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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dds friend is doing my bloody head in.

470 replies

Deeperdown · 18/07/2015 09:06

She's on holiday with us, she's used to a hotel with no kids facilities at all, we are on a site with flipping loads of kids stuff Inc for older kids.

She's bored, she's not going to the beach because it's boring, she doesn't want us to go to the entertainment or the activities because they are boring.
Basically they are boring because all she wants to do is waste all her money in the arcades.

I'm putting my foot down and telling them we are going out but we've had one evening and I'm pissed off already. They are both 12.

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/07/2015 19:52

Plan something nice for tomorrow. I hope aunt could see how upset and awkward you all had become.

Hissy · 22/07/2015 19:53

Your mum hasn't done a thing wrong, the only wrong in this is down to a very badly behaved and poorly mannered child.

Lesson learnt, enjoy the rest of your week!

Marynary · 22/07/2015 19:53

SuperflyHigh You suggested that OP should ask for money to make up for a ruined holiday. If she does that it will look as this was her motivation for complaining about the child particularly as the child will probably claim that she has behaved perfectly.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/07/2015 20:03

Mary if you can read that is re read my other posts and say I changed my mind and also I said or wrote that in anger, I suppose it is what I would have liked to have said so should have put a disclaimer. Hey I was at work actually you know working as well as MNing!

HuckleberryMishMash · 22/07/2015 20:05

What an awful saga.

Best thing to do now is to have a celebratory drink knowing that you can now enjoy the rest of your holiday and plan a fab day for tomorrow. There is enough time left to salvage this a bit. Resist the urge to spend tomorrow regretting what has already happened, and just enjoy the family holiday you all deserve.

gamerchick · 22/07/2015 20:06

Right it's over. Tell your mother to put it behind her and make the rest of the time left enjoyable. You're not going home yet and imagine the peace in the morning.

Don't finish your holiday under a cloud.

AspieAndNT · 22/07/2015 20:13

Did you speak with the Aunt? How was the child as she left?

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 22/07/2015 20:14

^So OP just blithely says if her path crosses with brats mother "oh no that's FINE she was a pain in the arse but don't worry!"

Also what if the mother though I doubt she would offered OP money should OP then say "no no worries".^

Oh no. There's ways of saying. You ensure your tone is one more of sorrow than anger, firstly

You then point out that you always intended to treat the child

Her behaviour was even more upsetting because this was your treat being thrown back in your face

You had your elderly mother with you and SN child who also don't have the emotional reserves to deal with their holiday being spoiled and you had had to deal with and manage their upset (no easy task, is the implication there)

Taking all of the foregoing into consideration, you don't actually even want to have to think about what happened - to allow you to account for the £2.50 that was spent or whatever - so you are returning all of the money. (Implication being this ruined your holiday to such an extent that you don't want to speak or think about it again).

At all stages you have retained the moral high ground. You have removed any opportunity for the girl or the mother to state or imply that the girl was sent home and you made any profit out of it. You are also sending a very clear message that you actually find the whole thing so unpleasant that you don't even want to have to interact to with the mother and daughter again and you're certainly not lowering yourself to ask for money from them and having to justify what it was spent on

clam · 22/07/2015 20:14

What was the aunt's attitude when she arrived? And the child's mother when you spoke/texted?
And did the child thank you or apologise when she left?

Hellion7433 · 22/07/2015 20:30

Of course the mother won't think OP had her Dd for the cash!

Original poster
Deeperdown · 22/07/2015 20:30

My Mum paid for holiday
I paid for train, food, snacks drinks etc

Mum made excuses for the child, no thanks for having them, sorry they've been a pain etc.

Aunt just took them and went.

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/07/2015 20:33

Sad You can see where she gets her manners from.

Hellion7433 · 22/07/2015 20:33

That's awful! Not even a thankyou!! I'm sure they are adults with a huge sense of entitlement and that is why the DD is so awful

MadamArcatiAgain · 22/07/2015 20:33

Feel a bit sorry for the aunt actually.No responsibility for the kid yet got lumbered!

MadamArcatiAgain · 22/07/2015 20:34

What excuses did the mother make for her child?

Hellion7433 · 22/07/2015 20:34

What does this girl do at home for entertainment?

Original poster
Deeperdown · 22/07/2015 21:06

Xbox and tv hellion

OP posts:
girliefriend · 22/07/2015 21:14

Deeper think you have managed this well Flowers now have a glass or three two of Wine and relax.

I hope your mum can enjoy the last day at least.

AcrossthePond55 · 22/07/2015 21:37

Try to have an extra special day tomorrow. Nowt wrong with ice cream and biscuits for lunch and or dinner, imo. I think a bit of indulgence is called for, even if it's something small. Maybe dd and your mum can think up some treats that they'd like for your last day.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 22/07/2015 21:41

In my house I can rarely get signal to phone or receive calls, only to text. I have to walk to the end of the road to pick up a signal, and I don't even live anywhere remote so, that part may well be true. Just thought I'd chip that in...

sadwidow28 · 22/07/2015 22:18

I didn't even dare check on this thread after your outbursts at kind people who were trying to support you - and then you said YOU were stepping off the thread.

However, I truly AM glad that the Aunt has collected Dfriend. Nobody should have had to put up with such bad behaviour when a holiday is provided.

Enjoy your last few days as a family unit.

Original poster
Deeperdown · 23/07/2015 07:11

Sadwidow I'm sorry you feel I was unreasonable and I had outbursts. I said I was stepping away from the thread because I was at boiling point with stress with a very distressed child with sn and a sick and elderly post surgery parent who was also upset and was trying to deal with that.

I did thank everyone repeatedly for advice and Tbh this thread gave me the conviction to send her home and know it wasn't normal behaviour. I only wish I had done it Monday to salvage the holiday.

I've just read back through my posts, I can't see anything exceptionally feisty especially for aibu section , I've seen much worse in the last nine years but apologies anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Deeperdown · 23/07/2015 07:21

Thanks also to the people who pmd me offering support too. I've had my Mum and dd both in tears over this so thanks for keeping me going!

OP posts:
Phoenix0x0 · 23/07/2015 07:45

Deeper

You have coped well in a very stressful situation.

I just cannot believe that child's mother....pretending to be a way....speaks volumes!

Hissy · 23/07/2015 07:52

So was mum away or not? If the aunt came, that meant the mum wasn't around, right?

I think you've handled this BETTER than anyone could have expected. It is very easy to say "send her home" but logistically it's harder in reality and especially if there is nobody willing to supervise the girl.

I do get a whiff of her mother knowing what a royal pita this girl is, which leaves a horrid taste in the mouth.