to be furious at friend for taking DD to Harry Potter auditions without telling me?

[ArtichokeTagine]

So DD is 8 and obsessed with Harry Potter. Today my friend, her godmother, offered to have her for the day. I was surprised as she has never taken her out alone before but I thought it was a lovely idea. I asked what her plans were and she said she was unsure but they would do something "in town" (we live in London).

DD has just got home having spent the day queuing at the Excel centre for a Harry Potter audition!!! DD is shy and introverted and has never done a day's acting in her life and now she is all excited that she might be the next Emma Watson. I will have to spend days trying to delicately prepare her for the fact that is not going to happen.

Is this not a rather odd thing to do to somebody else's child without consulting the parents? I mean I am really cross but before I speak to me friend I wanted to check whether others would be equally cross. Am I overreacting and should I tell my friend it was an inconsiderate and irresponsible thing to build dreams in an 8 year old and expose them to rejection?

[LovelyFriend]

I think it is super weird she didn't talk to you about it in advance

[Bogeyface]

You tell that the a Harry Potter fan who has just won the lead role on the last HP film to be made.

And tbh if your child came home and said that they had won the part, I have to find it hard to believe that you really would just say no.

[Bogeyface]

I am sorry but denying a child the chance to a once in a lifetime thing, and lets not forget the life changing money that she would earn from it, because your other child didnt get offered the same chance is far more unfair imo.

[morethanpotatoprints]

We have just come to the end of 3 years of constantly supporting dds aim, goals and dream.
Would I do it again, like a shot, even though I'm knackered.
We have no other dependants as other dc are grown up, am a sahm with dh who is at home a lot.
We couldn't have done this if I was working and dd would have been at school.
What do you do when they want something so badly though. My dd is driven to the extreme, it's quite scary.

[downgraded]

If I had several children who all had competing interests there's no way one child would take precedence.

Same with sport. I'm simply not prepared to ferry one around and pour in the requisite time and money to excel at national level in that sport when the others also have needs.

[downgraded]

The advantage of one child (or large gaps) is more time, energy and money to spend on that child and their interests, in a way that can't happen in larger families.

I couldn't possibly take the time off work to facilitate it anyway. It's a non starter.

[MistressMerryWeather]

I've certainly heard about a lot of families where one child does a sport to a high level, and it seems to involve an awful lot of sacrifice from the whole family

I imagine there would be a certain amount of flexibility required from the whole family, but for siblings having to kiss goodbye to their activities? I think that would be more down to bad planning.

I think we owe our children at least a chance at their dreams. Especially if they are basically handed to you.

[Bogeyface]

So you would deny a child their dream, a chance that will never ever be offered again on the basis that you want to treat them all equally?

If that is their talent and where their future lies then actually you are putting them at a disadvantage to their siblings. If your DD wanted to act and your DS (if you have one) wanted to be a doctor then your DD taking the part wouldnt affect your DS's dreams and they would both have the potential to be very successful.

But by denying her that you would be throwing away the chance to leapfrog the years of slog most actors have to go through, to be well known in her profession and therefore at an advantage over other young actors. And again, your son could still be a doctor.

[downgraded]

I disagree.

I had the opportunity when I was younger to play a sport at a high level, but I needed the family backing to progress.

I have three siblings, including one with severe SN and two parents who hands their hands full.

I understand why it didn't happen. I think that's just life.

I wouldn't stand for hours on a cold touchline day after day on the off chance my child might play for Man U. I just wouldn't.

[LIZS]

But this wasn't a dream until gm fuelled what may not have been even dd's vaguest idea. Maybe it will be the start of a new interest or it may put her off completely.

[LilyMayViolet]

I don't think the exposing her to disappoint is a terrible thing though. Dd's done a lot of auditions locally, got some parts, not got others. It's a good lesson for life. It's the not talking to you about it first that I think is wrong.

In my case this person actually organised lessons for something miles away from our home. It was extremely annoying!

[butterfly133]

OP, are you sure your DD wasn't in on this? I can't see why you would not have been consulted otherwise. I am a godparent and I don't do anything without checking with her parents, it's basic manners. I admit it might be different if she was 18 and trying to audition for something and they were putting her off - but at 8, if I thought the answer would be "no" I would accept that.

What sort of person is godmother - could she have just thought it would be fun and didn't think further than that?

I doubt godmother would have pretended to be a parent but just the adult in charge so to speak.

if your DD does get the chance to go further, please don't stop her. We never run out of chances to do something "usual" and this could be a really interesting experience for her.

I agree with children being raised to be realistic, but every successful person had to realise they might succeed or they might not. "realism" doesn't mean never trying.

[SirChenjin]

Agree with LIZS - it wasn't the OP's DD's 'dream'. If a child desperately wants to do something, and is very good at it, then most parents will encourage that to a point that fits in with the rest of the family.

Even if a child were to land a role like this, it's not as easy as saying that everything should stop to enable that. Parents have to work for far longer than a film role, and most can't simply give up work - unless you're saying to the child that their income from the film is income which must support the family indefinitely?

[StupidBloodyKindle]

Would I be ?
No.
Would I be ?
Hell yeah.

Who wants to drag their godchild to queue for umpteen hours? Sooner her than me. So many questions...

Who told you when they got back and how did they tell you?
If you were fuming how have youkept it together?
What did she actually perform at the audition or did they not have to today?
Who took photos and did she sign your name?
Is DD on fb with your friend and ask her to do this?

Tis done now. I would be glad I hadn't had to queue. 10000? bugger me. But I do wonder if in cahoots, whether friend will acco.pany her to her first tattoo et cetera therefore I would probably have a quiet word in her shell, like.

[morethanpotatoprints]

It has been a lot easier for us because I was already a sahm and others can look after themselves dc1 has left home now.
It was still hard work and took over my life and there were changes for extended family too who also gave time to attend performances.
There is no way on earth I would have denied her the chance and it has paid off for her now. She is so gifted and I wonder at where it comes from how could anybody say no and deny them the chance.

[MistressMerryWeather]

I would wager a large bet that DD asked GM to take her.

[MrsHathaway]

I'm hugely confident that Emma Watson got her part at school - the producers came along and nearly all the children of the right age were seen.

Which is neither an open audition nor a private one, really.

[SirChenjin]

I can see why parents would say no - I really can. It's a massive thing to place on a family when there are siblings at school, both parents work and have jobs that are needed to pay bills and mortgages, you don't have an extended family to help out, etc etc.

[cleanandclothed]

If this is the same audition a friend of mine went to today, the children who didn't make it through to the next round got an 'attendance' certificate (which my friend was really happy with). Presumably your daughter has one of these and knows already she hasn't been chosen? So not really very much 'building up' that you have to deal with the crash from - it has already happened.
Unless of course she is through to the next round - in which case good luck to her!
And if the godmother knew how this would be done (outcome known on the day), then I think it makes the whole thing much less of a big deal.

[BrockAuLit]

I get you OP about working hard to counter celebrity/fame being something to aspire to. And I too would be pissed off if a friend (someone who, if I picked her as a godmother, should know me well enough to know I'm like this) saw fit to put my DD in that very place.

Having said that, I think I'd let it go. Yes you will have to go on a counter offensive, but that's life. Wait till she gets a bit older and the real life stuff starts kicking in.

[AddToBasket]

YABU.

The day was safe and hasn't done your DD any harm at all. I see where you are coming from in that, yes, you should have been told in advance as your friend kept this from you. But I think you are being totally po-faced and OTT about the outcome.

It is a bit of an eccentric thing for your friend to do but you sound so crazy uptight that your friend might just have decided do something that you might overthink. Not really her place but - to be fair to her - you left it open to her as to what to do and she chose this.

Chill out about potential disappointment, etc, and just ask your friend to tell you her plans for your DD in advance.

[nigelslaterfan]

Unbelievable that anyone would do this.

[PatsysPyjamas]

I couldn't stay angry for long. I actually think it's quite lovely that the Godmother wanted to give up an entire Saturday to queue up with your daughter, because she knew your DD loves Harry Potter and presumably thought it would be fun for her. My 8 yr old DD's godparents have no particular relationship with her more than my other friends. They would never take her out by herself. I'm a bit jealous! I might feel differently if she was actually offered the part, which I wouldn't really want my child to take either, but we all know that's pretty unlikely.

[teeththief]

My DD is a fantastic actress (well known locally and has been in a few videos etc). We went to the auditions today. DD took one look at the ridiculous queue and decided she would rather go sightseeing. We had a great day out rather than spending 7 hours in a queue for something that we know some girls have already auditioned for a couple of weeks ago.

I'd be pissed off if someone had wasted a day out in a queue for something like that OP

[teeththief]

Oh and they were told at the audition if they were one of the fictional 100 called back so your DD should already know she's not got a chance