Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this school event?

238 replies

eliza1960 · 15/07/2015 13:22

My eldest DD (Year 11) is quite upset over something that happened at school. Her form group is full of very loud, strong characters and she is a quiet girl who just gets on with things. Out of school she is more outgoing, does drama/ theatre as a hobby but she can be quite shy around the louder girls at school.

This week the form teacher let the leaders of the form organise a prize giving for the end of year 11. DD says it's a group of the more popular girls who organised and led this event.

They presented every person with a certificate related to their personality/ interests. Things like 'chatterbox of the year', 'most caring', 'sports mad' etc. they called DD's name and presented her with her certificate of 'class mouse'. She said she felt embarrassed as the rest of the class were laughing at her as she went to get it and she felt it wasn't meant in a nice way. It was done in front of lots of people and I think she found it humiliating as it was done to mock her for being quiet.

She's been quite tearful about it which isn't like her. I think she's also disappointed as she would have liked a certificate to keep that reflected her true personality (something nice about her, like how friendly she is or her drama interests, which these girls did know about. )

I feel that they have done it to be mean, as every other student received a certificate that was something positive. Class mouse is not something she wanted to be remembered as and she has even binned the certificate. She says that some of the other students have been making fun of her since, shouting 'mouse' and making squeaking noises at her.

I feel that she's spent years building up her confidence and self esteem only to have it knocked by this silly event, which her teachers allowed to happen without supervising what these girls were saying about their peers. The form teacher was even in the room when this happened and let the others laugh at her without intervening.

AIBU to feel annoyed about this?

OP posts:
Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 14:01

I also agree that getting the 'popular' loud girls to decide the awards was very misguided. It was all a very stupid idea and I would definitely make my views clear to him.

diddl · 15/07/2015 14:06

Maybe they got to do it as they asked?

I agree the certificates should have been looked at first.

Hard to know if it was meant nastily.

I would say that I don't think "chatterbox" is positive.

Rhubarb01 · 15/07/2015 14:06

I completely understand how upset your daughter must feel. It's not a reflection of someone's personality or abilities - whether accurate or humourous - to label them a 'mouse'. In my opinion the teacher is at fault. As others have mentioned the teacher should have taken a look at what had been done and used their judgment. I hope your DD manages to shake it off and forget it.

Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 14:09

Regardless of whether or not they asked to do it, the teacher should have taken some control.

Class Mouse is a nasty thing to say. It implies that someone has made little impact. I am sure if a different group of girls had decided the awards they would have said something totally different. Loud brash uber confident girls are often not the best people for looking past the surface to the qualities that make someone special.

Sighing · 15/07/2015 14:19

These sorts of jokes really suck. I was always cripplingly aware (and still am) that I struggle to join conversations or be anything other than surface chat with people. I hate it about myself and I get so mad when people describe me as quiet / antisocial.
It's just pointing at the thing someone isn't comfortable with and laughing. Obviously that's pretty much all most teenagers respond to. But the teacher could have carried out some sort of diplomacy check.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 15/07/2015 14:25

Being called a mouse is not nice, and I think it's disingenuous to say that it is.

If you say something, I would just sandwich it between 'thanks for all your support for dd through exams blah blah, has been a fantastic year blah blah had a quick query about the 'awards' which dd says were organised by fellow pupils - sure it wasn't anyone's intention to upset but might be worth thinking about for next year as 16 year olds' assessments of one another can be a little difficult to take or even inaccurate and not necessarily a great way to end an otherwise lovely 5 years.'

And email the head of year, not the form tutor, who sounds suspiciously like a twat so probably won't be much help. FWIW, my dd's prom had 'awards' done by all sixth formers dropping nominations in a box which was then vetted by staff (presumably in case anyone had put BIGGEST TWAT - or whatever) and then given out.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/07/2015 14:25

I'd be tempted to discreetly (sp? email the form teacher

Choccyhobnob · 15/07/2015 14:50

Oh God this has just brought back memories of the same sort of thing we had at our year 13 leavers assembly 12 years ago. There was "Most likely to run for PM", " Most likely to fight for their country", "Most likely to become famous" etc then the more personal Best/Worst Hair, Best/worst dressed etc.

The boy who I think won both the best and worst hair was extremely loud and popular and did have a massive ginger afro which he could pull off because of his personality but the girl who 'won' worst dressed was not popular at all and always looked like she bought her outfits from a charity shop or borrowed them from her nan. She was very nice and quiet and had her own little group of friends and I remember cringing inwardly when she 'won' that award....

Fair play to her she got up on stage in front of the entire 6th form to accept her award but I always wondered how it made her feel.....

Seems like this sort of thing organised by the popular kids still goes on!

DeeWe · 15/07/2015 15:14

If another prize was "chatterbox" then it doesn't sound like they were targetting your dd, so I'd probably focus on the obvious issue that allowing other students to run that sort of thing is risky, and they should check before they went out.

However I would say it's perfectly possibly that they were checked and felt things like that wouldn't be minded.
My dd1's 14yo and sounds quite similar to your dd, and I think she would not mind that certificate really. Certainly compared to what it could be Wink Definitely in my mind (and I think hers too) better than chatterbox anyway.

I mean if all the other awards were "best mathematician" "Most likely to be a politician" types and then she got "class mouse" it could be looked on as personal, but it sounds from the other awards that it was meant to be treated lightly.

Perhaps suggest another year that the staff make a list and the whole lot of the students vote for them rather than a small selection, particularly as the small selection sound like they're the loud mouth set, which does tend to happen as they're the ones who are loudest in their opinions.

The issue to me is the reaction afterwards. That is bullying. And wouldn't necessarily be effected by choosing all positive things as children who bully can turn all sorts of things round to their advantages.
That it's been picked up by the bullies to use against her makes me wonder if there's more to it than you know. Has she been called it in the past, and perhaps been upset? In which case you do need to make the teachers aware that it has been used deliberately to bully your dd because they knew it would upset her.

vvega · 15/07/2015 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryhadalittlespam · 15/07/2015 15:24

I would be furious if my DD got that

I would not be e mailing the teacher , I'd be making an appointment to see the head

That kind of thing is spiteful and cruel and meant to hurt . That poor girl

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/07/2015 15:28

Of course it's meant to be offensive,what else could it possibly be?!

I would be seeing the Head, I can't believe the awards weren't checked by the teacher. I'd be furious. It's shit comments like this that can floor a child.

Original poster
eliza1960 · 15/07/2015 15:29

Thanks for your replies.
DD said at the time that the Chatterbox one was given to a bubbly girl who takes pride in the fact that she's always talking/ noisy so I don't think it was meant as a negative thing for her.

I think it's cut deep because DD has always been self conscious about being shy/ too quiet, especially as her sister is the total opposite. Over her teenage years she's made a real effort to come out of her shell and this has come as a blow to her.

I wont say anything as she has asked me not to but I will keep an eye on the 'mouse' comments. I'm hoping it will be forgotten over the summer.

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 15/07/2015 15:32

Another one who thinks it wasn't meant kindly, especially given the behaviour since (squeaking noises etc) - spiteful!

See the head teacher or head of year. I think its very careless to allow the most popular group to organise something like this with no supervision whatsoever. I would be steaming!

zeeboo · 15/07/2015 15:41

I am going to go against the grain. They are 16! Not 6 for goodness sake. She's very quiet, they recognised that. They picked the most obvious trait of each peer. They didn't call her 'class slut' or 'class dog breath'. I truly hope those saying the chidren should t have organised it themselves don't have teenagers yet. In my DDs school the kids organise concerts, games, charity events etc and this would be a typical fun 'leavers' activity.
Op while your DD may be a good actress she clearly does t have very strong self esteem if this upset her so much, I'd work on that with her rather than wasting the tutors, or God forbid, the Heads time with this.
Another who is perplexed though as to how they came to be in school weeks after year 11 ended though? Hmm

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 15/07/2015 15:45

Zeebo OP has explained why they were in school Hmm

As I say, I have teenagers and yes, of course they should be involved in organizing things - but the teacher should have checked over their ideas for individual, personal awards.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 15/07/2015 15:52

I'm also not entirely convinced that it was meant as a dig: the subsequent squeaking noises etc is bullying, but why is being called the class mouse any more hurtful than, say, class chatterbox, class drama queen?

CarlaJones · 15/07/2015 16:02

It depends on the relationship someone has with the name callers. I was called albino (pale skin) at high school, but it was by people I was friends with and joked with, so it was ok. If it had been said by a group of mean, unfriendly girls it probably would have been upsetting. Sounds like this award was not done in a friendly, nice way, so is upsetting for the op's dd. She's not wrong to have been upset by it

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 15/07/2015 16:15

Chatterbox and drama queen are names that you might call someone you were friends with - 'chatterbox' in particular I can't imagine being said to wound (although it is a bit old-fashioned and sexist). But although I could imagine 'drama queen' also being used in a pejorative sense, I can't imagine calling a friend a mouse.

What I have realised, though, in thinking about it and imagining those terms being used in everyday discourse, is that they're all really quite sexist!

Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 16:17

Seriously, if someone described you as 'mousy', you wouldn't see it as an insult zeeboo?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 15/07/2015 16:21

In the nicest possible way...she's 16.

I have a ds in year 11 and a dd in year 12.

Of course she doesn't want you to go to the school and complain. I think you should listen to what she is saying to you.

Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 16:23

I wouldn't see it as complaining. It's more letting an idiotic teacher know that you have to keep control of these things and not officially sanction a situation where students can call each other names under the guise of an 'award ceremony'. He was really stupid, and he needs to be called on it.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 15/07/2015 16:25

I wouldn't advocate 'Dear School, Dd is upset at being called a mouse, please give her a better award as she is sad'.

But I don't think 'dear school, thank you for x y and z, was just slightly surprised by recent awards and way they were managed - would it be possible to consider staff having a quick look over and discussion in future years to avoid unnecessary upset'? would be a bad idea.

Nurserywindow · 15/07/2015 16:28

Exactly nit. It's not about complaining that dd was upset, it's about ensuring that a more tactful approach is taken in subsequent years to avoid a repeat.

Mistigri · 15/07/2015 16:28

There is no way that "class mouse" was intended as an innocent description of a quiet student! These are 16 year olds, not 6 year olds. It was intended as it was taken.

I think a word with the school about how inappropriate this was is definitely in order. There should have been more oversight by the teaching staff.