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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

470 replies

Deeperdown · 18/07/2015 09:06

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

OP posts:
LavenderLeigh · 19/07/2015 16:13

If her mother does not agree to it, then she can come and get her. Her choice.
It is ridiculous to suggest that OP should have to put up with this 12 year old who is old enough to know better and old enough to sit on a train. She's been given choices but is choosing to behave like a bully.
This is not OPs problem. It's up to the bratty 12 year old and her absent parent to deal with. Of course she should be sent home and it's up to her parent to organise this.
She's 12. Secondary school age. Not a little child. More than old enough to know what she is doing.

LavenderLeigh · 19/07/2015 16:16

There is also no reason why OP and her family should be held hostage by this 12 year olds behaviour. It is up to her mother to sort out how she gets home. But she cannot just shrug her shoulders and leave her making three people miserable. This is their one holiday of the year. The brat and her absent parent have a holiday home and seem incapable of personal responsibility or empathy.

FurtherSupport · 19/07/2015 16:16

I don't disagree Lavender - I'd be furious with the mother, but I still couldn't just put her on a train, especially as there's no-one there at the other end.

LavenderLeigh · 19/07/2015 16:19

So would you take her to social seri vices then?

Or just tell the mother to get her act together and come get her daughter or meet her at the station?

Nobody has suggested sending her on the train with nobody to meet her. It is her mothers responsibility to make the arrangements, not OP. The mother can rearrange her holiday and meet her bratty child.

FurtherSupport · 19/07/2015 16:21

Well yes obviously that's what should happen, but mother isn't doing that ATM. I don't know what I'd do - I've always been too scared to risk taking another DC with us!

YouTheCat · 19/07/2015 16:21

I wouldn't just dump her on a train. But I'd tell the mother she was going to be on this train, getting in at this time and then she is her mother's responsibility. If the 12 year old has a problem with this arrangement she has the option to temper her behaviour and stop being a cow.

Why should the OP and her family, including her ill mother, have to endure such brattish behaviour from a 12 year old?

Marynary · 19/07/2015 16:27

This is not OPs problem. It's up to the bratty 12 year old and her absent parent to deal with. Of course she should be sent home and it's up to her parent to organise this.

It is OPs problem because she invited a child on holiday with her. She can't just dump her somewhere now because she is fed up with her moaning. Obviously she can tell the mother to come and get her but she will have to wait until she gets there which may not be immediately if she is also on holiday some distance away.

OrangePeels · 19/07/2015 16:27

I'm sorry you are having your holiday ruined. I'd be furious!

Some of my best holidays were going away with my friend at around that age! We didn't have anything planned for us just simply spent whole days roller skating and hanging about in the park! I would never have dared complain about anything!

Marynary · 19/07/2015 16:31

I wouldn't just dump her on a train. But I'd tell the mother she was going to be on this train, getting in at this time and then she is her mother's responsibility. If the 12 year old has a problem with this arrangement she has the option to temper her behaviour and stop being a cow.

That would be dumping her if the mother didn't agree to it. What if the mother get to the train and the daughter isn't there? Do you seriously think the OP wouldn't not be held responsible in that situation?

YouTheCat · 19/07/2015 16:33

The OP is being played for a fool by this mother.

Any decent person would have been and collected the child at the first hint of trouble. The mother knows what her child is like, otherwise why go on holiday without her?

Marynary · 19/07/2015 16:38

The OP is being played for a fool by this mother.

Did the mother force her child on OP then? I thought OP invited her. OP has said the child does normally go on holiday with her mother.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/07/2015 16:44

I'd use her £300 to hire a child minder to sit in the caravan with her whilst you and your family proceed as planned.

Since you are (apparently) in a place with planned family activities, I'd ask the facility management if they have a list of approved CMs.

YouTheCat · 19/07/2015 16:47

The OP had no idea she was planning to go away until the day before they left.

On hearing of her dd's behaviour, she didn't do the decent thing and come and get her, she fobbed her off and then said she'd have to have her until 6pm on the day they get back because the badly behaved child's mother is still away. That is shitty.

textfan · 19/07/2015 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

textfan · 19/07/2015 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flisspaps · 19/07/2015 16:53

That's not quite how childminders work AcrossThePond Hmm

You're thinking of a babysitter. Different kettle of fish.

Original poster
Deeperdown · 19/07/2015 17:01

dd has only known the child since September so not a long time but certainly no signs they were going to be THIS bad!

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 19/07/2015 17:05

How has this afternoons behaviour been?

FeelingSmurfy · 19/07/2015 17:05

Would that £300 help towards a weekend away for your mum...

Seriously, the mum can obviously afford to lose that amount so I would say either she sorts a way to pick her daughter up or you use the money to replace the holiday that she has wrecked!

Janeymoo50 · 19/07/2015 17:06

Phone a nanny agency for a one day nanny to accompany her to the nearest collection spot to her mum. Take the nanny fee out of the £300 or Bill it to the mum.

LavenderLeigh · 19/07/2015 17:11

OP does not need the mothers agreement.
She needs the mother to start acting like a parent.
The girl is not OPs responsibility. All she needs to do is to tell the absent mother she is no longer able to take responsibility for her daughter. It's her parents choice as to what then happens.

ClaireFraser · 19/07/2015 17:11

I bet £300 would cover the cost of a taxi back to her aunts house...

I know what I'd be doing! Precocious little madam!

ApocalypseNowt · 19/07/2015 17:16

I'd bury her £300 somewhere on the campsite and give her a spade. That'd give her something to do.

AnitaManeater · 19/07/2015 17:25

reminds me of one of DS1s friends. Final straw for me was when we took him a safari park and DP had to jump in the back of the car and physically restrain him from winding down the windows in the lion enclosure. The mum just laughed when we told her. Never took him anywhere ever again, not even over for tea.

Marynary · 19/07/2015 17:39

OP does not need the mothers agreement.

Really? You think that is you offer to look after a 12 year old for a week you can just dump them somewhere if they start getting on your nerves seriously? Obviously she should ask the mother to come and get her but in the meantime she will have to wait for the mother to arrive.