To be annoyed about this school event?

[eliza1960]

My eldest DD (Year 11) is quite upset over something that happened at school. Her form group is full of very loud, strong characters and she is a quiet girl who just gets on with things. Out of school she is more outgoing, does drama/ theatre as a hobby but she can be quite shy around the louder girls at school.

This week the form teacher let the leaders of the form organise a prize giving for the end of year 11. DD says it's a group of the more popular girls who organised and led this event.

They presented every person with a certificate related to their personality/ interests. Things like 'chatterbox of the year', 'most caring', 'sports mad' etc. they called DD's name and presented her with her certificate of 'class mouse'. She said she felt embarrassed as the rest of the class were laughing at her as she went to get it and she felt it wasn't meant in a nice way. It was done in front of lots of people and I think she found it humiliating as it was done to mock her for being quiet.

She's been quite tearful about it which isn't like her. I think she's also disappointed as she would have liked a certificate to keep that reflected her true personality (something nice about her, like how friendly she is or her drama interests, which these girls did know about. )

I feel that they have done it to be mean, as every other student received a certificate that was something positive. Class mouse is not something she wanted to be remembered as and she has even binned the certificate. She says that some of the other students have been making fun of her since, shouting 'mouse' and making squeaking noises at her.

I feel that she's spent years building up her confidence and self esteem only to have it knocked by this silly event, which her teachers allowed to happen without supervising what these girls were saying about their peers. The form teacher was even in the room when this happened and let the others laugh at her without intervening.

AIBU to feel annoyed about this?

your daughter has told you not to speak to the school about it.

so ignore people here telling you to speak to the teacher, head etc about it. if you do, you will undermine your daughter even more and destroy her confidence further

This post could've been me at your daughters age, even down to the award (I got most quiet!) I am much more confident, popular and chatty now. Leaving school and going to college was the best thing I done. I just never really fit in with any particular group, I had plenty of friends but not a firm set like others seemed to.

Just saying, it will get better!

YA NOT BU. This is horrible.

In your shoes I would complain. To the teacher and the head. But that is just me, I am dead gobby when I want to be! I would also make it clear I did not want any repercussions from this (the action or my complaint), just for it not to happen to someone else again, and for the behaviour of these girls towards your dd not to continue.

In your shoes I'd make it clear that I was complaining to do them a favour to show up what had happened and I would expect this to be handled sentiently so as not to relationships worse.

You do what you feel is right.

And, of course, your larger task is to continue to build up your lovely dd and give her the confidence she needs for the future. She sounds great and she needs to know these girls are small-minded pratts!

Best of luck.

Ill thought out, but probably an accurate descriptor of what your DD is like in school. I don't think mouse is offensive, but it probably feels that way at 16. You can't expect her to get awards from her classmates that recognise her drama interests when she doesn't do those with them!

YANBU, that's horrible.

Ds had this in sixth form,I think because they were more mature they were perhaps a bit more sensitive as to who was given which award. I don't think the teachers censored them though. FWIW ds got most likely to be an alcoholic,most likely to be a major criminal and best bum. Thankfully he's neither an alcoholic nor a criminal, no idea about his bum though.

I've got the Taylor Swift song "Mean" running through my head while reading this thread. Why are the popular girls so often bitchy?

Do people really bother the head of a secondary school with this sort of minor incident? Bloody hell, who would want to be a head?

Sorry posted too soon,I'd be upset for your dd too and would raise it with school, it's incredibly unkind and insensitive and the teachers need to ensure it doesn't happen again.

Your poor daughter.
This is what happens when you let the popular motormouths (children or adults) organize things. They trample all over people, in order to make themselves look good.
I bet those girls gave themselves 'positive' comments.

One way to approach things with your daughter so she can see it as a learning experience is,
You could explain to her that unfortunately, there are some characters in life who will often try to degrade others in order to make themselves (who are lacking in some way) look better. And when a person comes across this type of behavior, the person is to be pitied.

There is even possibly a bit of jealousy involved - towards your daughter.
Sad isn't it? That they behaved in this way.

The teacher should have checked the comments. There is no way on earth that 'class mouse' is a compliment.

scatterthenuns it's clearly meant to be offensive so I think it is unwise to suggest it is also accurate!

noblegiraffe to be aware! If school sanctions things in school time or on school premises they should know what happens. School should be an affirming experience for kids, when it is not, the school should be aware.

I disagree that it is so obviously supposed to be hurtful. I agree, that those suggestions are kinder ways of saying 'quiet' or 'wallflower', but mouse doesn't have the same nasty connotations as say, pig or cow. I think it would be wrong to assume it was bitchiness and not thoughtlessness when we do not know the girls involved - we only know the OP's biased opinion of them.

Obviously was supposed to be italics, not a crossout. Apologies.

but why is being called the class mouse any more hurtful than, say, class chatterbox, class drama queen?

Because saying someone is a chatterbox or a drama queen usually has an affectionate feel to it.

''Ooh he's a right little chatterbox!'' said with a smile and a touch of pride at having a child that interacts so much.

''My dd is such a drama queen'' usually said with pride in the voice because drama queens are usually confident.

''My daughter is the class mouse'' Horrible.

italian why on earth do you think a head who has a budget of millions and a staff of over a hundred needs to be aware that a form tutor made a bad judgement call on a minor thing. They have staff to deal with that sort of thing. A line management structure.

That's your interpretation Jenen. Pretty much anything can seem a boast or a slur depending on the tone or intention of the user.

Chatterbox was never said to me as a joke or a boast.

When DD told me, I did think 'mouse' was thoughtless but the part I have an issue with was the way it was presented. From how she described it, the class were laughing at her, the girls who gave it to her were smirking and the name calling and mouse noises afterwards have come directly from that. It's the humiliation of someone who isn't particularly confident anyway that I find difficult to accept. She attended this expecting it to be a nice event and left feeling awful.

I know what teenage girls are like and I know they can be thoughtless. I won't be complaining to the head but I may just mention it as s casual observation in a thank you card like some of you have suggested.

Yanbu! Your poor DD. I was like her at school and suffered for it. They are nasty bullies. How can anyone think that calling somebody a mouse and then squeaking at them isn't meant in a nasty way?? Yes, they are 16. Old enough to treat others with respect. I agree the teacher was at fault though. I second the suggestion of a quick email to suggest that the exercise is not repeated next year...

If it makes you feel better by all means have a word with school to mention that staff thoughtlessness and irresponsibility has caused your DD this stress, hopefully it won't happen to another poor child. I would have been really annoyed too OP.

However, I think the main thing you and with your help DD need to do is to look at the quiet mouse thing differently. You must not see it as a negative thing, this is something it took me and DH a long time to learn but when she learns it she will have learnt a valuable lesson. Perhaps a look at this book might help:_

www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-power-introverts-world-talking/dp/0141029196

Since when is quiet not a good thing? Who wants to live me gobby loud mouths all day, it would drive me insane! Tell her her character traits are perfectly lovely and anyone who has an issue with that is the one with the problem, this might take some convincing but you'll get there I'm sure.
I hope she feels better soon.

Calling someone the class mouse isn't "thoughtless" IMHO - that's a special kind of Mean Girl deliberate jibe thing going on there. Why do you think the whole class was laughing? Poor DD. Give her a hug from me.

My daughter has the dubious honour of being awarded 'Most likely to lose her driving licence'.........I'm hoping that's it's because she is still really cautious rather than has suddenly started driving around like a maniac.

My daughter has the dubious honour of being awarded 'Most likely to lose her driving licence'.........I'm hoping that's it's because she is still really cautious rather than has suddenly started driving around like a maniac.

I would complain.
I teach.
I also have a 16 year old who would be mortified.
Tough. It's my job as a mother to protect my children from avoidable bullying and this is what this appalling charade is - an opportunity for Queen Bee and her mates to be unpleasant.
The teacher is inadequate.