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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give up on real life friends and just rely on you lot instead?

180 replies

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 20/07/2015 09:06

We're having a party for a significant occasion. Invitations went out months ago and we had about 50 guests and their dcs, coming. It's now coming up to the day and in the past week about half have cancelled. Even dh's sister.

Most reasons are "we have plans the following week and don't want to travel before them".

I am feeling very friendless and sad.

I've struggled to make friends since we moved here and was really looking forward to people visiting and feeling like I do have friends.

So would I be unreasonable to give up on the real world and just drift off into the MN ether forever?

I'm quite nice really Sad

I'd just like one friend to be able to have a cuppa with once a week and chat about stuff.

Before anyone suggest MN local, there is only tumbleweed blowing through mine :o

OP posts:
Bringontheholidays · 20/07/2015 10:51

You've made me think about a couple of times I have cancelled over the last couple of years giving crap reasons (DH and I had been bickering!)
I might write a couple of hello notes to a few old friends I've neglected.

On behalf of other flakey people, sorry for your disappointment, hope its a good celebration.

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 20/07/2015 10:58

I appreciate that, Bringonthe :)

That 20 does include localish family, so maybe half that travelling. But I'm very glad they are coming. Hope it doesn't end up being just me and dh and a lot of food. I'll start a thread and you'll all have to turn up if that happens :o

OP posts:
MehsMum · 20/07/2015 10:58

then she mentioned how she was doing x and y later with her real friends That's horrible! Sad

Wales is looong way from anywhere, but I have low sympathy for people who say they'll come and then cancel with crap excuses like, 'we're about to go on holiday'. We just did a 5hr round trip and a night in a tent to go to a family party, and we're off on our hols later in the week. And it rained Sat night so the tents were wet when we got home...

Mind you, we are vv non-flakey, shit-hot on punctuality and over 40 i.e. boring, uncool and old. Which suits us nicely, except the old...

(PS I had indeed always assumed that Chris was an annoying ex who spent more time with his horse than with the OP.)

derxa · 20/07/2015 10:59

Why don't you invite your new neighbours?

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 20/07/2015 11:02

Mehs :o see? Everyone assumes that!

I'm the same. I've spent many a night in a tent after travelling 200 miles with small dcs to attend someone's significant do. Nothing wrong with uncool and reliable.

OP posts:
annandale · 20/07/2015 11:02

Nothing like dropping the average age of the Wi by joining...not that I have. I've strengthened my local friendships by taking on a youth group volunteer role but didn't feel able to do it until ds was 10.

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 20/07/2015 11:03

Derxa, we're pretty remote, so nearest neighbours are scattered over several miles. It is an option though. I will talk to dh :)

OP posts:
Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 20/07/2015 11:04

Annan, I think I'll do something like that when the littlies are a bit bigger

OP posts:
Bringontheholidays · 20/07/2015 11:29

Have your little ones broken up for the summer yet? I'm going to be brave this last week of school and suggest summer meet ups with a handful of parents/kids. I bet there are others who would appreciate company over the holidays.

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 20/07/2015 12:17

Bringonthe, just broken up last Friday. It's worth a try!

OP posts:
MehsMum · 20/07/2015 13:07

Chris, definitely invite your new neighbours. If you're pro-active, the worst that can happen is that no one turns up.

We had an inset day here years ago when my DC were small. I announced my day's plan to various new-ish friends - where, when, that they were welcome to join us - and we ended up with loads of kids running about and a driftwood bonfire on the beach. Those are the sort of things that move new friendships along a little. Plus, you look sociable and willing without looking desperate!

With one of the new-ish friends I started a book club. 10+ years on it's still going - we just asked a random selection of people that we knew and got the word out, and it worked. The oldest member is a grandma, the youngest has a baby. It can get quite loud and wine-fuelled. Sometimes we even talk about the book.

Sansarya · 20/07/2015 13:18

I hear you OP. I always make an effort to go to something if I've said I'm going but if it's anything I've organised then I can guarantee at least 3-4 cancellation texts the day of the event. People are crap.

Fleecyleesy · 20/07/2015 13:24

Op I wouldn't take it personally. Most families have too much to do and something has to give.

derxa · 20/07/2015 15:20

Chris
Coming from a rural background myself I know that people are much more willing to go to a 'do' You might find new friends amongst the horny handed sons (and daughters) of the soil! Also living in isolated area you might be glad of their help one day. Having said that I don't mean you should invite the world and his wife who might want to come have a nosey at the new neighbours' house Grin
Good luck

UrbanSunday · 20/07/2015 22:46

I had almost exactly the same issue last year. Loads of friends.messaging me to say when could they come and see the new place / when was I organising a weekend when everyone could come and camp etc. So I organised it and one by one everyone dropped out leaving me looking and feeling like a real reject. It must be a Wales thing. I am in rural Carmarthenshire! I am sure you will have a great time with those who do come.

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 22/07/2015 16:28

I've decided to look at this positively, and see it as a weeding out of flakey people :)

I shall blame the location (which is remote), and appreciate those who come all the more.

I know I'm not someone people warm to straight away. My closest, oldest friend worked alongside me for 9 hours a day, for a year, before we finally clicked :o

Given that, I do wonder how I will ever make friends! That's a lot of hours to put in :o

Thank you all. I'm not going to give up on RL just yet Wine Flowers

OP posts:
GloGirl · 22/07/2015 16:32

Can you speak to the caterer, and if they will still hold you to your original price, can you ask them to lower the numbers and increase the food quality perhaps?

Lolimax · 22/07/2015 16:32

I'm in wales. And just off the medication which means I can drink. And we're rent-a-crowd so we make our own party. Can we come, can we?

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 22/07/2015 16:34

Glo, I love that idea!

Loli :o bet you'd be double booked Wink

OP posts:
Lolimax · 22/07/2015 16:38

South or North? Lol!

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 22/07/2015 16:41

Just think of the remotest bit, and that's where I am. It's very lovely though just not when you want people to visit

OP posts:
Lolimax · 22/07/2015 16:59

That'll be up north then? Llyn?

Original poster
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 22/07/2015 17:06

But further south than that :)

OP posts:
timeforacheckup · 22/07/2015 17:21

I grew up in the remotest bit of Wales, between the Brecon Beacons and the Elan Valley. I moved away for work and would love to visit home more but it's such a long journey (5hrs with 2 small dc!!) so only manage it a couple of times a year. Really wish I was there this week as it's show week.

Lolimax · 22/07/2015 17:25

I'm valleys but mum died recently and lived in North Pembs. I love living in Wales!