For thinking my mum needs to make more of an effort with her appearance?

[animefan89]

My DM is 52 and has now been single for the past 4 years. I am worried about her being lonely as she enters the later years of her life. She doesn't really have anyone in her life except me and her cats. Both of her parents have passed away, and she isn't very close to her siblings. She is a lovely, friendly, kind person who has a heart of gold. Now, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but she has let herself go quite a bit. She dresses much older than her actual age, hasn't been to a salon for a long time (she has grey roots showing through) and just doesn't seem to be bothered as much as when she was younger.

I just think if she wants to find a man then she needs to make more of an effort. If she doesn't, then she is running the risk of becoming a lonely old spinster with a cold, empty space on the other side of her bed for the rest of her life. I don't judge her on how she looks but I can see how men on online dating sites would. It's a very competitive arena. I haven't mentioned anything to her about this but I'm wondering if I should.

Jingly - oh I see! Round here it's mostly letting down car tyres and what not so I didn't realise.

note to kids reading - much better to post crap here than let down tyres

'I'd like for all the Unbelievers to indicate whether they are the same age as the op's mum. I have a feeling that us Believers are closer to the age of the op, which raises all sorts of interesting questions about casual ageism....'

I'm older than the OP's mum, I believe the post and it's partly because I'm often stunned at the backwards cartwheels that feminism appears to have done in many areas in the last couple of decades. Particularly in the area of 'how girls/women should look, think, behave' as defined by other, often young women.
Like the OP.

I missed that comment Hag thanks for highlighting it. I'm confused though, are you saying you believe the post because feminism has taken a a step back so the OP is typical of young women you're referring to? Because if that's the case, there's a fairly hefty dose of ageism in there too.

You can count me in as an unbeliever here, and since I'm in my thirties I'm closer to the OP's age going by the date in the nn.

I'm an unbeliever and I am 53.

A year, Carrot, that's positively recent. I'm the same age as you and haven't been in a salon since the morning of my wedding eight years ago. I bought a home hair dye kit over a year ago and it's still waiting on the shelf for me to have child free time to use it.

OP, there is so much wrong with your post I don't know where to start! In fact, I'm not sure whether you're for real.

I had a smear test the other week. It wasn't much fun but I had a chuckle with the lovely nurse, and best of all it was over in five minutes including the paperwork. As for going to a salon, there is a place in town that does while-you-wait haircuts for a tenner which I go to about 3 - 4 times a year, because let's face it, how quickly does hair grow? Not very if you leave it alone.

I've no idea whether the OP really is a concerned daughter - I'm thinking male because of the horror of a cold empty space beside her in bed for ever comment - but if any of my DC were to express similar sentiments they'd be rubbing the bootprint off their arse (er, metaphorically of course). I'm older than the OP's mum, rather stout, can't be bothered to dress up, wear makeup for job interviews and weddings only, haven't dyed my hair in a couple of decades and hated it when I did, love having a huge bed to myself, own 2 cats, and the point is, have not given up on myself in any way, shape or form. It's just that as you get older you gain a different perspective, and some things that seemed crucial in your 20s, say, just don't matter as much whereas other things catch your attention more than they used to. It's not better or worse, just different.

I'm an unbeliever and I'm 26!

Most of my friends and other women I know around my age are actually very feminist.

' the OP is typical of young women you're referring to? Because if that's the case, there's a fairly hefty dose of ageism in there too.'

I tend to believe most posters, because why wouldn't I?
No, I don't think all young women are like the OP. My DD and her friends are very strong feminists and unlikely to ever go along the everything pink, depiliated, dyed and homogenously beautiful route.

I'm 52, with grey roots today. I wasn't feeling particularly doddery till I read the OP - what with, you know, having a job and a life and friends and kids - but now I'm wondering if I should order a pair of nice beige support tights. And a girdle. One of those white quasi-surgical looking ones.

(I'm wearing jeans cut off at the knee and an orange T-shirt, btw. Admittedly my red toenails need repainting.)

We'll I am 50 and as hot as fuck! dress like mutton, slap on the slap and love spa days. My kids are 25 to 16 and I am happily married and soon to be a gran!

I couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of my looks and my dds would hoot about their lives being defined by being with a man.

Has the op left 1956 yet? Is anyone of her age really that old fashioned?

Where is the OP?

First post on Mumsnet, hasn't returned................

a girdle and a pair of those long pairs of knickers my granny used to wear plus a flowery apron. I could go for a shampoo and set and leave my curlers in at night.

'a girdle '

Aren't they called spanx now? My granny wore a girdle, but at least when she took it off, she was cuddly. Unlike surgery and liposuction.

Flowery apron ooohhh and a feather duster.

Blue hair?

I like the idea of blue hair.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/63/03/3d/63033d7938370e64785a9c5a92d876ab.jpg

Maybe when I've stopped being a sensible teacher, I'll go blue. For my 60th.

My granny was stick thin and wore a girdle with attachments for stockings and a vest. Huge huge knickers too.

Ha ha hag you could go all Mrs Slocome and talk about your wet pussy! That should surprise the kids, or get you arrested.

Changed my mind, peacock hair. That's the way to go!

I'm a folklorist. If you want really down and dirty, read the inuit legends and folktales told by older women in the group. Mrs S was an innocent.

ooh no, a cursory search reveals you can still get actual girdles, though they are shamelessly making a play for being sexy these days, which is quite shocking when you realise they should really be accessorised with a motherly and slightly beaten-down look.

Incidentally if anyone wants to buy me something that'll spruce me up a bit, a really terrific dress would be better than some 'nice jeans'.

Hahaha BIWI!!

It doesn't seem that believing or not believing the post is linked to age. I'm an older poster and see no particular reason to not believe it (unfortunately).

Hag at the risk of sounding like my teenagers that sounds awesome.

A folklorist! Brilliant.

Yes nice jeans sounds pretty crap and how a slightly patronising 20 something thinks an old bag like me in the winter of their life should dress.

Mini skirt and heels. That's the ticket.

I think I'd rather have a smear test than a spa day
Quote of the week definitely.

I am very reassured my those of you who would be content with your DH being your last relationship; I thought I was some kind of weirdo feeling like that.

FWIW I am 50 and frumpy, (think jeans, trainers and fleece). I have recently started doing an activity that lots of men happen to do. I've been with DP for 25 year but never married and don't wear a ring. Flipping heck, I could so easily pull if I wanted too. None of the nice (but equally ungroomed) men there seem at all bothered by my lack of glamour. I read so much about the difficulty older women have meeting men, I'm quite astounded actually. It doesn't seem that hard.