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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this school event?

238 replies

eliza1960 · 15/07/2015 13:22

My eldest DD (Year 11) is quite upset over something that happened at school. Her form group is full of very loud, strong characters and she is a quiet girl who just gets on with things. Out of school she is more outgoing, does drama/ theatre as a hobby but she can be quite shy around the louder girls at school.

This week the form teacher let the leaders of the form organise a prize giving for the end of year 11. DD says it's a group of the more popular girls who organised and led this event.

They presented every person with a certificate related to their personality/ interests. Things like 'chatterbox of the year', 'most caring', 'sports mad' etc. they called DD's name and presented her with her certificate of 'class mouse'. She said she felt embarrassed as the rest of the class were laughing at her as she went to get it and she felt it wasn't meant in a nice way. It was done in front of lots of people and I think she found it humiliating as it was done to mock her for being quiet.

She's been quite tearful about it which isn't like her. I think she's also disappointed as she would have liked a certificate to keep that reflected her true personality (something nice about her, like how friendly she is or her drama interests, which these girls did know about. )

I feel that they have done it to be mean, as every other student received a certificate that was something positive. Class mouse is not something she wanted to be remembered as and she has even binned the certificate. She says that some of the other students have been making fun of her since, shouting 'mouse' and making squeaking noises at her.

I feel that she's spent years building up her confidence and self esteem only to have it knocked by this silly event, which her teachers allowed to happen without supervising what these girls were saying about their peers. The form teacher was even in the room when this happened and let the others laugh at her without intervening.

AIBU to feel annoyed about this?

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 15/07/2015 13:24

yanbu about the mouse thing but I am confused as to why year 11's are still in school when exams finished 6 weeks ago?

ChampagneBabyCakes · 15/07/2015 13:28

My kids aren't anywhere near year 11, so I could be wrong. I think you should ask her if she wants you to complain to the school. It might make her feel worse though, so I think you should follow her lead.
Form teacher sounds like they were switched off.

MrsToddsShortcut · 15/07/2015 13:28

Isn't Year 12 the final year? (I only have primary kids, so I could be wrong).

But no, YANBU. Your poor DD. I think it's a nice idea, but the teacher should have had a quick flick through the certificates the day before just to make sure there was nothing unkind or likely to be taken the wrong way. It's a great idea to let the kids be independant in their ideas and planning, but a bit of supervision over the content would have been appropriate.

I'd have a quiet word with teacher if I would you and see what their take on it is? Flowers for your DD, she sounds lovely.

Original poster
eliza1960 · 15/07/2015 13:29

I understand that exams are over but the school invites the Y11s who are leaving in for 'farewell' events. They includes things like prom and prize giving ceremonies like this one.

OP posts:
Twowrongsdontmakearight · 15/07/2015 13:29

YANBU. The class teacher should have either made the certificates him/herself or at least checked them before the presentation. In your shoes I'd complain. Totally unacceptable.

5madthings · 15/07/2015 13:35

Yanbu, that was not very nice at all. Is she leaving the school now or staying on for 6th form there?

Does your daughter want you to speak to the school?

LilyMayViolet · 15/07/2015 13:38

That's horrible. Things like that ought to be very complementary or a joke that the recipient will enjoy. I'm surprised the teacher didn't step in.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 15/07/2015 13:40

That's rotten - yes, I'd speak to the teacher too.

TheReluctantCountess · 15/07/2015 13:41

I don't think that was meant to be offensive.

paulapompom · 15/07/2015 13:44

YaNbu. Not nice. You would be well within your rights to complain to the school imo, but I doubt you will get much out of it. I think it's really important for your daughter to understand that these girls know nothing, - about her, about how to behave decently, about what is appropriate. Their opinion of your Dd is totally irrelevant, she sounds a lovely girl with hidden depths/talents that sometimes go unrecognised. Flowers for dd and you

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 15/07/2015 13:45

No, maybe not Countess - but a teacher should have had a look over first and made sure that there wasn't potential for someone to be hurt - especially as this might be their last memory of the school.

TBH I think the teacher made his/her mistake when handing over responsibility to the 'popular girls' and then took a backseat - yes, you have prom committees or yearbook committees or whatever, but at this age staff should still be keeping an eye.

I think something should be said if only to try to prevent this happening to some poor sod next year!

whois · 15/07/2015 13:48

Its a bit shit, but it probably wasn't meant in a nasty way. This is a good opportunity to help your DD be a bit more resilient. You said yourself the girls know nothing about her so help her brush it off as a silly certificate which means nothing.

Don't complain to the school on behalf of your 16 year old over a certificate which said 'class mouse'. You'll look like a right idiot.

Original poster
eliza1960 · 15/07/2015 13:48

She is staying on for sixth form. No she doesn't want me to speak to the school but I'm considering it as I don't think it was very nice. I think the teacher should have monitored it more closely.

I haven't been too impressed with this particular form teacher as he seems to have clear favourites and lets some students get away with lateness etc before coming down hard on others for the same thing. DD isn't very fond of him.

I'm thinking of just going in to mention it but I have other children at the school and don't want them to think I kick up a fuss over small things. To her though, it's not a small thing. She's upset by it.

OP posts:
WhatchaMaCalllit · 15/07/2015 13:50

I'd speak to the teacher first and then if you're not happy with the response you get, straight up to the Head. I wouldn't be happy with that especially as the teacher has appeared to allow this go on and by not putting a stop to the event or even reviewing the awards & their recipients before the event, has appeared to condone it.

Countess - whether it was meant to be offensive or not, the OP's daughter found it hurtful, didn't enjoy it like her classmates did with their awards and now is being picked on (others making squeaking noises as she passes them).

MrsTodds has it right.

JohnCusacksWife · 15/07/2015 13:51

I'd be furious if that happened to my DD and I'm surprised that the teacher didn't have a quick look over the "awards" to check they were ok. I hope your daughter realises that it says more about them than it does about her and can rise above it.

5madthings · 15/07/2015 13:52

I would mention it in a you think it would be better if they checked things before handing them out next year. It was a nice idea but had the potential to be upsetting and the school should be aware of that.

With any luck the kids will have forgotten about it after the summer. If the mouse jokes wrre continue I would be having a word.

JohnCusacksWife · 15/07/2015 13:53

Of course it was meant as a dig. In what possible way is being dubbed the class mouse a positive thing?

Janeymoo50 · 15/07/2015 13:53

I think it was really quite nasty to do such a thing and I'm sorry for your DD, it's clearly cut deep to make her tearful. I'd say something to the teacher if only to never let that happen to another young girl. That sort of thing is something that can stay with someone for years, yes you move on from it but deep down inside you never forget that awful moment of getting the certificate, glancing at it and feeling your heart drop.

Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 13:55

I blame the teacher here. She should have foreseen that at that age girls aren't always very tactful. Definitely she should have had some hand in the title of the 'awards'. I would say something so that she doesn't do a repeat next year, and send some other poor girl home offended and upset.

CrapBag · 15/07/2015 13:56

That's disgusting that the popular girls were allowed to have free reign with this. I clearly remember the popular girls at school and I hated them, they were stuck up bitches with no regard for anyone who wasn't pretty and popular (looking back it's always amazing how they are popular due to looks as the majority weren't particularly attractive but I think it boiled down to confidence and general up--your-own-arsedness).

I'd have to say something as this was very badly thought out. Your poor DD.

Kamden · 15/07/2015 13:56

YANBU. It's horrid to be teased in front of the class. Something similar happened to me when I was 13 and I still remember it all these years later. Even worse, it was in the form of a poem that was printed out, so the whole bloody class had a copy. :(

Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 13:57

Sorry, just realised the teacher is a male, not a female.

CarlaJones · 15/07/2015 13:57

Doesn't sound nice. My dd's teacher gave out certificates in year 5 with mr men and little miss characters on them and my dd got little miss quiet. I wasn't that happy over it as it felt like she was being labelled and I think there's a lot more to my dd than her quietness. The one you describe sounds worse

HighwayDragon · 15/07/2015 13:57

I am struggling to see how "class mouse" is horrible. She is quiet and shy, like a mouse. Maybe a little ill thought out but they're 16.

Zippitydodah · 15/07/2015 13:58

I can understand why you are unhappy about this. The form teacher should have checked this.

Completely agree Janeymoo50