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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

470 replies

Deeperdown · 18/07/2015 09:06

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

OP posts:
Chipshopninja · 23/07/2015 08:03

OP what excuses did the mother make for her child's behaviour?

Hope you have a good day today

Branleuse · 23/07/2015 08:08

well from her point of view, she didnt tell or make her daughter behave like that, so shes probably just as pissed off as you are , but I imagine neither of you will be friends now, and probably the children will never speak to each other again, so there was no point in her being apologetic and contrite.

WankerDeAsalWipe · 23/07/2015 08:14

Or maybe that's just the way that family rock? Maybe she generally behaves like that so they don't think there is anything wrong and wonder what you are going on about? You see families like that where they seem to spend all their time shouting over each other and arguing and whoever is the most bolshie wins but they still all seem to have a genuine love going on, that's just the way they are.

It would totally do my head in though and I would treat it as bad behavior too.

WankerDeAsalWipe · 23/07/2015 08:19

There is generally a bit more of a competitiveness in larger families and I am sure the girl usually has her older siblings shouting her down etc. whereas you are used to one child who in the main probably just does what is expected of her. My eldest is borderline aspergers and is overly compliant, his younger brother isn't - whilst he is very well behaved, there is a total difference in the resistance to doing things he doesn't want to etc which is natural but does come as more of a shock after DS1

Original poster
Deeperdown · 23/07/2015 09:21

I think Mum IS away. The other children arent. She's gone without any of the children.

OP posts:
HopefulHamster · 23/07/2015 09:23

Have a good couple of days. In the nicest possible way, get your mum to stop wallowing. She sounds a bit like me - I can do a good line of 'but I wanted it to be nice and now everything is ruined forever' but it's not a good way to live!

SuperFlyHigh · 23/07/2015 09:35

Gobbolino I get that sorrow comes across better. sorry for being an idiot yesterday had headache and period. contrite

sadwidow I can't see anywhere where OP has been rude or had outbursts to people here... she has vented but no more so than usual and in fact has shown remarkable constraint in not losing in not only here but on holiday!

I feel sorry for the aunt to be honest - she's got plonked in the middle and the mum who should know better hasn't behaved in the usual apologetic way. Maybe she's embarrassed about this.

I think I'd just draw a line under this and move on.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 23/07/2015 09:37

super - Cake BrewWine.

AIBU and periods do not mix Grin

SuperFlyHigh · 23/07/2015 09:40

Hissy either the mum and the daughter behave the same way (and see nothing wrong in it) or mum knows DD is a PITA and can't handle her.

branleuseI don't think OP and the mum were ever friends if anything acquaintances. Maybe therein lies the problem not knowing enough about someone before you offer a favour.

My best friend who came with us on holidays when I was young her DM worked very hard and was a bit 'wild' and slightly neglectful through no fault of her own really (had a long running affair with man we later found out was BF's DF) but the DM was always grateful to my DM for the holidays and childcare and offered payment for food to my own DM who treated my best friend as her own DD.

SuperFlyHigh · 23/07/2015 09:41

Gobbolino - you are very right! thanks! Smile

I had always stupidly thought that PMT/moods disappeared when periods came I now know that this is totally a LIE! sorry again! Smile

Mygardenistoobig · 23/07/2015 09:44

Just as an aside the signal is terrible where I live.

People cannot hear me when I am on the phone.

Often I will get a message telling me I have a missed call and my phone has been by my side the entire time. I can text people though but not make calls.

I would never take someone else's child on holiday.

Everyone has there own way of doing things and this truly emphasises the point.

I'm not making excuses for the child but don't do it again op!

SuperFlyHigh · 23/07/2015 10:03

Mygarden

you should only take a child on holiday if you know them well in my opinion. My BF I'd known since 5, she was about 10 when we took her on holiday first. My mum knew her and her DM very well lots of sleepovers so knew there was no chance of misbehaviour.

My DB's BF he knew from 8 - he came with us at about 9 years of old, 3rd youngest in family of 4 boys with stepfather, used to going on camping/hiking holidays and used to 'mucking in'.

There was the time though my BF was 10 and we went to Ireland - my BF was on a beach in Ireland - ran down a jetty and slipped through a slat and the bone of the knee was sticking through! My DM had heard horror stories about expensive Irish doctors (we weren't insured) and just manipulated knee bone back on beach with wet towel. Child was ok for the next 2 weeks but bone was broken when we got home to UK. Child's mum didn't make a fuss or say anything as it was an accident.

Chipshopninja · 23/07/2015 10:23

^ConfusedShockShock

The leg was broken with bone sticking out, no medical advice sought for 2 weeks and this kids mum was ok with that??!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/07/2015 10:27

Super
My DM had heard horror stories about expensive Irish doctors (we weren't insured) and just manipulated knee bone back on beach with wet towel. Child was ok for the next 2 weeks but bone was broken when we got home to UK. Child's mum didn't make a fuss or say anything as it was an accident.

A compound fracture and your mum pushed it back in, really? Hmm,

SuperFlyHigh · 23/07/2015 10:34

StillStaying - yes really... don't ask why... she checked with the girl after this had been done and there was no pain so she didn't think to get it checked out.

Hellion7433 · 23/07/2015 10:35

You weren't feisty OP.

SuperFlyHigh · 23/07/2015 10:36

Chipshop - yes as basically the child had had a broken arm s year before and been ok.

My mother did ask the child if she was ok, child said yes.

Actually the sister of my step-uncle (who was a nurse) checked it over briefly and said it 'didn't need treatment'.

Even when the child was back in the UK there was no cast or noticeable treatment as far as I know but I am not a doctor!

Penfold007 · 23/07/2015 10:41

Super I'm a great believer in travel insurance but if you are in Ireland on holiday you don't even need and EHIC card to get treatment.
I'm really struggling with your mother treating a compound fracture on the beach with a wet towel and the child then walking on a broken limb for two weeks. The original incident may have been an accident but I would have been furious at the subsequent neglect.

2rebecca · 23/07/2015 10:46

Sounds like a hard week, although it sounds as though your mum contributed to the stress by refusing to leave the site. Maybe leaving mum at the site and taking the girls off site to do something different would have defused things.
People manage Pontins/Butlins type holidays with different age kids though so them being different ages mentally shouldn't have mattered although maybe your daughter not being willing to do things alone so the girls split up on site means things are more restrictive than she expected.
When we went to Butlins I used to go off and do different things to my younger sibs although letting someone else's stroppy 12 year old daughter out of your sight is harder than your own child, especially if they were brought along as a "friend".

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 23/07/2015 10:46

Your mum pushed a bone back under the skin , clearly broken and the child wasn't screaming in pain or in shock and could walk on it?

This is derailing OP's thread I know but I'm having trouble getting my head around this.

chocolatechip123 · 23/07/2015 10:56

I was considering asking DS if he wants to bring a pal along next holiday.

I don't think I'll brother now...

2rebecca · 23/07/2015 11:05

I think friends are hard work as you can't discipline them the way you can your own children and don't have that loving bond with them. At least if they are older 15/16 they can do their own thing more. 12 is a difficult age and it doesn't sound as though the girls were that close and had only been friends for a while.
Older people can be intolerant of poorly behaved kids as well and granny grumbling all the time about her ruined holiday won't have helped.

SuperFlyHigh · 23/07/2015 11:08

Penfold this was back in the 1980s... my stepfather was worrying my mother re tales of doctors... My mother was totally honest with the other mother on return from holiday, I have no idea whether bone was broken etc but the other mother took her DD to hospital and got treatment. We had seen a nurse albeit who was a sort of relative.

Still - my mother doesn't know if the bone was broken, no the child was not screaming in pain... and could walk. My mother asked the child several times, are you ok? will you be ok. checked for swelling and a nurse (relative) took a brief look and said 'it looks ok'.

I am not a medical person! Basically Irish doctors are or according to my stepfather were rarely called out especially back then, due to expense and fear of the doctor.

Metacentric · 23/07/2015 11:09

I was considering asking DS if he wants to bring a pal along next holiday.

I think it can work, but it relies on the parents being on the same page about behaviour, attitudes and food, and there being a clear agreement that the host parents are in loco parentis. Unfortunately, the "thou shalt not discipline other people's children" meme means that's unlikely.

SuperFlyHigh · 23/07/2015 11:09

Still - also it was not 'clearly broken' - I am going on me as a 10 year old, that memory.

My mother realises now, hospital would have been better.

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