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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give up on real life friends and just rely on you lot instead?

180 replies

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 20/07/2015 09:06

We're having a party for a significant occasion. Invitations went out months ago and we had about 50 guests and their dcs, coming. It's now coming up to the day and in the past week about half have cancelled. Even dh's sister.

Most reasons are "we have plans the following week and don't want to travel before them".

I am feeling very friendless and sad.

I've struggled to make friends since we moved here and was really looking forward to people visiting and feeling like I do have friends.

So would I be unreasonable to give up on the real world and just drift off into the MN ether forever?

I'm quite nice really Sad

I'd just like one friend to be able to have a cuppa with once a week and chat about stuff.

Before anyone suggest MN local, there is only tumbleweed blowing through mine :o

OP posts:
Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 22/07/2015 20:13

Didn'tseethis, it does seem to be a societal shift. Luckily the people who are coming are all of the unpretentious type.

In fact I think they'd all climb a tree if I asked them to :)

GOLD, that is far too long in hospital. Dh is a northerner. He says "Bradford! That's not proper North!" But then he says that about more places :o occasionally I like to describe Manchester as northern just to see him sweat.

OP posts:
SocksRock · 22/07/2015 20:15

I've packed the car! Kids and all - they are hard workers though, and good and active. We did a 7km hike today with a 90 minute stop off mid way to build dens in the wood. I did carry the 2yo in my shoulders for a bit, but she did do well. I'm looking forward to a lie in hollow laugh

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 22/07/2015 20:17

Xpost, alpaca, always welcome :) I'll book you on the local donkey.

Wyrd, why thank you :o it is sad. I think it's also hard when you're someone who does honour invitations where possible and if it wasn't would have a damn good excuse. You're right about the weak excuses being upsetting too. They really were rubbish.

OP posts:
LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 22/07/2015 20:18

I Live in huddersfield if that's more northern... well I visit a place I used to call home there when I'm not in a BRI bed Wink . I'm northern where it counts.

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 22/07/2015 20:18

I hope that doesn't mean you're reet grim!

OP posts:
LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 22/07/2015 20:23

Eww! Haha. Not that I am aware of... I shower daily I promise!
lolimax my stupid kindle won't let me message you, feel free to drop me a message x

Atenco · 22/07/2015 20:24

Just read the OP, but I just wanted to send my sympathies, I hate giving parties because it really stresses me when people don't turn up. I gave a birthday party for my dd when she was ten and nobody came or even bothered to cancelled, it was even worse than if it had happened to me. The best thing to do is to concentrate on the ones who are coming.

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 22/07/2015 20:28

Atenco, your poor dd, people can be so thoughtless. You're right, I worry more about the dcs' parties.

I may end up an alcoholic by the end of the summer if no one comes. We already stocked up on booze.

GOLD, glad to hear it :)

OP posts:
EeekEeekEeekEeek · 23/07/2015 09:42

didn't see, I lost my best mate to affluenza. One minute it was baggy jeans and NME, then suddenly every meet-up involved detailed quoting of bonuses, pay rises, house prices and promotions, with sentences like 'He's clever, he could earn so much more'. Money equalled worth. To make it even better, she was working for a debt management company that screwed indebted people by charging them for advice which the govt offered for free. This was OK because they were stupid for being indebted in the first place. At the time I was earning v little. It was seriously annoying. I don't see much of her nowadays. Sad.

I live in the West Country. Wales isn't that far. Can I come to FYParty?

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 23/07/2015 10:42

Sure, why not :)

I am lucky that I haven't lost anyone to affluenza. I nearly lost a friend to pretentia, but luckily she fell in love with a gruff northerner, who brought her back into the realms of the normal.

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EeekEeekEeekEeek · 23/07/2015 11:24

Grin pretentia. love it.

Dowser · 23/07/2015 12:12

I feel your distress.

I spent a £1000 on a big party for my 60 th. there were 90 people invited. Catering alone came to nearly half my budget. Then £260 for the two piece duo. £80 for the room. Bottles of champagne for the prizes of best dressed 50s man and woman. I made yards and yards of bunting, balloons, prizes for the people who found a golden ticket in the balloons.

There were tea lights on the tables, sweets. You name it. Everything was there. I was facing 60 when a bang.

Saturday night, fifty people turned up. We had a good time and ate well for a week on all the fresh salmon, beef, gammon, chicken etc but I vowed that's the last.

Of the people that turned up some came from opposite ends of the country. The ones that didn't were local.

Am invited to a 70 th this weekend and in all fairness it clashes with something on the Sunday that I need to be in another part of the country for that I had already agreed too but I won't let my friend down.

Mine was a winter birthday too and I will never forget the kindness of those that travelled up and booked a hotel room too.

I hope it goes really well and you have a lovely, lovely time.

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 23/07/2015 12:38

Thanks Dowser :) I just hope those who've said they'll come actually do.

Then I'm never organising anything ever again.

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poorbuthappy · 23/07/2015 12:56

When I arranged my 40th I really worried about cancellations. Most of them happened on the day and for really really stupid reasons.

Now we have almost finished our new shiny extension and people are asking when we are going to have an extension warming party...and of course its the people who cancelled last year who are asking....

Wonder what I'm gonna do??? Grin

By the way I'm in the wrong part of Wales, but shout loud party night and I'll raise my glass...Wine

WyrdByrd · 23/07/2015 13:30

I'm loving affluenza and pretentia Grin.

I have a friend who is flittering between the two. Her DH is sadly in the full grip of affluenza and I get the impression I don't quite cut the mustard as far as he's concerned so I'm not holding my breath for their acceptance of my invitation Hmm.

AGnu · 23/07/2015 13:38

I invited more than a dozen, mostly local, families for an open house for DH's 30th... One family came for half an hour. It was excruciating sitting around waiting for someone to turn up! I've told him he's not allowed to organise anything for my 30th - I'd cry for weeks if that happened at my birthday party! Sad

Here's hoping your party is more successful than ours was! Smile

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 23/07/2015 13:43

Gnu, my house will now stay closed, poor dh.

Wyrd, it's a terrible affliction :o

Poorbut, I can already see a few people saying "ooh we must do something to celebrate x" in the not too distant future. I will be pointing out that we did and even if no one shows up had a great time!

Good news is, we've spoke to the caterer and he's quite happy to reduce the numbers at no cost. So that's one less worry. We may be eating it all for months to come though :o

OP posts:
EeekEeekEeekEeek · 23/07/2015 14:09

Wyrd, affluenza is not my coinage sadly, it's the title of a book on status anxiety. Can't remember the author.

Pretentia is Chris' very own invention though, so credit to her Smile

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 23/07/2015 14:14

I dead cleverly added "a" and took off "ous" thus creating a whole new word.

That's conversational gold that is!

...

I forget why I don't have friends Hmm

:o

OP posts:
WyrdByrd · 23/07/2015 14:36

I have heard of affluenza but it's definitely more pretentia that my friend suffers from.

When I mentioned I was having a 'do' a few months ago so she could 'save' the date, she instantly replied (text) that it would probably just be her or her and DC attending.

I wouldn't mind but I've only met her DH twice!

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 23/07/2015 15:41

:o

It's a tough condition to combat.

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Dowser · 23/07/2015 16:53

Good news about the caterer.i didn't know till only 50 turned up.

Didntseethiscominghelpplease · 25/07/2015 09:51

This whole thread has cheered me right up. Out of it I think I am going to constantly remind myself that those friends I have lost to affluenza and pretentia are the ones who always come running when they need a shoulder to cry on. They are the ones who always text me if they see a new car on the drive, or this past week find out DS was sharp enough to snag a really good summer job simply by walking into a place he really wanted to work, 3 days later he was hired. Status anxiety is a horrible affliction and those of us who find ourselves affected by their friends having it should remember it is them who have the short straw. It must be horrible constantly trying to compete. Can't remember the proper name of the film but it was a play on "keeping up with the Jones' " with David Duchovny and Demi Moore. Great film and appropriately linked to this.

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 27/07/2015 11:54

I agree, it's much nicer to be happier with your lot :)

No more cancelations so far.

Fingers firmly crossed!

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WyrdByrd · 27/07/2015 14:01

Glad it's looking a bit more positive Smile.

I can't claim to always be happy with my lot - I'd like to earn at least 50% more than I actually do and be able to have a couple of weeks proper holiday a year instead of fecking camping, but I'd like those things for my own personal reasons/benefit, not because I'm comparing to anyone else.