...to be hurt by not being asked to be bridesmaid?

[BridesNayed]

I sort of know that I am. But I'm very upset (currently in 2ww so hoping some of this is early preg symptoms).

Friend A is getting married. For 20 years (since start of high school) my friendship group has been a fivesome (including me). Friend A has asked B, C and D to be her bridesmaids (as well as sister and cousin) and not me. I know it's totally U to have any expectation of being a BM but I'm very hurt that she chose the other three and not me because in my eyes, we're all equal friends. If anything, A sees B and C a little bit more often because they live in the same city, but hasn't seen D for 6 months and told me last month that she wasn't that close to D at the moment since an extremely drunken argument between A and D at another wedding last autumn which resulted in D hitting A. I see her approx once a month because I am often in her city for work. I would say we are very close.

It's so stupid I know, but I can't help but reconsider the whole of our friendship. I'm absolutely gutted that she doesn't consider me a close enough friend compared to the others.

DH reckons I should ask her why she didn't pick me. I think this is a ridiculous idea because it's not about me. I know I can't say anything because it's her bride prerogative to have who she wants, but sucking it up and grinning is really hard and I just wanted to know if the general consensus was that these feelings are unreasonable or not.

Totally what Sometimes said ^^ and well done you for being so gracious in your management of the situation even though it clearly hurts. Good luck with TTC. Keep us updated xxx

sometimes speaks very wise words.

Who in their right mind over the age of 10 wants to be a bridesmaid anyway?

both I don't think that's the point. It's the sneakiness of the b2b and the ugly sisters the bms2b, not to mention being left out when they were previously thought to be close to the OP.

When I was snubbed as a BM I still went to the wedding, even though DH didn't want to go. We didn't bring a gift though, just a card (when we got married a few years earlier they'd talked a good present but it didn't actually materialise). Many of the evening guests just assumed I was the BM, even though my outfit was separates from coast, not bridesmaidy at all.

Both - if you've read the thread, obviously me.

I've just re-read your OP and it seems that A and D have a very much love/hate close relationship I personally wouldn't want a friend as a BM that I'd had a fight with but...

those sorts of relationships can often be very much "love you/hate you" etc... and quite intense (not what I'd want anymore).

so hence another spin on this.

Be careful op. She doesn't like you.

My 'friend'didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid supposedly because Iwouldn't want people looking at me because I have anxiety. She also didn't invite me on the hen do because she said I probably wouln't be able to afford it-

When I didn't goto the wedding she bitched about me to people for years and held a grudge about it.

Oh poor you OP. I would be devastated too. FWIW, I did the same as you and just had Dsis and DD as bridesmaid because I couldnt choose between my five closest friends. I couldnt afford to have them all and I only wanted a small low key affair anyway. I think they all understood. I hope they did!

Op I can't help but think if the bride was a real friend and had a genuine reason not to have you as a bm then she would have contacted you prior to fb announcement and explained why not. I'm sure she knows how this looks and how hurtful it is which is why no one mentioned anything at dinner and the hard stares given. She has made a bad situation worse she should have nipped it the bud. Genuine friend..?

For what it's worth her reason's sound lame.

agree with both scandip and Number12 - this 'friend' doesn't really like you and isn't a real friend.

like I said a few pages back I had a friend like this - known her since 3 years old - went to same high school then she went to uni up north and I went out to work. We saw each other at my mum's 50th birthday party when we were both 18 and after when she was 19/21 etc and then communication tailed off, she had her life and I had mine. FFW a few years later and she was bitter due to a relationship with a much older man which affectively trapped her and was less independent in other ways. But there was nothing 'there' in our relationship now apart from threads of friendship. next thing in a letter I wrote something (jokingly) about keeping in touch and she took this totally the wrong way then refused to have anything to do with me and told her mother (who was a close friend of my mother) she didn't want anything to do with me! a normal friend I'd have expected to have spoken to me/ironed it out if she was that bothered!

hurtful to you though.

OP, I was wondering how you were and if you've spoken to any of them recently?

Hi Op have you spoken to any of them lately?

I had a very similar experience to this.

I have a very close friendship group of 4 (including me). We go out near enough every weekend together, go on holidays together etc. We were like sisters! We have been a very tight friendship group for the past 8 years. One of my friends within the group is getting married abroad this year which we were all very excited about!

Initally, i thought my partner was invited as both the bride and groom knew him and also all of our other friends partners were going. I was told he wasnt invited because he didnt know anyone! Although it upset me, myself and my partner worked it out and agreed for me to go with the other two girls as a holiday.

Before booking the holiday, i felt very rushed and pressured to book the hotel where the wedding was being held however, i couldnt see the rush as it was well over a year in advance.

However, unlike me, the other two girls was asked to be bridesmaids. At the time when i was told she picked the other two except me, i felt i handled it really well and said i understood. However, this deeply hurt me! I understood it was her decision and it was her wedding day however, i was deeply hurt and deverstated that i knew everything in our friendship group had changed. I felt like the odd one out. I knew that when going out on a weekend it would be awkward as I wasnt involved in the wedding planning etc.

I spoke to the bride and the bridesmaids about this but at the time, they said i was bitter and that i shouldnt feel like this. They couldnt see why i was deeply hurt. I wasnt jealous that i wanst a bridesmaid, i was hurt because i felt different and i saw myself as different. I couldnt understand how they could do that to me, knowing the 4 of us did things together all the time.

I knew after the girls wanted to quickly book the hotel because they were chosen as bridesmaids however, non of them asked me before hand how i felt about it.

Since then i havent been myself around them. Even though its been a while since the decision was made, i cant get rid of the hurt that i feel. Now whenever they talk about the wedding or hen night i find it very difficult to talk about. Its not that i dont want to talk about it or feel excited, i just cant!

For the past year ive had doubts on whether to go to the wedding or not as me and the bride have drifted apart. I just want things back to the way they was before. But now i just feel lonely and the odd one out.

Is it right to feel like this? What do i do?

May - start a new thread rather than tagging it on to a very old thread.