, you have my sympathies.

  • I may have had to create a new word for this shocking and saddening new phenomemon.
MyGastIsFlabbered · 21/07/2015 07:02

All through this thread I've had going through my head!

NewFlipFlops · 21/07/2015 07:05

Gast, I've had "if I'd known you were coming I'd 'a' baked a cake" Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 21/07/2015 07:29

So, can someone sum up please? I'm very busy --can't be arsed to read the thread-

LindyHemming · 21/07/2015 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pissedglitter · 21/07/2015 08:22

Go home and bake another cake to give to the kids
Anyone says anything just tell them the kids want cake and they are not eating that crap,it's been in the fridge for 2 fucking days

Then offer everyone else the stale cake for their weirdness Smile

Wine Think you might want one of these today

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 21/07/2015 08:25

I love the idea of taking a triangle slice out if the centre.Grin

Pop into the shops and get your dc some cake on your way home.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/07/2015 08:25

I never quite got that song, but randomly sang the 80's Disco version to my DS in the car last week while he looked on, mortified.

lutra3d · 21/07/2015 08:28

But who will do the cake if you aren't there OP?
Phone in sick.

TheRealAmyLee · 21/07/2015 08:30

I am actually impressed the kids held out. I used to bake for mil and it went like this:
opens front door a slight bit
Small whirlwind pushes past "grandma grandma we have cake and presents and have a present and happy birthdays and theres cake grandma look cake. Can we have cake grandma? Grandma look at your presrnt grandma i wrote in your card grandma is my writing nice grandma. Grandma caaaaaaake look at the cake..."

WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/07/2015 08:31

I think I can guess what will happen today....

Op goes to work, rest of her family and the Adams family rise for breakfast.

Granny witch goes into fridge and says "oh look kids, silly mummy forgot my cake" tutting and shaking her head....

Celebrations ensue and one tiny dry slice of left over cake is put back in the fridge without cling film for op to choke on later, when granny announces there is no milk for a brew to go with that....

Daughter - MIL war begins to escalate from this point onwards to Terminator levels. Daughter visits herself from future and pleads that she just gets the cake out without bloody permission to avert future bloodshed...

2rebecca · 21/07/2015 08:34

When she'd said "we might have the cake tomorrow" I'd have replied "well I'm never making you one again, the kids helped and were looking forward to singing happy birthday and eating it even if you didn't fancy a slice". All that driving sounds mad. It sounds as though you'd have needed 2 drivers so that's 2 sober people.

Wishful80sMontage · 21/07/2015 08:35

My god your in laws are really seriously weird!
I've had my own cake related in law issues (it was chocolate though not Victoria sponge) so I can sympathise.
If that cake is eaten while your at work you really have to say something op!

2rebecca · 21/07/2015 08:40

I don't think the young BIL being in bed half the day was a problem. He's on holiday and can organise his day how he wants. The problem was no-one else wanting to do anything whilst he was in bed. They should have just got on with life and he could give presents/ eat cake when he got up.
I really don't get why your husband and FIL feel they got any say with what you decided to do with a cake you made. It wasn't their cake or any of their business.
Agree that I'd have just got it out and presented it with singing children when you thought the time was appropriate. Different if FIL had made the cake. Sounds like they don't get the concept of birthday cakes.

Sheezus · 21/07/2015 08:41

I thought my IL's had an odd hierarchy.
Cake boss MIL takes it to a new level!

WixingMords · 21/07/2015 08:41

Feed the cake to the birds; if there are any birds where you are.

2rebecca · 21/07/2015 08:42

I'm not sure how you can say they are nice. They sound controlling, thoughtless and ungrateful.

Preciousbane · 21/07/2015 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 21/07/2015 09:07

I cannot believe that the cake is still uneaten! "I might want cake tomorrow" - OMG, OP, how did you not roar with rage and throw yourself at the old bat in a mad wrestling take-down?

And driving for an hour, with hungry cake-less kids in the car, followed by another 45 minutes? Jesus wept.