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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

470 replies

Deeperdown · 18/07/2015 09:06

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

OP posts:
SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 21/07/2015 17:13

OP I'd just do what others suggested and tell her if you hear one more rude word, one more "boring", one more eye roll or even the hint of bad behaviour then she will spent the next day being babysat and paying for it out of her holiday money while you go and do your own thing with DD and DM.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/07/2015 18:35

Well, take a few deep breaths and soldier on, ignoring her complaints as much as you can. I think I'd only address 'put downs' with 'That's not very nice' and ignore the 'It's boring'. It's really all you can do since coercion, scolding, and sweet-talking aren't working. I agree with not sending her home btw. I wouldn't want that on my conscience if something went wrong.

The time will pass and you'll be rid of 'Miss Misery' eventually. If possible, maybe you could plan a weekend away in a few weeks for you, DD, and your Mum to 'make up' for this fiasco?

Hissy · 21/07/2015 18:53

Given your comment about her going to the SN room at school, and her dripping whines and poison about the activity to your dd as soon as you weren't there, I'd say you need to make sure that this girl is not allowed in the SN room anymore, I don't trust what crap she'll be feeding your dd.

I worry a great deal at how socially excluded your dd is, could you look at moving her to a more supportive/geared up environment in future?

Hissy · 21/07/2015 18:54

I would make sure I was absolutely truthful about this girl to her mother too! Never again!

Fleecyleesy · 21/07/2015 19:00

Can your mum and your dd go offsite to do the planned stuff?
Can you put the other girl front of a telly/games console meanwhile?

Agree this girl needs to be banned from the sn room. My ds is the only one allowed in his sn room. It's a haven.

outtolunchagain · 21/07/2015 19:20

Actually the more I read about this child the more it seems likely that she has some form of additional or behavioural needs herself . I have never come across a NT 12 years hi would lie on the pavement on the street or shout' I'm done 'in a loud voice in a public place with people she barely knows , it smacks of a lack of self awareness

Nydj · 21/07/2015 19:49

Flowers for you, your dd and your mum, OP. I really don't understand why so many of the posts on this thread have been so mean spirited towards you.
Your poor dd must be so confused by her so called friend's behaviour.

The only thing I can think of is that this child wanted and agreed to come with you but found out later that her mum ( and the rest of the family?) are going away somewhere else and is acting up because she may have wanted to go with them but was not allowed to change plans. I am not excusing her behaviour which seems to have been pretty appalling but just giving a possible explanation for it.

I really hope things improve for the remainder of the week. More Flowers.

Original poster
Deeperdown · 22/07/2015 12:18

Ok they are going home. Relative rang this morning and they heard me telling them everything. Know they are in deep poo and have asked to go home now. Sadly we go home Friday morning so bit late for it to matter.

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/07/2015 12:25

Hope you can make the most of your last few days. Take your dm out for the day tomorrow.

WankerDeAsalWipe · 22/07/2015 12:26

So the relative is coming to get them? Well I know there is only a couple of evenings left and one whole day, but make the most of it and try to keep it lighthearted with your daughter.

merrymouse · 22/07/2015 12:41

Hope you have a really brilliant day tomorrow. Well done for getting through it this far.

Gruntfuttock · 22/07/2015 12:45

OP, I am so confused by your last post. I thought it was one girl behaving badly. But your most recent post says 'they' and not she? Confused

pictish · 22/07/2015 12:46

I'm also confused. Who phoned? Who overheard the conversation? Who is going home? Who is coming to get them/her?

WankerDeAsalWipe · 22/07/2015 12:48

I took it that Aunt(or mum?) phoned and girl heard the OP on the phone telling it straight and then asked to go home. They is used in place of she in this case I think.

pictish · 22/07/2015 12:54

I thought that was probably the case, but it wasn't clear.

Original poster
Deeperdown · 22/07/2015 13:31

Sorry child's Mums rang after she made excuses that she could get signal to text but not phone.
I text and said if she didn't behave today we were going home and Mum would have to arrange to collect her from ours tomorrow.

Aunt is now coming for her.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 22/07/2015 13:34

Good for you, Deeper.

CruCru · 22/07/2015 13:42

Oh well done.

Hellion7433 · 22/07/2015 13:46

Well done OP. What a nightmare

SuperFlyHigh · 22/07/2015 13:46

I would be tempted to ask for a bit of money to make up for a ruined holiday probably won't get anywhere

zipzap · 22/07/2015 14:20

Bloody hell. Amazed that the mum lied to you about going away and didn't bother to ring back when plans had changed to see that her dd had pulled herself up and was now behaving.

Definitely sounds like she couldn't be bothered to come and get her and figured you'd both have to suffer along in misery so she (or the aunt etc) didn't have to bother coming to get the girl.

Glad to hear that the mum has had the truth about how badly her dd has behaved - hope she understands the implications of this and how it has ruined your one holiday of the year, which was to be so important particularly for your dmum's recuperation after being so seriously ill!

And very glad to hear that she's going home early, even if they couldn't get her today - which would have at least given you a full day together without her - as it it it still means that potentially tomorrow you're going to end up hanging around waiting to get rid of her for the aunt to arrive Angry

cuntycowfacemonkey · 22/07/2015 14:21

Glad you are sending her home OP, what a nightmare! I'd be tempted not to hand over the spending money to the Aunt. Let the mum come and pick it up when you get back.

DreamingOfTheBeach · 22/07/2015 14:58

I've been following your ordeal and wanted to add to the other posts - well done on getting this mother to finally collect her daughter.

I really hope you can enjoy what's left of your holiday.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/07/2015 15:40

cunty - oh no the spending money you definitely keep as compensation for the brat's behaviour - I had assumed it was all spent but if not, no you keep that for sure.

Lies from the mum about going away seems as if she wanted to palm her daughter onto you all along.

LIZS · 22/07/2015 15:50

Has the mum stayed home then ? I took the comment to mean she'd left the other children behind too , not that they'd all stayed at home and she had lied about going away.