Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

[Deeperdown]

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

Madam where did I say I was going to the activities with them?

You just have to suck it up now I guess, lesson learned.

Ive never thought it sounded remotely appealing to have the responsibility of an extra child on holiday. Surely theres a massive chance it will be hideous for everyone.

I think maybe being on holiday and seeing other kids of 12/13/14 is getting to the 'friend' and maybe its bringing it home to her your DD's SEN and age.

If you look at the plus side this child is normally (seemingly) nice to your DD at school, in fact her only friend (unless she is bullying/controlling her) so that must be a plus point. Would it be possible to meet with child's DM after this holiday, express disappointment but try to 'smooth things over' so your DD still has this friendship in September if both children want it.

On a slightly different topic. I went to a private convent for about 2 years towards the end of my education. I was suspended (don't ask, very strict place) and when I returned went into one of the two classes for 15-16 year olds. Because of what I'd done sort of (petty playground games but the other girl involved had been expelled and the third one was the one who told on us but had been our friend) then I found myself suddenly 'friendless'. One girl in that class was 3 years older than us and had been 'kept behind' 3 years - she was I think SEN but it wasn't common knowledge then (mid to late 1980s), anyway this girl befriended me but although I was friends to 'hang around' with her I did find some of behaviour and comments a bit strange. I liked her though and we became fairly good friends. Anyway an example of how teens behave with SEN. She was roundly not ignored and not avoided but didn't seem to have a friend as such (apart from outside school) before me.

Branleuse when I and my DB were children often from 7-9 other children came along (single mother like my mum and family friends with same age and sex DC as us). A godsend because we all played together - mostly farm/holiday park etc holidays.

from 10-15 DB and I had our best friends come along - one was a boy from a family of 4 boys and the other was my BF the youngest of a family of 4 but with a largely absent mother and she was at least 5 years younger than the next eldest her DB.

All these children were never a problem at all - in fact behaved completely well and in fact in some senses were grateful that my DM and Dstepdad had taken them away (Ireland, countryside/seaside etc).

The one time we went to France without friends I spent the whole time in the caravan reading Enid Blyton books as I was quite shy.

So it worked for us... there was the time when another friend of DB's at 15 or so when in France bought a flick knife and at a car boot sale a crossbow... but he was the exception!

OP - if I were you I'd step away from this thread as you are getting some bonkers advice and it must be adding to your stress.

You did something that you thought would benefit your child and it hasn't turned out the way you'd hoped. It happens to the best of us

Superfly I do get that but to be fair she's been a brat since we arrived here. As soon as we got here she started. (Complaining we had to wait fifteen minutes for taxi to site and lying down on pavement out of boredom)

It's not pontins lol

I can understand you just putting up with it for the week. However do really look closer at the relationship between the girls. It doesn't sound that healthy. Are there other weekly groups outside of school that your DD could join to establish more positive relationships. Brownies/scouts?

It sounds to me like she regretted saying she wanted to go but was too late to change her mind. Probably her mum arranged their holiday after she was committed to going with you and now she feels left out and has decided to be miserable. Not great and no excuse for her behavior, but probably nothing to do with you or your mum or your daughter. My DS2 can do this sometimes, just decides to be awkward for the sake of it and can bring everyone else down with him. He's never do it when with someone else's family though - that is reserved purely for us. We tend to just ignore his sulks and carry on regardless or just take ourselves away from him and leave him to it. He is always apologetic afterwards. Always happens on holiday and usually just because he is tired/wants to play on screen etc.

You've tried giving her the options, you've tried just including her and expecting her to get on with it if neither are working then it really makes no difference what you do so try to do what pleases yourself and just apply a suitable amount of supervision as required. Jollying DS2 along tends not to work. We just carry on regardless and wait for the fog to lift. Usually that happens if we do an activity that he is good at rather than necessarily something he'd pick as it didn't sound exciting. Last holiday was at CP and turns out he is a whizz at Field Archery although not great at actual archery.

We've tried to appeal to his better nature....that doesn't work :o

Deeper I do feel for you I really do... the child sounds at best a whinger and rude and at worst stubborn and won't listen.

I don't know whether its a 'kids of today' rule (seriously when we were kids we rarely played up and there were consequences etc) whether it's hormonal or more than that.

I'd phone the mother if you can though, probably won't do the slightest bit of difference.

and as Hell says look at other friendship options for your DD.

*his morning we went to kids club. Told she didn't have to come. I took dd , she decided to come with me, Sat with a sulky face, joined in when I left while telling my dd (which I didn't see) how boring it was.

She then started with can we go and d x now. I told her to wait until dd had finished as she was enjoying it.

We went to the next activity she chose. We all did it. She finished before us and immediately started because we hadn't finished shouting 'I'm Done I'm done' then 'what do you want me to do now , do you just expect me to sit here do nothing. I told her I had sat for hours watching them do activities and I was only expecting them to wait five minutes while dd finished.

We then went to another activity they both chose and my dd was winning hers in a race. She waited until she was right at the side of my Mum and said it was ridiculous and boring.

She had the day before been commenting how rubbish and crap my dd was at fencing.

My Mum was praising dd over how she had done good (dd struggles at everything) and she was constantly interrupting wanting attention*

It sounds as though you or your mum are there nearly all the time because you talk about all the bad stuf this kid is doing.

Madam she's done loads of activities without us. I've done a big list of sports she's done which I didn't go to.

The one with the race we were sat in an outside area with my Mum and she came round to us. (Pool is inside but part comes outside in a loop if that makes sense.

The pottery we all did because I wanted to do it too.

I went to kids club, swimming and fencing (which she didn't do) because my dd has additional needs and can't swim and I HAVE to go with her.

She's been to golf, park, archery, aerial adventure and zip wire, target shooting etc etc alone.

Dd has started karate and is going to cadets.

OP to be honest with you - she's done some activities with you and your DD which you listed and even though your DD may have wanted to have done these too then this child did them.

I think you just have to put up with her moaning and shout her down if and when you can. and ignore her.

Wankers points are good too.

I'm going to step away from the thread now. Some great advice thanks. I came here to let off steam Tbh as many posters do.

I just want to make it clear my dd has done lots of activities the other child chose or found somewhere else to be to let the other child do activities alone. The child has whinged about many activities she actually chose herself before coming (she didn't have to) and then she's enjoyed them.

She has done nothing at all that dd has chosen apart from one kids session she decided to come to herself then when I wasn't there told dd how rubbish it was and no activities or shows at all she hasn't wanted to which she was told she didn't have to do the same.

My dd is no angel, I have been having issues with her recently (sn v puberty) but I would be horrified if she behaved like this away with the other family.

Found out Mum hasn't taken the other kids either.

I don't want to cause ww3 for dd so we will just get through this week!

I'm currently sat in the caravan so the child can watch kids tv and my Mum has taken dd out to a show.

My Mum is refusing to go off site to any of the places she had planned because she doesn't want the behaviour while out.

OP, I think you're getting a massively hard time when it sounds like you're being lovely and had thought things through before you invited this girl.

I don't think you can send her home either, and wouldn't if it were me. I would be having a bloody good moan though!

I think all you can do is let the whinging pass you by as much as possible and do your utmost to have a good holiday yourself and with your DD. Bright and breezy, and if whingy girl doesn't want to join in, that's her loss.

I would be having a firm word with her though, and perhaps threaten calling the mum. You wouldn't have invited her if you'd known she'd be so awful, so presumably she does have a good side that can be appealed to.

Why can't your mum go off site? Offer a trip to an ice cream, or if they don't want to go they stay in the kids club. Could your dm take your dd ?

I think you are getting a hard time in here OP. I still think a stern warning about general moaning, sulking, spoiling things for other people would be appropriate. Then go out like your mum wants to, tell her she's going and she's going to behave - end of. Maybe her own mum is too soft with her.
Give some clear consequences if she does sulk whilst out.

My Mum is refusing to go off site to any of the places she had planned because she doesn't want the behaviour while out.

I th I you both have to be careful you don't become martyrs to this.

Yes - it's not good and I would be horrified if my DC acted like this but it's within the spectre of behaviour that I'm sure you can cope with - I.e. It's not dangerous for you to be alone with her.

I don't see the point of your mum staying on site with you all the time. I would just go to the places and ignore any bad behaviour (as long as it's not compromising safety) and get on with it. You are the adults and you are in charge.

tell her to suck it up and stop whinging like a spoilt baby. Shes lucky youve taken her away, and shes done some lovely things, but tell her that if she expects you all to be singing and dancing to entertain her every time she is bored for 5 minutes, then shes got another think coming.

Tell her only boring people get bored (I say this to one of mine who isnt averse to whinging)

My Mum can't manage off site on her own and is only just post surgery. She's furious at the behaviour and after the lying on the pavement antics she doesn't want to go out with her.

Well - that's her choice but I'd try and jolly her along a bit to go out. Watch you're not inadvertently winding each other up about it.

If not, this child is being given a lot of power to dictate exactly what goes on

Op I read the whole thread and you sound lovely.But I think both the girls are the same age in years but if your DD is aged 7 in maturity that is a massive gap.5 years maturity difference of ages is huge.Especially when 1 is Going in to teenage years.Its like having a 13 year old and 18 year old.It just won't gel.
Maybe this is the time for your DD to make more age appropriate friends.

If you've got 2-3 days left how about everyone gets one choice of activity and everyone else agrees to go along with it for that morning/afternoon. That way your dm gets to go out and you can have a few hours off with her by choosing what dd and friend do to enable that. I realise dd has some additional needs but she must cope independently at school so she shouldn't need you there for kids club or swimming.

That's a good idea, LIZS

Then I would have a chat with your mum and agree that no other adult headspace is going to be devoted to thinking about this - just enjoy the holiday as much as you can. Do not discuss this child between yourselves bar what is needed to make practical arrangements

Am off now really . Dd cannot swim confidently so I am not allowed to leave her unless and have to go to swimming with her, even aqua jets you have to sit in the watch area. kids club is not like kids club abroad where you can leave them in care of nannies or Kids reps it's just a 40 minute kids activity if that makes sense. Dd will not take part if alone due to noise/busyness etc

exactly Gobbolinos no more discussion - if brat child wants to do something she's done before again then let her.

but I also think like dustarr says maybe this child is suddenly realising the extent of your DD's immaturity against her burgeoning teenager-ness. I recall at 12 I was still very much 'child/little girl' yet FFW a year or so and I was a teenager and into more adult stuff. This could well be what this child is up to.

Again though report to the mum there is no need for rudeness, lying down on pavement refusing to do something and if I were this child's mother i'd be worried by the latter behaviour at the very least. especially coming from a 12 year old!