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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour shoving his garden waste into my garden

181 replies

Bluebell66 · 14/07/2015 21:48

There is a gap under the fence between me and my neighbour. It's his fence. He keeps pushing garden waste, clippings, clumps of dead grass etc, under the fence into my garden. I have tried blocking up the gap with bricks, and he just pushes them out the way. I can't talk to him as he's an aggressive bully. I know he's doing it on purpose. What can I do about it and AIBU to let it bother me?

OP posts:
MokunMokun · 16/07/2015 05:30

It doesn't sound trivial at all. I understand that you feel like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I do think a chat with the police just to get some advice is the way to go. It already sounds like things are escalating.

I think it's better to chat with the police rather than sending a friend over.

Original poster
Bluebell66 · 16/07/2015 05:36

Thank you Mokun, I really appreciate that. Thank you for your support. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I will definitely have to sell my home at some point, and reporting my neighbour to the police, and then having to declare it, could render my home unsaleable. I wouldn't buy a property if I knew the current owners had had to go to the police about him. I'm not sure many people would.

OP posts:
dirtycarpet · 16/07/2015 05:53

I think you need to hire a hit man.

I'm sure the other neighbours will happily chip in with the cost to.

Maybe set up a go find me page and link it here.

Your neighbour is an utter arsehole!

Original poster
Bluebell66 · 16/07/2015 06:39

Don't put ideas into my head Dirty! I may well do so!

OP posts:
Trickydecision · 16/07/2015 06:41

You have already involved the council over the issue of his cutting foliage at the back of your house and this, I believe, would have to be mentioned when you come to sell, so you might as well involve the police as well.

Original poster
Bluebell66 · 16/07/2015 06:47

Thanks for that Tricky, all useful information.

OP posts:
cedricsneer · 16/07/2015 06:48

What a horrible bully. I'm sorry. I agree - call the police. At least the non emergency number for some advice. Or alternatively plant some giant hogweed for him next time he pokes something through the fence.

Original poster
Bluebell66 · 16/07/2015 07:03

I haven't heard of giant hogweed Cedric, but I'm going to look into it. You're the seven person to suggest that. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebell66 · 16/07/2015 07:07

Sorry, second not seven

OP posts:
TheCatsMother99 · 16/07/2015 07:07

Yes to Hogweed but don't let your DC get access to it!

That man is evil, I feel so angry for you.

Original poster
Bluebell66 · 16/07/2015 07:09

He is Cats, and I really appreciate your support. It means so much. My DC are old enough not to touch anything, is it harmful to cats though do you know?

OP posts:
MsMcWoodle · 16/07/2015 07:13

So sorry about all of this. Seriously, I think you should contact a lawyer about what has to be declared about neighbour disputes when you sell a house.
Lawyers will probably give this information for free, and then inform you of how you can take it further.
I'm sorry to say it, but you may need to sell the house. Selling by auction may not be the best option as prices may be lower.
This guy seems to have a personality disorder and may not respond to any intervention in a predictable manner.
All the very best to you.

FifiLeBoo · 16/07/2015 07:15

Black widow bitch?!?

Is he married? Next time you see him tell him you met his wife in town and the two of you had a long interesting chatWink

Original poster
Bluebell66 · 16/07/2015 07:26

MsMcWoodle, thank you so much for your good advice and support. I think that's what I'm going to do. I need to know exactly where I stand before I do anything further. Yes Fifi, that's what he called me. I am still grieving the tragic loss of my precious DH. He couldn't have said anything worse to me. I feel violated. I think it would have been easier to take if he'd physically attacked me. I've been awake all night as I just can't get his words and his angry red face out of my head. It makes me feel physically sick. Yes, he is married. Why couldn't he have just asked me to move the bricks like any normal, rational person? But then he's not normal, or rational. He's a vile, aggressive bully who gets his kicks from harassing and intimidating people weaker and more vulnerable than himself, hence the reason he's picked on young kids before.

OP posts:
MsMcWoodle · 16/07/2015 07:27

To be clear, not everything has to be declared. I had to look into this myself a long time ago, but I can't remember the details. I do remember that quite a lot of stuff you can do doesn't need to be declared.

shockthemonkey · 16/07/2015 07:36

Oh my god bluebell I have just rtft and feel so very sorry for you, and furious with your ndn. Please accept a huge hug... and I do urge you to talk to either police or cab. I know it will be hard to take this step but you are owed some help by the universe right now xx

ollieplimsoles · 16/07/2015 07:45

Ive followed this thread from the beginning and I have to have say that your updates have been truly shocking bluebell. I would be terrified to live next to a person like that..he sounds like a public menace to me as well as other people have had trouble with him.

You mentioned you get on well with the other neighbours, is it possible to have some sort of meeting at one of your houses away from him, to discuss his behaviour towards everyone and establish some solidarity against him.

I would be very intimidated by his threats to shoot animals and his reference to time in the army, he sounds unhinged and could become violent. I also suffer from anxiety and I know too well the vicious circle you get into of wanting to do something but worrying about the repercussions irrationally. Taking that first step is the hardest though, and you really need to contact the police

Original poster
Bluebell66 · 16/07/2015 07:48

Thank you MsMcWoodle. That's really helpful.

I hope you're right shock - things can't get any worse, and I just seem to keep getting more and more hassle. I'm literally at breaking point. My DC are so strong, but they will have their limits too. They were both so upset yesterday. I hate him with a passion for doing this to us on top of what we're already going through. I don't say that lightly, I've never hated anyone before. We all just need some peace and to be left alone, but I fear he's one of those people that are untouchable. He knows exactly what he can and can't get away with and he will just deny all this. I have no proof, it's just my word against his, and I don't know if I've got the strength to fight it. I will gladly accept your hug, I need it more than you know xx

OP posts:
MiaowTheCat · 16/07/2015 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Bluebell66 · 16/07/2015 07:51

Ollie, thank you so much for your reply. You seem to understand exactly how I feel. I am just caught up in a cycle of wanting him to get his come uppance and leave us alone, but I'm terrified to do anything for fear of making it worse. He still seems to think he is in the army and yes, I agree with you 100%, he is unhinged. That's why my precious DH told me before he passed away to never engage with him. I feel I've let him down by losing my temper and shouting at him yesterday. I feel such a failure.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebell66 · 16/07/2015 07:54

The neighbour the other side has a comprehensive log of everything he's done to them Miaow, and they think he's more than likely already on police file somewhere. I have just started writing everything down, it's clearing my head a little. That's very good advice. Thank you so much. Wishing you all the best xx

OP posts:
Phoenix0x0 · 16/07/2015 07:56

blue please please call the police.

He has threatened and verbally abused both you and your DC. He also using bullying tactics, with not just you but everyone.

The fact that he has pointed his CCTV camera at your propety is very worrying.

Flowers
ollieplimsoles · 16/07/2015 07:59

You're not a failure bluebell, these circumstances are enough to push anyone over the edge. But you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. I suggest you start video taping his behaviour, when you see it back and especially show it to other people, you see just how serious it is and might have more strength to go to the police.

Think about your poor dc too, by getting some authorities involved and taking steps to get this guy punished, you are teaching them how to deal with bullies, to not be beaten down, and just how resilient you are in the face of all this. It will teach them a valuable life lesson that your DH would be proud of, and help keep them safe.

TheCatsMother99 · 16/07/2015 08:00

Not sure about hogweed and cats. I had a quick google and nothing sprang up so assuming it's ok.

Hogweed it is then! ????

yellowdinosauragain · 16/07/2015 08:01

He is a bullying cunt. People like this who pick on and intimidate someone vulnerable really boil my piss.

Definitely call the police. I'd be paying him for harassment after his behaviour and criminal damage for him ruining your shrubs. Chase up the council too.

I understand you don't feel strong enough for any of this. Any chance your friend could do it for you? Bullies like this will continue until you show them you are stronger and won't be intimidated. Given you don't feel strong at the moment you need help, whether that's from a friend or preferably the police. Good luck