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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

470 replies

Deeperdown · 18/07/2015 09:06

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

OP posts:
CamelHump · 19/07/2015 13:27

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CamelHump · 19/07/2015 13:28

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TheFutureMrsB · 19/07/2015 13:29

If she's spoiling the holiday for everyone else I would be telling her parents that they need to either come and collect her now or get someone to do it.

It doesn't seem like they just decided to go away without her, but surely with them having their own holiday home they would know what she is like Confused

If she isn't going home then the only thing you can do is be tough on her, when she asks to do something just say no. If she asks why say you don't like it, it probably won't work though coz these kids are really stubborn these days Wink

Just ask her outright "do you want to go home?" If she says yes then the parents will have no choice, if she says no then tell her to start enjoying the holiday as she's making everyone else miserable too.

Thanks
clam · 19/07/2015 13:32

Whilst I can understand your attempts to smooth things over with this child, I think the time has come to stop tiptoeing round her and lay it on the line that she sorts out her attitude or you will be asking her mum to collect her.

Who's in charge here?

BlueBananas · 19/07/2015 13:33

Surely the mother has someone else that can come & get her, what if there was an emergency?
Call the mother tell her what you've told us here - that she is ruining everybody's holiday including your sick mothers and if she doesn't make arrangements for someone to collect her then you'll be using that £300 to put her on a train
She is not your responsibility and sounds like an insufferable brat! Get rid and enjoy your holiday!

CamelHump · 19/07/2015 13:37

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwinkieTwinkle · 19/07/2015 13:39

She will be so embarrassed by her behaviour when she is older. Seriously, just tell her to stop acting whiny, she can either take part in the activities or sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else having fun.

I had a friend come away with me on holiday when I was your daughters age. She was a nightmare! Sulking, complaining, being rude etc. It was horrible. It ended our friendship. She contacted me earlier this year via Facebook to apologise for her behaviour all those years ago. She was so embarrassed and ashamed of her behaviour and being a parent now made her realise. She also said to apologise to my parents who tried so hard with her. She said that she hadn't deserved their kindness and they should have given her a kick up the backside at the time.

I recommend her advice. Boot up the backside.

mygrandchildrenrock · 19/07/2015 13:47

I'm taking my 14 yr old DDs friend away to Spain in August. I am now getting very worried, we're too far away for anyone to come and get her! (Not that I think she would behave like the girl here)

maybebabybee · 19/07/2015 13:49

You're going to have to lay down the law here a bit OP. Just do exactly what you would do if it was your own DP behaving like this.

sheswallowedafly · 19/07/2015 13:49

How is your DD reacting to this, OP?

Original poster
Deeperdown · 19/07/2015 14:04

yesterday afternoon dd who has Sen was crying. Last night I made it clear she wasn't ruining my dds holiday and if she didn't want to do the alternative she could damn well sit and be bored!

OP posts:
LavenderLeigh · 19/07/2015 14:26

She is effectively bullying your whole family with her behaviour.
Why are you putting up with it?
Get her mother to come and remove her.

FenellaFellorick · 19/07/2015 14:46

have you made her mum get on the phone and read her the riot act?

Having read your update and learning that her mum has gone on holiday herself, I would say that while you can say come get her, (and truth is her mum should bloody come and get her if she had anything halfway decent about her!) if her mum is on holiday the reality is you have bob hope of getting her mum to collect her so all you can realistically do is damage limitation. (unless you have a way of taking the little bugger to her mum!) do you think the mum is actually going to come and get her? Doubt it. You'll get fobbed off. You could try saying you have to come and get her right now or I'm handing her into the local social services dept Grin but seriously - do you think her mum is going to get her? I think she'll be full of excuses.

I think if her mum is giving you the runaround, you should concentrate on making sure your daughter has fun and trying to minimise the impact of this kid.

And - if she wants to waste all her spending money in the arcade - let her. It's her money and her problem. Don't waste your time trying to police that. Let her crack on with it and you enjoy doing your thing. Don't give her the power to ruin your holiday with her tantrums.

btw - bloody nerve of you'll have to have her until 6pm on the day you're back! I think you need to say erm no, I don't HAVE to have her. You HAVE to make arrangements, unless you are actually asking me to do you a further favour.

Metacentric · 19/07/2015 14:46

Will the three hundred quid buy a ticket to where the mother is?

CamelHump · 19/07/2015 14:52

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Florriesma · 19/07/2015 14:59

What's the aunts phone number? I'd land her back on her. Fast. No way should any child be allowed to rule a holiday. In fact it would be worth a day of travel just to get her gone by the sounds of it. At least you'd have another 3 or 4 days where you could enjoy yourselves.
it's a very difficult situation for you op.

sashh · 19/07/2015 15:15

I'd tell her she can be miserable all she wants but she has no right to ruin everyone else's holiday.

Tell her she can only have some spending money after she has behaved for a day, and then only on a day by day basis and that you might have to use it to send her home / to her mum.

Is your dm well enough to do activities with your dds?

Give bratfeatures one chance, "we are doing X today, join or not" if she chooses not send your mum and dds off then sit her in the caravan, get yourself a book or watch TV but with either headphones or subtitles on, or listen to music (on headphones) and make her just sit there. If she thinks things are boring then make them bloody boring.

Does the site have a baby sitting service? Or is there an older teenager wanting some pocket money from babysitting? If there is use them and just leave her to be bored.

zipzap · 19/07/2015 15:37

How convenient for the mum when you rang up to say about the problems that it was just too far for her to come and get her dd - knowing she'd be off on her own holidays and so wouldn't be able to come today or for the rest of the holidays. Hmm

Sounds like she didn't want to be bothered so she could have a relaxing holiday without her...

Can you ring the mum up again and say that whatever she said to her dd hasn't worked, and that she needs to either come and get her or tell you which station she is closest to (or another relative of her choice) and you'll put her on the train. I'd also have no compunction in telling her that she is ruining your holiday, your dd's holiday and most importantly your dmum's holiday which isn't on given the health scares she's had in the last couple of months - really rub it in and if she doesnt like it then tough - she should have brought her dd up better.

So hope you manage to either get the dd to behave and/or get rid of her so you can really enjoy the rest of the holiday and actually enjoy it.

Marynary · 19/07/2015 15:42

I think that many people on this thread are being ridiculous. Yes, the child is being rude and needs to be told off but it is outrageous to suggest that she should just be put on a train and "sent home".
She is a child and this week the OP is responsible for her. She can't just dump her on a train because she is feeling irritated by her unless her parents agree to it.

fuzzpig · 19/07/2015 15:47

Oh dear, what an awkward situation. Horrible for your DD. Unless you could get her to where the rest of the family is, you just have to put up with it though.

My DD was upset last night as her friend asked to go home instead of sleeping over as planned. Because her tablet had run out of battery Hmm :o

YouTheCat · 19/07/2015 15:51

She can though. And I think she should. She's 12, not 6.

She's not just 'feeling irritated'. This girl is spoiling the OP's family holiday for everyone.

Is the demon child's mother's holiday home in the UK?

FurtherSupport · 19/07/2015 15:51

Op wasn't there any hint that the girl might behave like this before you decided to take her away? I have occasionally thought about taking a friend for DS2, who doesn't have a playmate now Ds1 thinks he's all grown up, but have decided against because of having to put up with other people's kids for a week! This is making me think I'm probably right!

Marynary · 19/07/2015 16:07

She can though. And I think she should. She's 12, not 6.

Many 12 year olds have never been on a train before. She is a child and OP is responsible for her as she invited her on the holiday and agreed to look after her. If she just dumps her on a train (or anywhere else) without the parents permission she will be held responsible if anything goes wrong.

BabyGanoush · 19/07/2015 16:09

Get her mum to pick her up!

FurtherSupport · 19/07/2015 16:10

Really YouTheCat? You'd put someone else's child on a train without any concerns?

There's no reason a 12yo who's been properly prepared for it shouldn't be able to cope, but you can't just be dumping other people's children on trains, even if their parents do appear to have dumped them on you!