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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious at friend for taking DD to Harry Potter auditions without telling me?

164 replies

ArtichokeTagine · 18/07/2015 19:51

So DD is 8 and obsessed with Harry Potter. Today my friend, her godmother, offered to have her for the day. I was surprised as she has never taken her out alone before but I thought it was a lovely idea. I asked what her plans were and she said she was unsure but they would do something "in town" (we live in London).

DD has just got home having spent the day queuing at the Excel centre for a Harry Potter audition!!! DD is shy and introverted and has never done a day's acting in her life and now she is all excited that she might be the next Emma Watson. I will have to spend days trying to delicately prepare her for the fact that is not going to happen.

Is this not a rather odd thing to do to somebody else's child without consulting the parents? I mean I am really cross but before I speak to me friend I wanted to check whether others would be equally cross. Am I overreacting and should I tell my friend it was an inconsiderate and irresponsible thing to build dreams in an 8 year old and expose them to rejection?

OP posts:
Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 18/07/2015 23:07

Interesting that they were told outcomes today! Dd def not through then but she has no idea I don't think. I asked if they told people today and she just shrugged. As I haven't seen my friend I know nothing about the process or what she signed (I was out when she dropped DD off). So DD would clearly know if she's got through? Are we sure? If so I can make that clear in the morning.

OP posts:
teeththief · 18/07/2015 23:14

As far as I know, they were all given a certificate but only a certain few (100) were told to go back on another day for further auditions.

Rivercam · 18/07/2015 23:17

I'm sure if she got a certificate, she would have shown you ( unless they had run out), so may be Miss artichoke got through to the next round, and is waiting for further details to arrive in the post... Can I have her autograph please?

Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 18/07/2015 23:28

Ha ha Rivercam. I highly doubt that! I love her dearly and she has many talents and gorgeous qualities but I'm 100% sure that film stardom ain't one of them.

OP posts:
MitzyLeFrouf · 19/07/2015 05:49

I'd be momentarily outraged and then realise it was a well intentioned, fun day out. Will be a lovely memory for both of them.

cloudsandrain · 19/07/2015 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fallout4 · 19/07/2015 08:08

It really wouldn't bother me. No harm has come to her she hasn't been abused or done anything illegal.
Who knows this may actually help with her confidence and perhaps she will come out of herself more. Did she enjoy it? Perhaps if she did you could encourage her to try a drama club.
I wish people would see the positives instead of always looking at the negatives.
If your friend had asked you I bet you would have said no, actually you clearly would have said no so I can see why your friend didn't ask. Shame.

Hexadecimal1 · 19/07/2015 08:35

I'm going against the grain and saying I think it was fine. It was a lovely day out for them both, your daughter was excited and clearly had a lovely time

Your second post about fame etc comes across a bit oddly, hopefully it's just the choice of wording

Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 19/07/2015 08:36

Oh do bugger off with your judgemental and uninformed comments that suggest I don't know DD, that I've been negative when talking to her about this and that she lacks opportunities to do fun things. How on earth have a few of youjumped to such conclusions based on the info in this thread?

DD has every opportunity to explore extra curricula interests. She adores gymnastics and swimming and cricket and I make lots of effort to get her to regular clubs for all three. She could do drama but has never shown interest. If she becomes interested in drama itself I would love to indulge that but her current excitement is about fame and fortune not theatre studies.

I was nothing but positive in discussing yesterday's events with her and of course I congratulated her on her bravery. Then I sat with her and watched HP movies and shared a tub of ice cream. Poor DD. the negativity must have been overwhelming.

OP posts:
Queenbean · 19/07/2015 08:40

OP, here alone is why people have said that you're negative:

And what if DD had actually got it? I'd have been stuck between exposing her to a world of paparazzi and terms off school OR being the meanest mum every by vetoing the part.

Not "I would be so proud of my daughter for her talent" or "it would mean that she has an amazing once in a lifetime opportunity" but you're talking about how it would affect you only. Negative and selfish. No wonder they didn't tell you they were going.

Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 19/07/2015 08:42

I'm was not focusing on me I was talking about exposing her to a world of paparazzi and pressure and risks to her education. In my judgement fame is a huge and dangerous pressure for a child.

OP posts:
Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 19/07/2015 08:44

And DD didn't know she was going so she didn't "not tell me". Those who have suggested she knew but did not tell me are totally, totally wrong. DD is the most honest and straightforward child going and her long story about GM telling her about the auditions was not made up.

OP posts:
Original poster
ArtichokeTagine · 19/07/2015 08:46

Anyway, I'm leaving the thread as I'm getting cross with a small minority of comments. I have taken on board that some people would not be cross and I do appreciate knowing that. Thank you for all your feedback :-)

OP posts:
SrAssumpta · 19/07/2015 09:00

Oh my goodness you're coming across like such a misery!

Queenbean · 19/07/2015 09:06

And she's gone! Flounced within a few pages!

SirChenjin · 19/07/2015 09:19

WTF?? The OP is not a misery - and I'm not surprised she's had enough of silly comments like that. Flounced? Nope - I would imagine that she's sick of strangers telling her what her DD is actually thinking, in true MN form. It's most bizarre.

Aridane · 19/07/2015 09:31

Going against the grain - but godmother sounds lovely. As another Poster says : I actually think it's quite lovely that the Godmother wanted to give up an entire Saturday to queue up with your daughter, because she knew your DD loves Harry Potter and presumably thought it would be fun for her

SirChenjin · 19/07/2015 09:35

You still really need to check with the parents though - for the reasons given by the OP and PPs. Esp. when the child is as young as 8.

RachelRagged · 19/07/2015 09:49

You never know OP , , stranger things have happened, but you are right, I doubt your DD will get far .

YANBU , Aside from the fact your DD won't get a part (is it a theatre play?) what a waste of time being in a queue for so long.

butterfly133 · 19/07/2015 10:39

I was seeing your point of view, OP, but this flounce - and your comment about how you doubt your daughter is an undiscovered talent - tell me an awful lot more about you.

Godmother probably did the right thing in taking her, then. It's not just "standing in a queue" - she will have had the chance to meet other fans and had the experience of auditioning, which is good in itself.

SirChenjin · 19/07/2015 10:53

There is no 'flounce' - and it actually says more about the people who claim that than the OP. I would imagine thst the OP has simply had enough of strangers telling her what her 8 year old daughter really thought - despite having no factual basis. What's she supposed to do - hang around forever and repeat herself ad infinitum, while those people continue to claim she's wrong? Hmm

butterfly133 · 19/07/2015 11:13

SirChenjin, poster posted in AIBU asking for opinions
you put stuff out in a public forum, there will be ideas/speculation/comments
no one had a hugely strong opinion or couched it in offensive terms

I do think there is a distinct lack of realism in assuming we know our children 100% and also I was concerned about the poster seemingly unable to differentiate between pointless fame and someone being famous for a skill

it looks like a flounce. I'm not suggesting flounces be illegal Grin just observing that's how it comes across. And for the first worry to be about a child missing school if she was in a film....plenty of actors managing interesting careers and still do all the school stuff.

fuzzywuzzy · 19/07/2015 11:20

Sounds like it was an audition for the Harry Potter prequel film(s).

I hope you're DD doesn't end up with her heart set on getting the part.

I'd chalk it up to friend being flaky and tell her in future you want to know if she's doing something like this with your DD.

SirChenjin · 19/07/2015 11:23

I disagree - most of us know our children extremely well, and we certainly know them better than strangers on an internet forum.

A couple of PPs have already explained what it's like to have children going through the audition process and how difficult it can be for parents - for the Godparent to unilaterally decide to take an 8 year old (who has never shown the slightest bit of interest in drama) to an audition attended by thousands of children, whilst having no idea whether the parents and family of that child would be able to support a successful audition suggests that the Godparent really hasn't got a clue about appropriate behaviour - esp. as she would have had to sign papers pretending to be that child's parent. Claiming, for example, that the OP's house must be very boring is just plain silly.

It might have come across as a flounce to you - but I think that word suggests that you're trying to demean and belittle someone who has simply had enough of repeating herself to people who have very fixed opinions about something and someone they have absolutely no factual knowledge of.

MissDuke · 19/07/2015 11:28

teeththief Sounds like you had a fantastic day and your dd sounds just lovely Flowers

Op, I can see why you were so annoyed at your friend and also at this thread. It sounds like you had fun with dd after and you both sound lovely to me. Hopefully your dd enjoyed the day and now you can move on. Maybe just let your friend know that you would rather be privvy to her plans next time - what a strange thing she did by not telling you Confused