to be furious at friend for taking DD to Harry Potter auditions without telling me?

[ArtichokeTagine]

So DD is 8 and obsessed with Harry Potter. Today my friend, her godmother, offered to have her for the day. I was surprised as she has never taken her out alone before but I thought it was a lovely idea. I asked what her plans were and she said she was unsure but they would do something "in town" (we live in London).

DD has just got home having spent the day queuing at the Excel centre for a Harry Potter audition!!! DD is shy and introverted and has never done a day's acting in her life and now she is all excited that she might be the next Emma Watson. I will have to spend days trying to delicately prepare her for the fact that is not going to happen.

Is this not a rather odd thing to do to somebody else's child without consulting the parents? I mean I am really cross but before I speak to me friend I wanted to check whether others would be equally cross. Am I overreacting and should I tell my friend it was an inconsiderate and irresponsible thing to build dreams in an 8 year old and expose them to rejection?

[Bogeyface]

You seem overly angry about the possibility of her actually succeeding and I cant help wondering why.

I dont want my kids to see fame as the goal, I want them to see success as the goal, being good at what you do. Sometimes, depending on your career choice, fame is a side effect of that, but it should never be the goal in itself so I agree with you about that.

However, if she were to get the part then that would mean that she was the best out of those 10,000 girls for the part, and thats not being fame hungry but being successful. If she wants to do it then I dont see why she shouldnt.

I agree that rather than getting all wound up about what might happen on the faintest chance she got it, you need to be praising her for her bravery at overcoming her natural shyness to audition.

She obviously loved it and had a great time, by being so negative you are sucking the joy out of it for her and that is far more damaging than "[building] dreams in an 8 year old and [exposing] them to rejection?"

[LIZS]

I would assume the playing age is around 10. At 13 dd might just have managed that. However the criteria are usually strict and far more specific than those hitherto published thus ensuring the majority of applicants will have wasted a day but maximum publicity.

[MyOneandYoni]

Well, as someone who was AT the audition, it was a v v long and boring and probably pointless day.
All parents (or 'guardians') had to sign a waiver form giving permission and stating tat said child was indeed uk resident etc. This wouldn't be legally binding if you daughter got further in the audition process. Also, phone numbers and addresses had to be given to producers.
So, yes, legally, really overstepping the mark. BUT - did she have a good day and make friends (most the little girl seemed to go of and do cartwheels, whilst their bleary eyed mothers held their place in the queue).
AND THEN, I gt home to find a FB post from a mum of a local child who has done some TV work, stating that she hopes her DD gets a private audition through her agency... I suspected this might happen. They got loads of young girls hyped up to go to a pointless audition as a publicity stunt, and then they will contact all the national child actors and have a nice quiet calm audition process with them...
So - don't know if she is BU. But there you go...

[Bogeyface]

They got loads of young girls hyped up to go to a pointless audition as a publicity stunt, and then they will contact all the national child actors and have a nice quiet calm audition process with them...

Evanna Lynch who plays Luna Lovegood got the part from an open audition so it does happen, I think she is fantastic!

[LIZS]

Oneand onlyyoni, I'd be very surprised if the usual agencies hadn't already been asked to submit possible candidates for auditions.

[downgraded]

I'd be fucking furious.

She got your DD's hopes up for absolutely no reason. If it was my DD she'd be guaranteed to be disappointed as even if she'd got a part she wouldn't have been allowed to do it. So it is cruel and pointless.

Completely unacceptable.

[Bogeyface]

Why would not allow her to do it down? Just out of interest.

[MistressMerryWeather]

Evanna Lynch - Thee most accurate portrayal of a character on screen EVER.

[morethanpotatoprints]

SirChenjin

This is the usual age range for children's parts.
I suppose an 8 year old could look like a twelve year old...
My dd is 11 and is often mistaken and for a 14 year old some people are really shocked when they realise.

[downgraded]

Because getting into that kind of thing is a massive commitment not to be taken lightly. The whole family has to be behind it and from what I hear it isn't something that can be easily fitted into a busy family schedule involving full time working parents, other siblings and commitments.

[MistressMerryWeather]

Even if she had fun and gained some confidence from the experience Down?

[SirChenjin]

I suppose so...my youngest is 8 and although he's tall for his age, he certainly doesn't look 12. 12 year olds are at High School, and the average one looks like they're approaching puberty if they haven't already hit it...Perhaps they didn't have a definite age in mind and were open to something a bit older or a bit younger

[SirChenjin]

down - completely agree with you. Something as major as this requires a massive input and level of support from the entire family, and it's a decision for the parents to make, not the godparent (behind the parents backs)

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

YABU. It sounds like it was an awesome, positive experience for your shy and introverted DD. Well done to her, and I really hope you have told her how proiud yoiu are of her, rather than showing her the sort of negativity you have posted here.

[Bogeyface]

You see I feel that if one of mine was so good that they won a lead part in a major film I would owe it to them to do all I could to let them do it.

Lets face it, if Evanna Lynch's open audition had the same number of attendees plus the private auditions, of which there would have been hundreds, then I would have to let her do it. The achievement of winning the part is incredible and could change her life.

Would you say the same if your DD turned out to be world class in Gymnastics say or Football?

[downgraded]

Yes Mistress, because it was a lie and guaranteed to end in upset.

If it was something the mother had wants, she could have taken her herself. As it was, it was a complete overstepping of the mark and shouldn't have happened, fun or not.

[Silverdaisy]

She enjoyed herself though! Your dd would see the many others queuing up hoping to be picked. I was a shy child, if I went to this and was rejected it wouldn't be as crippling as not being picked for school sports teams. THat was bloody awful.

[downgraded]

Bogeyface how "fair" is it on your other kids if they have to kiss goodbye to their activities and normal family life in sacrifice to the one child who gets to have their dream?

[morethanpotatoprints]

She had her fairy Godmother today, it must have been lovely for them both.
i'd want to know why they felt it necessary to leave me out and make sure it didn't happen again.
Does she want to have some acting lessons or join a drama group? It sounds like she is interested and she may really love it.

[MistressMerryWeather]

Does that really always happen though?

I'm not sure it does. That's a worse case scenario.

[Bogeyface]

Who is to say that they would? I would move heaven and earth for any of my children to take up a once in a lifetime opportunity like this.

And life isnt fair. Sometimes one child gets gifts and talents that the others dont have and excels as a result. Look at Danii and Kylie Minogue, the younger has always been outshone by her sister, but thats life.

My eldest has SN, my third eldest is gifted. Thats not fair either, but that didnt mean that I didnt take DD to a special even aimed at gifted children because it wasnt fair on her brother who had to make the journey with us.

[downgraded]

I've certainly heard about a lot of families where one child does a sport to a high level, and it seems to involve an awful lot of sacrifice from the whole family.

Weekend travel, money spent, waiting about. If there are other children I don't think it's fair.

Either way, it's certainly not the godmother's decision whether to go down that path.

[Bogeyface]

I just dont see that "oh it isnt fair on Y that X got this great opportunity so she isnt going to do it". That wont make anyone feel better, you will just have one very very bitter child who has not been allowed to follow a dream when they have been offered it.

[downgraded]

But Bogey one event is just that, and there'll be other events that the other child wants to go to so it'll come fair in the end.

A part in a major film isn't comparable.