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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childcare for SAHM

109 replies

Lezprechaun · 14/07/2015 17:04

I am a full time uni student (vocational course so full time placement hours) and my partner is a SAHM.

The elder children are in full time school and at present we pay for the youngest (3 years) to attend nursery part time so that my partner has time to catch up on household chores, visit friends etc.

This has worked fine for the last 12 months and we can afford these fees however we are now saving up for a mortgage deposit and so I've suggested that we reduce nursery hours to the 15 free hours and stop paying more so the money can be used to benefit the whole family instead by getting our own house sooner.

Partner thinks I an unreasonable and would like to continue the nursery hours as they are.

What does everyone else think? AIBU to think while childcare for a SAHM is a nice privilege it shouldn't take priority if money is needed elsewhere?

OP posts:

JadedAngel · 14/07/2015 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaniceJoplin · 14/07/2015 17:09

How many hours childcare do you use then ?

NerrSnerr · 14/07/2015 17:11

How many hours is the 3 year old in nursery? I think it's fair to reduce to 15 hours.

Starlightbright1 · 14/07/2015 17:12

Where are you saving money from if you are full time student and DP is SAHM ? is there some compromise...

I did one long day and did wrap around care followed by three 3 hour days..

GloGirl · 14/07/2015 17:13

15 hours seems reasonable to me.

JaniceJoplin · 14/07/2015 17:13

Yes not many students can get a mortgage, you need quite a bit of serious income no ?

chocbacktochoc · 14/07/2015 17:16

he still gets 15h of free time. I thought the point of a Sahm would be to not pay for childcare?

Original poster

Lezprechaun · 14/07/2015 17:16

I am in uni / placement 5 days most weeks so she is a complete SAHM. Needs to be a SAHM as my shifts include nights etc. and change with short notice. She also wants to be a SAHM.

Youngest currently does 2 days a week at nursery but as its all year round it means we pay one full day and get one funded.

Money being saved / paying nursery fees is from student bursery / loans plus CTC etc. no other income as neither of us are 'employed'.

Hope I've answered everything.

OP posts:

ineedausername · 14/07/2015 17:16

I'm a SAHM to a 3 & 4 year old. Both attend pre school for 4 mornings, so we don't even use all our 'free' hours. That's certainly enough time for me to keep the house clean and tidy, ironing, shopping etc. pretty much everything I see as my 'job'. I also manage to help out an elderly relative and do Avon. To me, it's sounds like your partner has had it pretty easy and doesn't want that to change!

Original poster

Lezprechaun · 14/07/2015 17:17

Mortgage will be on graduation once I'm employed but in current housing market we will need a sizeable deposit so am saving as much as possible, as early as possible.

OP posts:

morelikeguidelines · 14/07/2015 17:17

Yanbu.

janice's suggestion re her working is a good one too.

Also struggling with the fact that she/ you must get 15 hours free and that this would seem to be enough to catch up on housework etc.

Sirzy · 14/07/2015 17:19

I think if you don't need the childcare, and you can't really afford it/need the money elsewhere then dropping to the 15 hours makes sense.

NerrSnerr · 14/07/2015 17:19

15 hours is more than enough for her to get stuff done. Sounds like she has it quite easy.

DoJo · 14/07/2015 17:23

Also, surely she has the other two at home during the holidays, so how much help can the holiday-time nursery care really be? Surely using the 15 free hours in term time makes more sense than paying for holiday care when her options will be limited either way.

JadedAngel · 14/07/2015 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spartans · 14/07/2015 17:25

Yanbu full days at nursery are not needed to keep up to house work. Use the free option unless she wants to start earning obey to pay for which will them defeat the object.

2 free days a week sounds great. No wonder she doesn't want to loose it

RiverTam · 14/07/2015 17:26

Presumably she has the school aged ones in the holidays do what difference does it make having the younger one as well? 15 hours is fine in term time.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/07/2015 17:26

Is there a local provider who can do just the 15 hours? This is often easier said than done. Perhaps you could investigate this for your wife since you're the one who wants to make the change.

JaniceJoplin · 14/07/2015 17:29

Your partner currently has 2 days per week childcare for your youngest, plus other children before and after school, evenings, some nights and weekends as you are studying / working to get a qualification?

I can see that moving to just 1 day per week childcare would leave your partner with hardly any 'me-time' at all, if you are not around to help with the other children when other dads might be (on nights for example).

I was thinking she may have 3 hours free, 5 days per week, so gets regular time to herself. But, as the childcare is concentrated and was reduced to 1 day per week, well, I can see that she could be thinking, any sort of me-time will vanish and she will have to spend her day 'off' cleaning ? I can see her pov here.

The key is that both of you need time to yourselves and that should be equal. It sounds like you are burning both ends tbh and all the childcare is falling to her ?

PtolemysNeedle · 14/07/2015 17:31

I agree with you that at three years old, fifteen hours is enough, but you might not be able to take just that in a nursery that is open all year round. And you'd probably want to up the days in the couple of terms before starting school anyway.

Tbh though, while you are right that being a SAHM is a nice privilege, so is being a student when you have children to pay for (and another adult to support), so I'm not sure you're in a position to be able to push too hard on this one.

Starlightbright1 · 14/07/2015 17:34

I think you need to find a way to divide it better than one full day a week.. Can I ask can you take the children or child out to give her time to catch up with the cleaning ... Does the 3 year old still nap? if LO did mornings she could do the cleaning while they nap?

There is something wrong with the maths here too year round is 12 hours a week so is 2 9-3 days an option?

Jollyphonics · 14/07/2015 17:40

YANBU. It sounds like she's having an easy time. Does she not appreciate the need to save money?

fourtothedozen · 14/07/2015 17:41

I think you are expecting too much from life.

Honestly. Neither of you work, you have at least 3 kids, you get free childcare you are studying, and presumably get free, housing - yet you are still able to save for a mortgage and your OH feels she wants more time so she can visit friends.

Time to accept a little more responsibility.

Sometimesjustonesecond · 14/07/2015 17:44

I think yabu unless you are willing to give up some of your study/leisure time in order to enable her to have some time to herself.

Yes she wants to be a sahp, which is great because in reality she doesn't have a choice given your shifts.

rollonthesummer · 14/07/2015 17:52

I agree.

If you don't have enough money-paid childcare is a luxury you can't afford.

Also, plenty of people don't get regular 'me time' if it costs money they don't have. Can't you sort it between you so that it happens at the weekends? I saw plenty of friends when on maternity leave-with my kids and theirs!? That's half the fun of being at home.

Can't the youngest have the free sessions of nursery across the week during term time?

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