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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious at friend for taking DD to Harry Potter auditions without telling me?

164 replies

ArtichokeTagine · 18/07/2015 19:51

So DD is 8 and obsessed with Harry Potter. Today my friend, her godmother, offered to have her for the day. I was surprised as she has never taken her out alone before but I thought it was a lovely idea. I asked what her plans were and she said she was unsure but they would do something "in town" (we live in London).

DD has just got home having spent the day queuing at the Excel centre for a Harry Potter audition!!! DD is shy and introverted and has never done a day's acting in her life and now she is all excited that she might be the next Emma Watson. I will have to spend days trying to delicately prepare her for the fact that is not going to happen.

Is this not a rather odd thing to do to somebody else's child without consulting the parents? I mean I am really cross but before I speak to me friend I wanted to check whether others would be equally cross. Am I overreacting and should I tell my friend it was an inconsiderate and irresponsible thing to build dreams in an 8 year old and expose them to rejection?

OP posts:
Supersoft · 18/07/2015 20:20

Did your dd enjoy the day? I think it was probably done with good intentions.

WaggleBee · 18/07/2015 20:21

I only see that your dd has had a memorable experience and is excited. For an introverted child to even GO is a BIG thing and you should be congratulating DD on her efforts.

I agree with this. Apart from not telling you, I don't see what's wrong really. She's had an exciting experience. She might actually get a part for all you know. If she doesn't then some disappointment and experience of rejection at her age is healthy.

But I an in the minority here so not going to say yabu as I'm probably wrong.

I wouldn't be negative about it in front if your dd though. It's done now.

LIZS · 18/07/2015 20:22

Realistically she isn't going to be offered the part on the basis of a headshot and application form alone. If you hear any more it is up to you whether to proceed, with self taping or audition etc. GM cannot make this decision and has no legal authority. She should have asked your permission and checked that you would be prepared to handle the disappointment or commitment. It was only announced on Tuesday, are they likely to have concocted this plan in the meantime? Did they know you would not approve?

Pumpkinpositive · 18/07/2015 20:22

This was the auditions for the lead role alongside Eddie Redmayne.

WTF, Eddie Redmayne is the lead in a Harry Potter movie? Shock

Is he not a bit ... old??

WaggleBee · 18/07/2015 20:23

Read your second post and I do actually think yabu.

Its not that big a deal. You're getting way ahead of yourself imagining all sorts of things.

SirChenjin · 18/07/2015 20:24

I agree with your reasons OP. She must have had an inkling that you wouldn't be happy, or she would have told you what she was doing - and the fact that she knew that, went ahead anyway, and signed the consent forms really wouldn't sit right with me.

Auditioning for something is (imo) not a big deal - but I would find the deception and 'creeping about' hard to take.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/07/2015 20:24

I think it's odd for her to take her without consulting you, but did you see the queues! There's no chance she'll get it.

SirChenjin · 18/07/2015 20:24

Pumpkin - it's not a Harry Potter movie, it's a spin off from the books iirc Smile

Becauseicannes · 18/07/2015 20:25

What is she got a part? Would you still be angry?

MrsHathaway · 18/07/2015 20:28

I agree that the secrecy is the issue. I think the producers would have had to turn them away if they knew DD was there without your knowledge let alone permission so friend must have fudged forms.

The fame fetish is an issue but I disagree that actors are famous for being famous. Emma Watson has spent years working very hard. She has very sensible parents who worked equally hard to keep her options open and protect her, and the studio (presumably this new film is also WB) seem to have protected all the children pretty well too. It's not like X Factor or similar exploitative and shallow programmes.

WixingMords · 18/07/2015 20:28

Did your daughter want to do this? Maybe it was a secret plan because your daughter knows you wouldn't approve.

Pumpkinpositive · 18/07/2015 20:29

Pumpkin - it's not a Harry Potter movie, it's a spin off from the books iirc

Cheers. Smile

OP, my mother was rather uptight and strict but I still don't think she'd have given a Castlemaine XXXX about this.

She'd probably have thought "rather you [godmother] than me standing in that queue full of high pitched pre-pubescent squeakers all day!" Grin

BarbarianMum · 18/07/2015 20:34

I think it's a bit odd not to have told you but it wouldn't bother me. It's an exciting thing to do, clearly not something you'd ever choose to do with your dd so a once in a lifetime experience for her, and if she gets the part (which she wouldn't based just on today anyway) then you should be bloody proud.

And fear of failure is a terrible reason not to try something.

Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 18/07/2015 20:47

For those asking whether I'd feel differently if DD got the part: no. in fact I'd feel worse that we had been put in that situation without consultation or choice.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 18/07/2015 20:47

There were 10000 at the audition.

I think your dd would have loved meeting new friends in the queue and getting all excited about the possibility of becoming an actress. It was a one off and as another has said up thread it will be a wonderful memory.

I think you are getting the ones who go on reality TV shows for instant stardom mixed up with trained actors and actresses. Being a proper actor is damned hard work and there is a lot of time where you are just hanging about, it is certainly not glamourous.

MistressMerryWeather · 18/07/2015 20:48

I think it would probably be best for you to focus on praising your shy and introverted DD for having the guts to audition, rather than the rejection.

I'm sure it was all very exciting regardless of the outcome. Maybe this will be the start of her coming out of her shell.

Did she ask her Godmother to take her?

AnImpalaCalledBABY · 18/07/2015 20:49

YANBU

as you say she must have signed a parental consent form which is totally overstepping

At the very least she should have asked you first

If she's never taken her out before this was clearly planned and she thought you wouldn't agree, I would not be happy at all

AnyoneForTennis · 18/07/2015 20:50

You are totally over reacting!

coconutpie · 18/07/2015 20:52

I think you are being a bit U. You should be proud of your DD - she's shy and introverted and managed an audition! It must have been exciting for her. Yes, your friend should have told you but it sounds like she had good intentions. What a good experience for your DD to audition for a HP role, that's so exciting for any child!

JennyLindsay · 18/07/2015 20:54

I'm sure it was a lark, and a fun day out, especially for a Harry-obsessed kid.

Oliversmumsarmy · 18/07/2015 20:54

If your dd did get the role there would be her own tutor on set and the experience she would get would last a lifetime. She would certainly learn that for every Red Carpet moment there has been months of hard work leading up to it.
But I am a firm believer in you only get one chance so if an opportunity to do something different comes along then grab it with both hands and see where it would lead.

coconutpie · 18/07/2015 20:54

And if she got offered the role, would you honestly turn it down?! Bloody hell, that would be awful if you did!!! Opportunities like that don't come along to everybody.

Emochild · 18/07/2015 20:54

I thought today's audition was for 10-12 year olds anyway dd is moaning that at 13 she's too old

Pointless waste of a day in London

morethanpotatoprints · 18/07/2015 20:58

It wouldn't bother me tbh, but could they have gone behind your back because they knew you wouldn't agree.
I bet it has boosted her confidence and no reason to let her down gently. Tell her the truth.
They are looking for a certain person, there will be lots of people who have had lots of theatre experience, it's a hard game, lots of time away from home, people better than you, more suitable, and of course if your face fits and you can do the job, then you might get lucky.

I totally agree about the fame hungry girls out there, yes it's great if you can back it up, but 16 year olds saying "This is what I've always wanted to do" on the cowell productions.
Well go to college and do it properly then. Grin

SirChenjin · 18/07/2015 20:59

It said on the radio that it was for 8-12 year olds (which is a bit odd, because there is a massive difference between and 8 and a 12 year old Confused)