Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

[Deeperdown]

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

Am glad you spoke to the mum, I would be mortified if this was my child. If she doesn't sort her attitude out tell her mum she'll have to find a way to collect as she is ruining a holiday YOU paid for

TBH any child that is sent with £300 spending money is clearly over indulged

if her DM won't come and get her, then put her on a train. She's 12, after all.
No need for you to take her home yourself and waste more time of your holiday.

It's late in the day now.
But first thing the parents would be told they either come and get her, or she is going on the train/coach alone.
However her behavior will no longer be tolerated and the holiday ruined for everyone else.

Lavendar a child under age 14yrs old cannot travel alone on long-distance public transport (where only a child ticket is bought one way from A to B). I agree with your suggestion but it isn't a practical option.

Okay, you have done the "I understand you feel sad and bored". Friend's Mum seems to think it is YOUR problem.

Plan B:

Sit down with both girls tomorrow and praise your DD for joining in and looking after her friend. Then TELL DD's friend that you are disappointed/sad that she has not joined in so far and has found everything boring. So..... she can choose what you do today and then tomorrow DD will choose.

(Make sure your options are only things that you are happy to do with the girls - and keep arcades off the list)

Perhaps DD's friend would like to buy a garden game e.g. Swingball, croquet, skittles from her £300 spending money. Alternatively, she may like to buy a beach game e.g. frizbee, beach ball, kites

Once the shopping trip is done - then it can be 'her game'

I know it sounds like I am suggesting over-indulgence, but I am truly trying to suggest ways for you and your family to get out of this mess.

Perhaps DD's friend hasn't been taught how to play. It doesn't come naturally to children. It takes a great Mum/Dad, child-minder, nanny or grandparent to teach children how to play and socialise.

My final bit of advice is to find the strong voice within yourself. Do NOT negotiate with a child who is not responding to holiday opportunities. She will rule the roost! So, how would you deal with DD if she was acting up? You are loca parentis so use your strong parent voice to say, "We don't behave like that in this family. I expect you to ...." (or something similar).

I am rooting for you OP. You offered a kindness thinking that your DD would get more pleasure by having a friend with her. It's gone a bit pear-shaped, but it is resolvable.

Under 12's cannot travel alone.

A lot of secondary school aged children travel alone. There is no rule that they cannot. Having said that if her mum is displeased she should arrange to collect her.

Would you really put someone's else's 12 year old child on the train on her own!! (Gobsmacked!) What has the mum said, I hope she's not unhappy with you!

If the parents didn't want to come and collect, why not?
The options would be very clear. Either come and get your child, or wait at the station to collect at
Your end. We are not prepared to let her spoil anymore of this holiday.

I couldn't give a shit how unhappy the parents are. They need to deal with their child who is also making everyone else have a crappy time.

Yes, children under 14 can travel alone on trains. Local and long distance.
DD went to Aberdeen by herself at 11. She was put on train at one station and met at the other.
if the mother won't pick up the child and the child doesn't want to stay, what else could be done? OP and her family can't be expected to all pile into the car to do a long round trip. And the mother might be fine with it.
She's 12 after all. Sitting on a train for a couple of hours isn't any different to sitting on a bus. Which thousands of children do by themselves.

Just checked and Virgin East Coast have no policy about age of child travelling alone and leave it up to parents.

If she has to change trains, buy her a separate ticket to and from the change point (even with today's train ticket prices, this won't be £300!). Tell her DM she can collect her at change point, or come all the way, or if she trusts her, wait for her to arrive home. Her choice.

If she doesn't have to change, maybe pick a half way point?

Under 14s can't travel on trains alone? Tell that to all of us who have travelled to school by train from age 11 onwards... and that's not the Good Ole Days, my siblings are still doing it every day now

Sorry your holiday is being ruined by this madam. Sounds horrible :(

THIS is why kids need to be allowed to get bored; DP's cousins aged 12 and 8 are like this, because they're so used to instant gratification entertainment like TV and the Wii, if you take them to somewhere where they need to make their own fun, eg adventure playground, woods, they declare that they're bored.

Can't you just tell her she's going? She's 12, surely if you tell her you're going to the disco (or wherever) she just has to go - up to her whether she enjoys it or not.

DS1 is 14yo and has been bored all day, since I made him turn the Xbox off because he'd had long enough by 11am. I went to play French cricket with DS2 this afternoon and told DS1 he had to join in. He declared it boring but joined in anyway and was roaring with laughter within a few minutes.

But yes, if she really can't behave, call mum again and tell her either she collects or you're putting her on the train. There aren't any restrictions on children travelling alone and ultimately it will be mum's choice.

I may be out of touch with new regs now, but my DN wasn't allowed to travel alone long-distance on a coach or train in 2006 under age 14yrs. He had to take his birth certificate to book his ticket. He also had to be accompanied by a parent at the booking office when buying his ticket.

There was one stop at Leeds and we did lose him once when he went to the shop that sold cheese scones. He sat on a bench and savoured every mouthful. Unfortunately, the coach left without him!

I think my car sprouted wings that night when I had to drive up the M62 to collect DN from Leeds bus station.

Surely a 12 year old can take a train alone assuming the route is direct? My DS is 12 and old enough to travel alone on some airlines!

I'd give her an ultimatum - behave or get sent home.

DD also travelled in 2006 alone and she was 11. There were no issues about this at all. We bought a ticket, she got on train and got off in Aberdeen. I posted above that I'd checked out the Virgin East Coast regulations which state they have no age limit for children and leave it up to parents.

Interested why a few feel a 12 year old cannot sit in a train seat if they are put on train and met at other end? Would they feel the same about a bus going over exactly the same route? a secondary school pupil should be able to make simple journeys under their own steam.

Agree with fenella, do just that, if it doesn't work. Tell her parents to come and get her, pronto, as it hasn't worked out and she's ruining everyones holiday.

Any update OP?

What a little shit precocious and spoilt madame.

I'd either want her collected or I would tell her mother I would be sending her home by bus or train.

This is clearly an over-indulged brat. £300 spending money!!! Far too much. My DD3 went on a school trip abroad for a few days with £50. It was plenty.

Use the £300 to pay her train fare home. Give her the change to give back to her mother at the other end.

You've tried the softly softly approach and spoken to her.

I'd go for the 'I'm putting you on a train in the morning' approach now and see if she bucks her ideas up.

afternoon was better, my Mum told them to go to the park. They did.

My dd did fencing activity which the other didn't want to do so I sent them to mini golf.
The did mini golf in five minutes flat and came over to watch dd. They spent the next ten minutes say dd was rubbish at fencing etc. (dd had never done it before and neither had they) I told them off.

This morning dd went to the park but she wouldn't.
There's a kids activity at 11 but it sounds boring (even though it doesn't say what they are doing.)

Mum left for holiday last night with the other kids so I'm completely stuck with her now arghh

My Mum Is with us is bloody furious.

You are not stuck with her.
Tell her mum she cannot stay and let her work out how to deal with it.