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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

470 replies

Deeperdown · 18/07/2015 09:06

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 19/07/2015 10:40

So you can't even send her home. I wonder why her own mother didn't take her on holiday? Hmm

I'd just be horribly blunt with her. If she is rude, pull her up on it every single time. If she is bored, give her a book to read or tell her to clean the room.

pictish · 19/07/2015 10:44

Gawd what a nightmare - feel for you. She sounds very like my friend was on our holiday at roughly the same age - I think we were 13 or so. It wasn't Pontins but a visit to France.
I think the thing that really got me personally about her conduct was the lack of respect she had for my mum's efforts. She obviously didn't give a toss what my mum thought of her...she clearly thought she was better than both of us. Her ungraciousness was jawdropping.
Neither of us could stand her by the end.

How long have you got left? Think of this as an endurance test...apply wine to the situation liberally.
What will you say to her mother on your return?

TwinkieTwinkle · 19/07/2015 10:48

Call her mother now and tell her to either come and collect her daughter, book a train ticket for her or give her a decent bollocking over the phone about her behaviour. Horrible wee brat.

purplesprings · 19/07/2015 10:55

When you were arranging the holiday did the other mum not mention she would be going away with her other dc? What would have happened if you'd had an emergency?

CrystalCove · 19/07/2015 11:25

Did you know your DDs friends Mum was going on holiday at the same time?

FurtherSupport · 19/07/2015 12:04

Her mother has arranged a family holiday without her? Could that, perhaps, be the root of this problem?

Doesn't excuse it though and as PP said, what happens if there's an emergency? Where has her mother gone?

Original poster
Deeperdown · 19/07/2015 12:22

in fairness the mother does take the dd away regularly as they have a holiday home.

I did not know until the day we left Mum was going to be away.

They thought we were back the day after we are and would be back. They've said we would have to have her till 6pm on the day we get back until her aunt finishes work and can get to their house.

OP posts:
Metacentric · 19/07/2015 12:27

Under 12's cannot travel alone.

Bollocks. How do you think Y7 children get to school? Here in my city it's routine for people to commute by rail, changing in the centre of the city, from Y7.

Metacentric · 19/07/2015 12:34

but my DN wasn't allowed to travel alone long-distance on a coach or train in 2006 under age 14yrs. He had to take his birth certificate to book his ticket. He also had to be accompanied by a parent at the booking office when buying his ticket.

Yeah, that happened. Hmm

pippitysqueakity · 19/07/2015 12:38

Oh, this is a child, fgs. She joins in or tags along and is bored quietly. Pull her up every time, do not let her think that this behaviour is acceptable.
You might know her mum can't get her, but does she?
Charge her 10p for every negative comment.
Ask her if she thinks her behaviour is acceptable. Make similar remarks to her and ask how it makes her feel. Model correct behaviour and ask her how that makes her feel.
Ask her what she wants to do/ does not want to do and get reasons. Do not accept boring as a reason, tell her she needs to put her feelings across clearly before you can do anything about them.
Do not let your precious holiday be ruined by a sulky child's mood, unless she has a very good reason that you are aware of/can help with.

LavenderLeigh · 19/07/2015 12:42

Well, they are simply going to have to change their plans then, aren't they.
Tell her DM that her daughters behaviour makes it impossible for you to have her beyond 5pm tonight and she needs to make arrangements to have her picked up by then or you will be putting her on a train.

Spartans · 19/07/2015 12:43

I was travelling on trains on my own from 11 years old, so since 1993. I went all over on trains alone. Never heard anything so daft as a 12 year old not being able to get a train.

Ring the mother and tell her she needs to arrange to get her dd. The aunt or some one needs to come get her as she is ruining the holiday.

FurtherSupport · 19/07/2015 12:44

Obviously the mother needs to step up but OP can't put her on a train if there's no-one at home when she gets there.

LavenderLeigh · 19/07/2015 12:54

It's up to the mother to make arrangements to have someone there to collect the stroppy little madam. Better still, she could change her own holiday plans and come and get her badly behaved child herself so that she does not ruin any more of another families holiday.

Original poster
Deeperdown · 19/07/2015 12:57

I have so far

had a kind chat about missing/wanting to go home.
told her if she was that homesick we would arrange for someone to come for her.
Told her she didn't have to do the same activities as dd and she was free to do her own.

Told her off for her behaviour.

Made her go.

Told her maybe I wouldn't feel like taking them swimming (they can't go alone as not strong
swimmers) as it was boring to ME Blush

Pottery 'looked boring' she loved it.

Kids club 'looked boring' on the info sheet even though she didn't know what room they were in or what they were doing. I made her go with us, she sat with their head on the table. I went to the shop leaving them sat there. Came back and they were running round laughing clearly having fun.

They have to have constant attention.

OP posts:
CrispyFern · 19/07/2015 12:59

Buy her an X Box with her £300, shut her in the caravan, and go out to enjoy your day!

Fatmomma99 · 19/07/2015 13:00

How horrible for you. Keep forcing her to do things she doesn't like the sound of but actually enjoys.

I now realize how very lucky I am - we've taken DDs bff out with us several times (never on holiday, although I would) longest was an overnight camping trip.

Beautiful manners and up for everything. It never occurred to me it could be anything else.

Feel really sorry for your mum too.

merrymouse · 19/07/2015 13:05

Poor you, but maybe in a couple of days she will realise her moaning isn't getting her anywhere and she is actually having fun? Sounds like you are doing a good job in the circumstances.

Kewcumber · 19/07/2015 13:08

Buy her an X Box with her £300, shut her in the caravan, and go out to enjoy your day!

INspired idea

RoboticSealpup · 19/07/2015 13:13

Mum seems as entitled as DD so it's not hard to see where she gets it from. I would never do that family any favours again.

Original poster
Deeperdown · 19/07/2015 13:13

I'm most pissed off for my Mum to be honest, she's had major heart surgery and a cancer scare in last two months and this is her only holiday too. She is very cross/upset.

OP posts:
CruCru · 19/07/2015 13:16

Oh blimey, that sounds rotten.

sooembarrassed · 19/07/2015 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LavenderLeigh · 19/07/2015 13:17

all the more reason to get this rude child's mother to change her own holiday plans and come and collect her brat.
Just tell her straight "your daughter's behaviour means we cannot have her here any longer. You need to make arrangements for her return home today. We cannot be responsible for her beyond 5pm."

The other family have a holiday home - this is your family's only holiday and your Mum is not well. She doesn't need the stress and aggrevation.

Penfold007 · 19/07/2015 13:22

I bet the mother knew her daughter would be a sulky brat and took the opportunity to go away without her. I'm sorry you and your family are having such an awful time because of her awful and selfish behaviour.

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