For thinking my mum needs to make more of an effort with her appearance?

[animefan89]

My DM is 52 and has now been single for the past 4 years. I am worried about her being lonely as she enters the later years of her life. She doesn't really have anyone in her life except me and her cats. Both of her parents have passed away, and she isn't very close to her siblings. She is a lovely, friendly, kind person who has a heart of gold. Now, I mean this in the nicest possible way, but she has let herself go quite a bit. She dresses much older than her actual age, hasn't been to a salon for a long time (she has grey roots showing through) and just doesn't seem to be bothered as much as when she was younger.

I just think if she wants to find a man then she needs to make more of an effort. If she doesn't, then she is running the risk of becoming a lonely old spinster with a cold, empty space on the other side of her bed for the rest of her life. I don't judge her on how she looks but I can see how men on online dating sites would. It's a very competitive arena. I haven't mentioned anything to her about this but I'm wondering if I should.

The OP is way too contrived and clichéd

ilovesooty I'm with you, I can't imagine anything less dull than a sodding spa day!

More dull even.

More dull.

Need gin

I'm older than the OP's mother and I can't think of anything I'd like less than a fucking spa day

Indeed, or going shopping for clothes, yuck

Christ on a bike.

If DH goes before me, I can share my bed with the dog.

Yeah!

A spa day would be my absolute worst nightmare and I would instantly smite dead anyone who bought me one or said more than once that I should have one. Stone dead.

Salons, taxidermy and a salmon visit - we've already filled up your DM's social calendar OP. (And no "gentle" book group needed!)

Just out of interest, I'd like for all the Unbelievers to indicate whether they are the same age as the op's mum. I have a feeling that us Believers are closer to the age of the op, which raises all sorts of interesting questions about casual ageism....

FWIW I believe based on my own experience but acknowledge that 50 year-olds in general are not like my mum was.

My mum is 66 and a bit of a hippy. I wouldn't dress like her but I like the way she dresses! It's her! She lives on her own with 3 cats and two dogs and quite frankly after living with my dad for 25 yrs (who was a controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive man) I think she is quite happy on her own! She has lots of friends and keeps in touch with everyone on Facebook! She doesn't feel she needs a man to be complete and doesn't feel lonely. She can do what she wants when she wants! I think it's terribly naive of you to think your mother needs to dress herself up to make herself more attractive to a man! By all means suggest she treat herself to a trip to the salon (or pay for one for her) to make her feel better, if you think she would enjoy it, but don't do it for a man!!

I think I'd rather have a smear test than a spa day.

farfrom: nope, not just you

How fucking depressing that your DM's main aim in life should be 'to find a man'.

I'm way older than your Mum and haven't had a man in my life for some years. It's quite possible you know to live life to the full without one. And it's a hundred times better than finding one who then treats you like shit.

Try minding your own business.

Reverse?

LadyP: I'm mid-30s. Somewhere in between

I know this is against the rules but this is a wind up, yes?

I'm interested to see that several posters think the same as I do about spa days. Several of my colleagues are going on one together next week. I hope they have a lovely time but I can't think of a bigger waste of a day of annual leave.

Goady fucker is my verdict, maybebabybee

My mum is 50...I'm 26. She has way more get up and go than I do tbh. Most nights I'm asleep by 10pm :S She was out drinking cocktails at 2am the other night!

Think we need a thread on the best way of disposing of DH so we can have the whole bed to ourselves.

Followed up by a support thread for anyone not having let themselves go sufficiently and attracting unwanted attention.

Oh and I'm guessing the Op would appreciate if DM never ever calls or offers to engage with her busy life. Hope she never needs a babysitter. Suggest once her DM has bought her nursing home insurance policy she embarks on as much SKIing as practical.

It's not that the concerns of the OP are implausible, more the way that they are expressed... that the post is populated entirely with clichés

You called fourtothedozen ? ;) LOL

OP, haven't read past page 3 yet however, has your mum even expressed an interest in dating especially online dating? Maybe she's happy. Maybe she is open to a relationship but isn't into looking? Not everyone is you know, not everyone makes it their mission to go out and try as many men as possible in an urgent need to settle down. Some people just actually meet someone. Maybe she wants someone who will just take her as she is.

Is she not bothering with her roots because she's depressed, because she just really isn't bothered or because she has other priorities?

Also, if you look around, you clearly don't have to be perfectly groomed with a lack of roots and great dress sense to be in a relationship.

Why don't you think about what your mum wants rather than trying to form her life and her appearance for her.

I'm 25, my mum is 50 and she's absolutely fantastic. You make your mum sound like she's thirty years older than she is and on the scrap heap!

Why on earth should your mum have to do anything to change herself just to find a man? You realise that not having a partner doesn't mean you've failed at life?

Quite, Suzanne.