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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be furious at friend for taking DD to Harry Potter auditions without telling me?

164 replies

ArtichokeTagine · 18/07/2015 19:51

So DD is 8 and obsessed with Harry Potter. Today my friend, her godmother, offered to have her for the day. I was surprised as she has never taken her out alone before but I thought it was a lovely idea. I asked what her plans were and she said she was unsure but they would do something "in town" (we live in London).

DD has just got home having spent the day queuing at the Excel centre for a Harry Potter audition!!! DD is shy and introverted and has never done a day's acting in her life and now she is all excited that she might be the next Emma Watson. I will have to spend days trying to delicately prepare her for the fact that is not going to happen.

Is this not a rather odd thing to do to somebody else's child without consulting the parents? I mean I am really cross but before I speak to me friend I wanted to check whether others would be equally cross. Am I overreacting and should I tell my friend it was an inconsiderate and irresponsible thing to build dreams in an 8 year old and expose them to rejection?

OP posts:

Littlefish · 18/07/2015 19:53

I think you're right to be very cross about this. She has completely overstepped the mark.

Duckdeamon · 18/07/2015 19:54

V odd thing to do without consulting you.

stargirl1701 · 18/07/2015 19:56

Ah, godmothers. Mine took me to get my ears pierced aged 10. My mum hit the roof when we got home. Every child needs a godmother

Baffledmumtoday · 18/07/2015 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPeeee · 18/07/2015 19:57

You are not BU. Totally out of line.

But can I just ask - is there another Harry Potter film coming out I haven't heard about?!

LilyMayViolet · 18/07/2015 19:58

I think not to speak to you about it first is extremely disrespectful. I have a distant family member who used to try similarly odd things with dd and I had to talk her down afterwards. It's really annoying.

Crumpet1 · 18/07/2015 19:59

Yanbu, but the more important thing here is Harry Potter auditions...when and where do I sign up?!

Hassled · 18/07/2015 20:00

I can see why you're cross, but it's one of those lifetime experiences she'll always remember - in 30/40 years' time she'll be posting on MN about the day she auditioned for HP. Yes, there will be short-term disappointment but she'll get over it soon enough - and she'll have seen quite how many people were in the queues.

MrsHathaway · 18/07/2015 20:00

It's a spin off about the mystical creatures book. I think the one who played Stephen Hawking is already caSt as the author but they need a child.

Friend will have had to lie to fill in the forms there. That should have told her how wrong she was. She's put you in a ridiculously difficult situation.

Pumpkinpositive · 18/07/2015 20:00

Did they pre-plan this?

Am I overreacting and should I tell my friend it was an inconsiderate and irresponsible thing to build dreams in an 8 year old and expose them to rejection?

Not sure I'm with you on this. Everyone has to build dreams and hopes - surely that's a good thing? And the flipside of this is that you risk disappointment.

Your friend may well have spoken to your DD about the likelihood of not being selected - do you know that she hasn't?

On the whole though, she should have asked beforehand.

But in a way, it sounds like a lovely adventure between the two. A bit like that kid on other thread recently who went wild at the fun fare with his £90 birthday money.

floatyflo · 18/07/2015 20:01

Did she know about the auditions? Are you sure they didn't walk past on the way to cinema/bowling/etc and discover them?

IHaveBrilloHair · 18/07/2015 20:01

That is really weird, and obviously planned in advance without telling you.

GERTI · 18/07/2015 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hamiltoes · 18/07/2015 20:04

I'm going to stick my head above the parapet here and go against the grain with another point of view...

She should have told you- lets get that out of they way first! Then again, the tales I could tell you of the things me and my "auntie" got up to

But, perhaps she thought it would be a great experience for your daughter and didn't think too much about wether she was letting her down for a fall? If she is shy an introverted, it sounds like an audition would have definitely taken a lot of bravery and confidence on her part, and perhaps thats what the godmother was trying to push? Especially if she is a HP fan.

I was going to say I'd find it hard to be cross about, but judging by the responses so far it seems alot of people would be angry. Was it just as an extra, or an actual part?

I think your friend probably thought that the chances of her getting it were slim and it would be a fun, confidence boosting thing to do.

minibmw2010 · 18/07/2015 20:04

Although I agree she should have mentioned it to you in advance (not necessarily asked as such) I disagree that opening them to disappointment is a bad thing. They can't always win, they can't always come first ....

SometimesItRains · 18/07/2015 20:04

Depends how disappointed your DD will be at not getting a role. As the mother of a shy boy, if someone had got him to go and audition for something I would actually be quite proud of him for having the confidence to do it. Could you turn it around by seeing if she wants to use her new found like for acting by doing some sort of stagecoach type class - which might in turn build her confidence more? I would be a little annoyed with my friend for not telling me what they were doing, but in the scheme of things it isn't a major issue - she was presumably safe at all times and had a fun day.

Fantasyland · 18/07/2015 20:06

I think you over reacting slightly, your daughter could have wanted to audition , it could have been a surprise like look what we been up to today kind of thing.
If you entrust your daughter with someone taking them out for a day I think they have different ideas what is fun or your daughter might suggest different things to do with her godmother, maybe she thought you would say no to queuing all day

Oliversmumsarmy · 18/07/2015 20:06

Surely she would have had to fill the form out as her parent or guardian, I don't think godmother on a day trip suffices.

SirChenjin · 18/07/2015 20:06

No, that was not on - plus it must have been a very boring day for her, surely? There were thousands of girls queuing apparently, it must have so dull for your DD.

TheHouseOnBellSt · 18/07/2015 20:06

I only see that your dd has had a memorable experience and is excited. For an introverted child to even GO is a BIG thing and you should be congratulating DD on her efforts.

So what if she doesn't get the part? Just stay positive....throw in a few comments like "Of course there were hundreds trying out so your chances are very low but didn't you do AMAZINGLY!! Not everyone has the nerve!"

Etc

stealthsquiggle · 18/07/2015 20:07

Weird that she didn't tell you, but definitely a cool Godmotherly adventure, so I would temper anything I said to her with "clearly DD had a great time, but...."

WyrdByrd · 18/07/2015 20:14

Your DD is shy & introverted but now she's excited about what she's been doing, and you are instantly assuming that all that will happen is that she'll be rejected and you'll have to pick up the pieces.

Playing devils advocate - what if she was offered a part? Would you still be furious? Would you let her take the opportunity?

I do get why you're cross (I've been in a similar position myself recently - was asked about DD's involvement & declined after discussing with DH + DD) but it is a shame that you are already assuming the worst possible outcome.

Thistledew · 18/07/2015 20:15

I don't think you need to get angry with her. Just ask her to confirm that she is happy to act as a chaperone for your DD if she gets a role, and if not, whether she is happy to be the one to tell your DD that in fact she can't take up the role.

Original poster

ArtichokeTagine · 18/07/2015 20:18

I think my anger is focused on two things:

She didn't tell me and presumably signed forms as if she had parental rights.

I've worked to stop all my kids from fetishising fame. I don't like how being famous is an ambition in itself nowadays. By exposing DD to thousands of fame hungry girls all day she's got DD talking like being rich and famous is the be all and end all.

And what if DD had actually got it? I'd have been stuck between exposing her to a world of paparazzi and terms off school OR being the meanest mum every by vetoing the part. This was the auditions for the lead role alongside Eddie Redmayne.

Ugh. Still v v cross. Will try wine and see if that calms me.

OP posts:

VinoTime · 18/07/2015 20:20

I don't see the issue...at all.

I wouldn't have a problem with my best friend taking my daughter to something like this. My 8yo DD loves Harry Potter and would have thoroughly enjoyed the experience. She would be on such a high to take part in something so special. And I would be very touched that my friend had thought to take my child to something she would enjoy so much. But my (overly sensitive and very sweet) DD is also grounded enough to know there is very little chance anything would come of it - it's like most things in life, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. Surely at 8 your DD understands that?

Life is full of rejections. It's full of people telling you "No", "Not now" and "Better luck next time". It's the taking part that matters - it's the experience of it all that your DD should remember. If the only thing your little girl is going to take from the day is the 'No' that may come from it, then without meaning to be at all rude or judgy OP, but I think that's something that needs addressing on your side as a parent. Personally speaking, I've taught my daughter to dream big and enjoy the places those dreams may take her. But I've also taught her that dreams don't always come true. And she understands that.

I personally think it's a lovely memory for a child to have: 'I remember when my Godmother took me to audition for Harry Potter. What a fab day that was!' They'll talk about it for years to come and it's something special for just the two of them to reminisce about.

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