AIBU to give up on real life friends and just rely on you lot instead?

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

We're having a party for a significant occasion. Invitations went out months ago and we had about 50 guests and their dcs, coming. It's now coming up to the day and in the past week about half have cancelled. Even dh's sister.

Most reasons are "we have plans the following week and don't want to travel before them".

I am feeling very friendless and sad.

I've struggled to make friends since we moved here and was really looking forward to people visiting and feeling like I do have friends.

So would I be unreasonable to give up on the real world and just drift off into the MN ether forever?

I'm quite nice really

I'd just like one friend to be able to have a cuppa with once a week and chat about stuff.

Before anyone suggest MN local, there is only tumbleweed blowing through mine :o

Flakiness in general is getting worse imo. I'd rather have 5 or 10 non-flakey, good friends coming to my do, than 50, most of which are come-day, go-day about friendships. Quality not quantity is definitely the way to go.

If it helps in any way, in my 20s and 30's I barely had any friends. I'm in my 50's now, and have some fab ones, who I made after I got divorced. Totally unflakey,funny, and loyal. The type of friend I always wished and pined for when I was younger. Some i made through evening classes, which then widened to friends of the friends i made through the classes. One is the Mum of dd's school friend, but we grew closer after our divorces and now we are like sisters. One is a neighbour. If I like someone, after a while I'll ask if they fancy going for a coffee. I'd not have done that when I was younger as I wouldn't have had the confidence. that's like the grown-up version of running up to someone in the playground and shouting "Do you want to play" LOL.

Don't be put off by the non-shows to your party. There are lovely people in RL who are good friend material.

Here's some for your party. Enjoy whoever does come.

Depends where you are. I'm in an English county that borders Wales. There's probably lots more than you think.

Icelandic you have very wise words and I hope that is how it shall be

Beyond, North? Mid? South?

Libraries, I'm the other side and pretty rural. But I'm sure there are some around :)

It's going to be the location totally. If it involves a long drive then initially it sounds like an adventure and nearer the time it sounds like a hassle. Still extremely bloody rude though, if you accept an invitation you should go except in an emergency.

Actually it's nearer than two weeks, it's a week today that we leave for Snowdonia

That is very rude of the guests. If they didn't want to travel so far or were likely to have other plans they should have declined in the first place.

I have found it difficult to maintain long distance friendships since having DC. am trying to do what icelandicsuperyoghurt (great name! And nice to know things can turnaround and social life improve!) suggests to make more local friends.

I think you're right about the travelling. Funnily enough, those coming the furthest are the ones coming. So I shall love them all the more.

Whereabouts in Snowdonia? It's a very beautiful part of the world.

Maybe I should just work on convincing all mners to move to wales instead. It's great here! Fresh air, beautiful countryside, amazing beaches. And me!

So sorry that you are in this situation. I do find that people are more flaky these days, so much so that when my NCT friends arrange a meet I don't even bother to put it in my diary anymore as it's always cancelled. I do wonder how anyone has a social life these days.....

DH and I are planning on moving from the south to the west midlands next year and so hope people are more friendly and less flaky!

All the best with your party, maybe it will end up showing you who your true friends are!

Duck, I need to put myself out there. But currently just don't have the oomph to face rejections. It will happen one day. I hope.

As a fellow Bugler I'm only too happy to be your friend

It's shit trying to make friends in a new place as an adult because the people you'd like to strike up a friendship with have usually got a massive group of mates from school and half their family living down the road, and so have no need of your friendship. I found the same thing with my NCT group - lovely people, thought I'd make lots of friends, turns out everyone's just going to carry on hanging out with their mates from Year 9 bitter

Flakey cancelling also gives me the rage. It's the way every person thinks 'Oh well, there are loads of people going, won't matter if I just duck out . . . '

Thanks Oak, I think you're right. I will certainly know who I can rely on :)

Well, you've been threatening/teasing us with FYFestival for ages. Most of us are free... Just saying'.

Eeek, a Buger! We're a rare breed! Everyone just assumes Chris must be an ex :o

Bugler, not Buger :o

Pre, :o one day it will happen :o it will be especially for new and non-flakey friends and it will be amazing.

South east, chris

We had a party for dhs (significant) birthday a few years back. Newish friends drove down from scotland, yet his mum didnt come from local. People can be a bit shit :(

Beyond, you're a few hours away then. Stupid Welsh roads. They certainly can :(

I feel the same, I have a few old friends but all so flakey - yesterday a couple of our friends were due to come round and didn't even bother to cancel after we'd made sure we were home in time for them from my dm for lunch. Not only did they not bother to cancel but they were with another couple we know who they were bemoaning last time they were here. I even bought their favourite bottles of wine and made the garden look really pretty with the fire pit on and everything, then felt really sad.

There must be some way to make real friends for a 30+

Am I the only wondering if the OP has signed off all the invitations using her MN username?
:o

Just saying. Like.

Strawberry, have some that's rubbish. There must be a dating site for people who want to make non-flakey friends. I don't accept an invitation if I can't make it. I just expect the same from others. I need to stop doing that I guess.

Echt, would that put people off?!

'Wow, that Chris must have been a real bastard for her to have that username'

Aww, FuckYouChris - my lovely cousin (who lives in Wales) has invited me to a couple of parties for significant events in her life and I absolutely love her and all her sisters, but it is just TOO far for me to travel for a party! It would involve an overnight stay and a great deal of expense and I couldn't contemplate taking the children with me and so there would have to be some sort of childcare as dh works at weekends and ... yada yada. So don't take it personally, I am sure more people would come if you weren't such a long way away.

Dear Chris's friend,

Come to our lovely party.

Fuck you.

Mintyy, thank you :) I know it's a long way. Hopefully that's the reason and it's not me.

Really should send something in to be satirised. Maybe something about MN.