Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this school event?

238 replies

eliza1960 · 15/07/2015 13:22

My eldest DD (Year 11) is quite upset over something that happened at school. Her form group is full of very loud, strong characters and she is a quiet girl who just gets on with things. Out of school she is more outgoing, does drama/ theatre as a hobby but she can be quite shy around the louder girls at school.

This week the form teacher let the leaders of the form organise a prize giving for the end of year 11. DD says it's a group of the more popular girls who organised and led this event.

They presented every person with a certificate related to their personality/ interests. Things like 'chatterbox of the year', 'most caring', 'sports mad' etc. they called DD's name and presented her with her certificate of 'class mouse'. She said she felt embarrassed as the rest of the class were laughing at her as she went to get it and she felt it wasn't meant in a nice way. It was done in front of lots of people and I think she found it humiliating as it was done to mock her for being quiet.

She's been quite tearful about it which isn't like her. I think she's also disappointed as she would have liked a certificate to keep that reflected her true personality (something nice about her, like how friendly she is or her drama interests, which these girls did know about. )

I feel that they have done it to be mean, as every other student received a certificate that was something positive. Class mouse is not something she wanted to be remembered as and she has even binned the certificate. She says that some of the other students have been making fun of her since, shouting 'mouse' and making squeaking noises at her.

I feel that she's spent years building up her confidence and self esteem only to have it knocked by this silly event, which her teachers allowed to happen without supervising what these girls were saying about their peers. The form teacher was even in the room when this happened and let the others laugh at her without intervening.

AIBU to feel annoyed about this?

OP posts:
BitOfABoost · 15/07/2015 19:13

You are her parent. You need to stand up for her. Otherwise she will not think she is worth standing up for.

Speak to the teacher.

Ber2291 · 15/07/2015 19:15

I thibk now is a good opportunity to teach your DD some resilience. Acknowledge that it is shit for her but also don't make it into too big a deal and present the possibility that the girls meant nothing by it. I'm not saying you should belittle how she feels about it but IME reacting strongly to this kind of thing makes it seem all the worse. My DB was very fat when Young and was sometimes teased. My DM was privately so upset for him but brilliant at striking the right balance of sympathising with him but also not making it worse. Sometimes in life people might tease you but so what? Who cares? Brush it off and rise above it.

Ultimately there is nothing you can do about it now in terms of talking to the school, it won't change what has happened.

Ber2291 · 15/07/2015 19:18

Side note I was one of the 'popular' girls who did these exact awards at my school. I won a few things but one was something about 'dresses most like a homeless person'. It is meant to be a laugh and being able to laugh at yourself is very empowering.

tobysmum77 · 15/07/2015 19:20

You see I disagree they meant nothing. I think the ops dd is 'shy' around these girls but outside school is happy and outgoing. That is for a reason, I suspect that rests with them not her. She is labelled as being shy with low self esteem when imo it's more likely there has been low level bullying going on for a while. That's why she was tearful, she's coped up to now this is the final straw.

Original poster
eliza1960 · 15/07/2015 19:21

I will try to build her confidence up after this. She said earlier she is looking forward to sixth form as a new start because there will be new students joining, new form groups and she's excited about her subject options.

Interestingly, this particular form teacher is leaving the school to take up an Assistant Head job at another school Hmm slightly concerned that he will be in Leadership as I haven't been very impressed with his attitude towards children like DD and her friends. At least she won't have him next year though.

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 15/07/2015 19:22

presenting they meant nothing is saying it's all in.her head. That will not help her resilience!

NonnatusHouseMidwifeSpeaking · 15/07/2015 19:22

"Class Mouse" is clearly upsetting because it's like being called spineless/timid/yellow-bellied/chicken. It has these connotations of defenselessness and cringeyness and vulnerability - like you're just a doormat...

Also, it may not be damaging in itself however since other girls have now started squeaking at her and referring to her as "mouse", it is certainly an issue now :(

PuppyMonkey · 15/07/2015 19:24

Yeah, all those poor kids who get bullied just need to learn how to laugh at themselves. Job done. Confused

BitOutOfPractice · 15/07/2015 19:37

Ber you didnt need to add that you were one of the "popular girls" - that attitude is all over your posts to be honest.

"Sometimes in life people might tease you but so what? Who cares? Brush it off and rise above it."

Yeah, because it's that easy.

Quite clearly you've never had to deal with this kind of shit

BitOutOfPractice · 15/07/2015 19:39

And I assume you've not had kids who have been tteated like this either.

Perhaps you'd like to pop into my house and tell my previously happy outgoing 12yo DD that she just needs to "brush off" the spite, name calling, rumour mongering, shit she's had to put up with at school, while she cries in my arms.

God you've made me cross Angry

thelittlebooktroll · 15/07/2015 19:41

YANBU I would complain to the teacher so it doesn't happen again.Very strange that the teacher let this happen. Of course it's bullying. No teenage girl want to be remembered for being the class mouse while others get most pretty/ most fun etc Why should children have to be taught to be resilient to bullying? Shouldn't bullies be taught not to bully?

Italiangreyhound · 15/07/2015 19:48

Ber2291 IMHO being able to laugh at yourself is only empowering if you are doing it in company with people who are kind-hearted. If you are forced to laugh at yourself because others do then that is just a different kind of crap!

I'd like to live in a world where people don't have to laugh at themselves and stoop to others low levels to get by.

I wasn't one of the popular girls! But I am now! I made it happen, but not without cost. I'd quite like to feel that future generations could learn to get on without having to behave meanly!

sweetgrape · 15/07/2015 19:49

How on earth is being called the class mouse the same as being called the chatter box. Anyone who can't see the massive difference between the two is probably on a par with the insensitive teacher.

vvega · 15/07/2015 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MayPolist · 15/07/2015 19:55

They do this at my DC's school, but when they are leaving the upper sixth
DS1 was awarded a a certificate for 'Best Nigerian' (he is white English).They were all jokey but maybe at 18 they have that bit more maturity than 16?
I really think it is a bit feeble to be so fragile at 16.

soapboxqueen · 15/07/2015 19:55

Sweetgrape I'm one of the pp who said that chatterbox was the same because it entirely depends on the context and who is saying it. In my experience chatterbox has always been meant nastily.

But thank you for telling me that my experiences are wrong because they don't align with your opinion.

jenenberry · 15/07/2015 19:57

I was one of the 'popular' girls who did these exact awards at my school. I won a few things but one was something about 'dresses most like a homeless person'. It is meant to be a laugh and being able to laugh at yourself is very empowering.

Still not as nasty as 'Class Mouse'.

'Dresses like a homeless person' has a jokey feel about it. And the fact they gave it to you - one of the popular Hmm girls, means that they gave it knowing full well that you would be able to take a 'jokey (affectionate) insult'

Class mouse is just horrible.

HelenaDove · 15/07/2015 19:58

OP thats awful. Im willing to bet some teachers are in awe of the "popular crowd" too.

jenenberry · 15/07/2015 20:00

I really think it is a bit feeble to be so fragile at 16.

Wow.
Words fail me. I hope you never go into teaching with that attitude.

albertcamus · 15/07/2015 20:02

noblegiraffe as a fellow teacher, I'm quite disgusted with the tone of your posts on this thread. There's no need to be so rudely dismissive of the OP's concerns & upset about her daughter's humiliation and the ongoing taunting she is receiving, even if you do find it acceptable.

As for your comments about 'line management structure', discouraging the OP from discussing the situation with the Head, I'm glad to say that the Head I work for would be annoyed NOT to know about this kind of nonsense in his school.

sweetgrape · 15/07/2015 20:06

Not just my opinion Soapbox I've never known anyone take offence at being called chatterbox, most would agree. The Ops daughter was deliberately made to feel small, it was a horrible thing to say. You sound incredibly insensitive to not realise this. It "depends on the context it was being said and who was saying it?? the confident popular girls were saying it, and saying it to an under confident quiet girl. What context did you think she'd take it in?

Fizrim · 15/07/2015 20:10

Ber did you miss the part where everyone else was laughing at the girl - she wasn't laughing at herself?

The certificate was bad enough, but the after effects (squeaking) would mean I'd be going after the ineffectual teacher with both barrels - and whoever he reports to as well.

Don't send a thank you card, how about a certificate for him? Teacher whose pupils are most likely to be bullied in his presence? No envelope either.

I hope your daughter has a good summer, and meets up with some lovely newbies in sixth form.

noblegiraffe · 15/07/2015 20:11

Bollocks, albert, I never said it was acceptable. I said that the OP should email the teacher or the head of year depending on whether it was a tutor or year event.

And I'm surprised that your head would want to deal with minor stuff, micromanaging is poor management for one, and they have a billion other things keeping them busy that only they can deal with, for another.

fitnessforlife · 15/07/2015 20:20

Soo..the teacher was there whilst this ridiculous certificate was being presented, the whole class laughing at OP's DD, and couldn't see how a 16 girl would feel humiliated by this? what a shame OP's DD didn't think of collecting the certificate then tearing it to pieces infront of the whole class before walking out.
Things like this always remind me of that awful movie 'Carrie'.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/07/2015 20:21

"I really think it is a bit feeble to be so fragile at 16"

I tell you what, I hope nobody that you know or love ever suffers from anxiety, low self esteem or depression MayPolist. I can just imagine the empathetic and kind support you would give them Hmm

OP I'm sorry there are such insensitive comments on this thread.

And more than anything I hope your DD has a great summer and can find some kinder, more mature people at sixth form. These girls sound vile as do some people on this thread