Neighbour shoving his garden waste into my garden

[Bluebell66]

There is a gap under the fence between me and my neighbour. It's his fence. He keeps pushing garden waste, clippings, clumps of dead grass etc, under the fence into my garden. I have tried blocking up the gap with bricks, and he just pushes them out the way. I can't talk to him as he's an aggressive bully. I know he's doing it on purpose. What can I do about it and AIBU to let it bother me?

You poor thing - what a horrible man. Some people have no empathy whatsoever and he is playing on the fact you are on your own.

Do you have anyone (friends/family) who could come round and look at the fence and what could be done as far as blocking it up.

The trouble is - it's like a game to him probably. If you fight fire with fire, he could allege absolutely anything. You can't put mousetraps or acid or anything like that down, because next minute you are in court for assault on him. I'm sorry, this probably isn't helping but I am just being realistic and I know someone who was harrassed out of a home. She was a young girl with her first flat, I won't bore anyone with the story, but needless to say, the man is still there and she isn't.

I think you have two choices. If you go to the Police which is the right thing to do, I'm afraid it does have to be declared on legal forms when you come to the sell the house. So, bottom line is, are you strong enough to battle it out, stay where you are, go the Police route, OR before it escalates you could put your house on the market and quietly move without, at the moment, declaring anything because you haven't confronted him or taken it further. Of course, that is not fair, but I'm being realistic.

I'm so so sorry for you, nightmare neighbours like him should be made to live on a rock in the middle of the ocean.

Do you have any support for how you are feeling, this is such a nightmare situation and I can imagine how it is playing on your mind. Behaviour like this becomes all consuming and it rules your life. I speak from experience here.

Thank you Jenni - I appreciate that.

Dear Roussette - thank you so much for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear you've had similar problems. Your home is supposed to be a place of peace and security, not somewhere where you are bullied and intimidated. I really appreciate your honesty and support. I totally agree with you, he gets a massive kick out of upsetting me. I know him and can read him like a book. That's why part of me doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he's getting to me, but another part of me thinks why should he get away with behaving like this. Sadly, moving isn't an option at the moment for financial reasons following the loss of my DH, and my DD is still at school. I think I'm going to get someone to put a permanent barrier in my side of the fence and hope this puts an end to it, but I know deep down, if I stop this particular thing, he will just move onto something else and find another way to intimidate and upset me. I have just started CBT to help with my anxiety, depression and my grieving. I am hopeful it will help, but it is early days.

I feel for you Bluebell I really do. I am glad you are understanding what people like this are really like, sadly yes he is probably getting a kick out of it and I am sure you are torn between quietly not showing how much he is getting to you and fighting it. I just don't know what the best answer is.

People who bully those that they consider are weaker than them are absolute scum. I have no answers Bluebell but looking at the bigger picture, just imagine what it is like to be him - a sad sorry nasty individual who gets off on bullying and intimidating vulnerable people, nasty inside and out. A horrible person who will not lead a nice life in the future. He may be cock of the walk now but it won't last. Whereas you are obviously a kind caring person with a good soul who will in time get over this and have a wonderful caring life with your children.

I hope your CBT helps, I wish I could help more. Stay strong

Can you post a photo of your fence? It only needs to show a little of it - the bottom bit? If you are able it would probably be very easy to sort this out yourself - if you post a photo we can tell you how.

CCTV. - your neighbour is not allowed to point a camera at your house, you can call 101

Razor wire - some councils will take action and insist that you neighbour removes any razor wire or barbed wire.

Does your neighbour do anything else apart from pushing things under the fence? If he is waging a war of intimidation against you the police may be interested.

Dear Roussette - thank you so much for your kind, caring words. They mean the world to me. For a long time now, I have felt the whole world is against me, and your support means everything. He is a horrible, nasty, aggressive man. I've been through so much, and still am. I really don't want a bastard like him to break me now. Before he passed away, my DH told me not to engage with him on any level as he was well aware of what he was like. I try and keep this in mind when I want to go round and bang on his door and tell him what I think of him. It wouldn't achieve anything though. He would revel in seeing me upset. Hugs xx

I will try and post a picture Does, I think I'm going to get someone to cement in a small barrier, log rolls or something, my side, so he can't move it. If I notice the camera pointing my way again, I will report it.

I think it's a good idea to try and write everything down. Keep note of dates and take photos.

Yes, to writing everything down. Document it everyday (it's quite cathartic to write it down anyway!) Even go back to the beginning and document it.

How sad bluebell that even your DH knew this and said not to engage. What we'd really like to do (kick him with steelcapped boots in the goolies very hard ) and what we can do are two different things. Keep saying what you have said in your last post "I don't want a bastard like him grinding me down" . I think from your posts you know what you are up against and staying calm and rational about it although not easy is the way to go.

Sorry to hear you are having to go through this and for the loss of your DH.

We went through something similar with a previous next door (but one) neighbour. Our back gardens were open plan so they were forever coming into our garden, throwing rotten fruit at my washing, taking my washing down and throwing it on the floor, shouting abuse at me and other such nonsense. I am lucky enough to still have my DH but I had just had a baby and had a string of life changing events, which led to me suffering from severe anxiety and depression so your post really struck a chord.

Definitely get CCTV you can angle it so it doesn't point into his garden just at the border between the 2 houses. We got ours quite cheaply from the internet and it worked through the WiFi. The CCTV stopped the worst of the harassment.

We also had to call 101 after a couple of incidents where they were threatening towards us. We were given a reference number and the police spoke to them on one occasion. Once they knew we had reported them things calmed down.

Good luck and don't let that nasty little bully get you down. xx

You're in an awful situation Bluebell and I want to add my support. Sorry to read about your husband passing.

I have a question - if you have a dispute and then bring it to the attention of the police it has to be declared when it comes to selling the property, did the previous owners of your house not have similar issues with this neighbour and how did they not have to declare it or is that a recent thing (i.e. since you moved in the rules have changed)?

If you're worried about getting the police involved, think of it this way. If your late husband was still around, he'd be dealing with your neighbour. The police are working in place of your husband, giving you the support that you need to sort this out so not a bad thing and actually a good thing if it puts a stop to this once and for all.

I'd recommend putting up some sort of permanent barrier at this point on the fence on your side and then take photos (make sure they are dated). Then regularly take photos of the situation if it changes or if there are other things he starts doing. Build up a diary of 'events' that this person does. Then approach the police with all your information and see what they say. It's harder to dismiss a situation if you have photographic evidence of it and especially if it can be shown to have been going on for some time.

Best of luck getting this sorted.

I'm so sorry you are going through this op.
I have anxiety and have had bad neighbours so know a little of what you are feeling.
Your post of what your dh told you made me cry, I bet your horrible neighbour has never had a loving relationship like you had,

I was harrassed out of a house a few years ago, it was awful and dh ended up in hospital it got so bad. He was in a mental health unit for six weeks.
Bastards.
I understand you not wanting to involve the police, but do take care. You need to do what's best for you and your dc and sod upsetting the bastard neighbour. I do hope it resolves soon.

have you tried a mousetrap?

I've got two small terriers you can borrow, they love nipping at fingers poked through spaces

If he's taking CCTV of you then it could definitely be worth going onto the Information Commisioners website; they have very clear regulations about the use of CCTV footage and what legal rights you have over images of you.

I'd also speak to the Police as I think you are being harassed by him, or maybe drop in to your local Citizens Advice for some further info on dealing with anti social behaviour (which this probably counts as).

What he's doing is harassment - definitely call 101. Under the circumstances they definitely won't think you're wasting their time.

I know it's hard but he sounds like a complete arse hole who gets his kicks from picking on people who he doesn't think will fight back. If you block up the hole, surely he'll just do something else instead? Tell the Police, tell them you're scared and vulnerable. They will help; it's what they're there for. So sorry for everything you've been through

Also meant to add - I have experienced similar many years ago. My dad died when I was a child and we had some awful neighbours who had always kept their heads down (with us at least) because my dad was always very confident and vocal about not taking any shit from them.

When he died they started trying to make my mum's life hell and were complete bastards to her, just because they could. In the end she got a solicitor to send them a warning letter re harassment. It did work and things quietened down for a while. But she never really felt happy living there and moved in the end

I had similar issues with my neighbours and like you was worried involving the police would antagonise them. It really was worth it though, it took several visits but whatever they said to them, it worked. I haven't had any trouble for about 6 months now. I still can't really use my lovely garden (because they watch me out there) but they leave me alone and I feel much safer.

Best of luck. Talk to your community police officer.

Invest in a well-grown thorny plant and place it just at the gap in the fence. We had a similar problem years ago when my mother-in-law died and her house was empty whilst it was being sold. It was a long drive from where we lived so could only visit occasionally to keep an eye on the place. One time we went we found that the next door neighbour had been tipping grass cuttings, hedge clippings and other garden rubbish into mother-in-law's garden. In those days I didn't say boo to a goose, so just silently fumed about it. Nowadays I wonder why we didn't just take the lot and just dump to on their front doorstep!

Put a load of razor wire in the gap so when he tries to push the stuff through his hand gets shredded

Thank you so much everybody. Your support means the world. Good question Watchamacallit - I don't know the answer to that. The couple we bought off were shady characters, so probably just lied.

Everything has changed this morning. I came home and heard loud banging in the back garden. He was violently bashing the bricks I had placed, several inches away from the fence, back into my garden. I am embarrassed to say I lost it completely at this point. I shouted at him to leave my fucking garden alone. He called me a black widow bitch and started going on about the "boundary". I had placed the bricks well within my side of the fence. I now feel extremely ill. I have a splitting headache and can't stop shaking. My DS is scared to live here anymore. I am just afraid if I report it to the police, I will have to declare it when I come to sell the house. Who's going to want to buy a house when the present owner has gone to the police about the neighbour? It could render my house worthless. I hate myself for losing it with him this morning. I've played right into his hands which he loves. He's a pathetic school playground bully. I am at breaking point.

Blue sorry to hear that

I wouldn't blame yourself for shouting at him like that; anybody would be pushed to breaking point. I thought you only had to declare if you had taken legal action against a neighbour, and it might not have to come to that. It would be worth calling 101 for advice anyway and just see what they could do. You could also call Citizens Advice and see if they suggest anything - they could also advise re what you have to declare.

Whatever happens, this can't carry on - your mental health is more important

Phone the police.
Don't wait another minute, just phone them now. Use the non-emergency number to contact them on but do it. It's affecting your health (both physical and mental) and you have the right to live in peace in your own property.
Unless you're planning on selling before he does, would it matter that you've reported him? Surely if he sells up first or keels over after some strenuous activity then the onus is on him to behave better, right???

You have the law on your side. He doesn't. Simple as that.

Sometimes you can take on a bully yourself and deal with it by rising above it. Sometimes, it takes someone bigger, stronger, and with more power than the bully to put the bully back in their box and tell them what is what.

Make that phone call. It'll be the best thing you ever do.

I second the shit. I keep rabbits and when my nuts neighbours started aggressively pruning the weeds that poke through from my side to their's , (council promised a new fence from their antisocial neighbours' budget, then ran out of money, but told me to leave the nettles there so I'd have some privacy!) I just moved my shit pile. They're welcome to scrabble around in it.