Childcare for SAHM

[Lezprechaun]

I am a full time uni student (vocational course so full time placement hours) and my partner is a SAHM.

The elder children are in full time school and at present we pay for the youngest (3 years) to attend nursery part time so that my partner has time to catch up on household chores, visit friends etc.

This has worked fine for the last 12 months and we can afford these fees however we are now saving up for a mortgage deposit and so I've suggested that we reduce nursery hours to the 15 free hours and stop paying more so the money can be used to benefit the whole family instead by getting our own house sooner.

Partner thinks I an unreasonable and would like to continue the nursery hours as they are.

What does everyone else think? AIBU to think while childcare for a SAHM is a nice privilege it shouldn't take priority if money is needed elsewhere?

Really would love to know OP's partners reaction. Sorry to be cynical but this one sounds like a case of lazyitis. Either that or she isn't as committed to the children are OURS as OP thinks.

I'm a SAHM and I get 5 hours child free time a week in term time and see this as luxury. I easily manage deep clean housework, shopping etc in this time.

When I have youngest (2) all time I do struggle to keep my sanity & on top of things. But 2 mornings a week would be enough. Can your DP not lower hours for school hols?

I do think there is more to all of this & wonder what plan is when your youngest goes to school

Yanbu. 15 hours is enough time for chores and seeing friends- if your money is needed elsewhere then you are being sensible

It's very possible that a child with autism and ADHA severe enough to qualify for DLA puts more demands on care givers than an NT child.

In addition to managing the household and childcare, your dp is supporting you through your studies and related work.

I agree that the poster who says that giving the primary carer some respite by paying for a nursery place for the younger child is a valid use of DLA.

Also, that maybe now isn't the best time to be saving for a mortgage? Presumably your youngest will start school next year, so the need for childcare can be reviewed then.

Will you have qualified by then? This might be a better time to start saving for a mortgage deposit.

Those wanting to know partners reactions.

We had a chat about last night and I explained why I felt it should be reduced to free hours and while initially she didn't want to the only reason given for wanting to keep it was "no one would want to give up two days free".

Anyway she recognises that this is a luxury which we can't justify / afford at the moment and so has agreed to drop to 15 hours.

I suggested the 3 hours a day, 5 days a week but she dosnt want to trek back and forth to nursery daily, especially as most days she dosnt have the car. I also suggested 2 half days a week but she would prefer to have the one full day so that's what we will do. Going to give notice to nursery of the reduction tomorrow when she is next in.

By the way to those discussing paying nursery as respite for SN child. That I would understand if SN child was home and youngest at nursery to make caring for him easier. He goes full time school however (from September will be being collected and dropped off 8am-4.30pm) and the hours the youngest is in nursery is 8-4/5.

Anyway we have now reached an agreement so thank you all for your perspective.

Glad that you've reached an agreement.

I've done the traipsing back and forth to the school 3 times a day number, and I agree that it's grim and difficult to get stuff done in the short time that you get. Also restricts what you can do with the younger child when you have to be back at school by 3.30pm anyway.

You've made a choice about what you are doing with your time, and so has she. You have said that she needs to be a SAHM because of your shifts, which means you can't be reliable in childcare. If she wasn't a SAHM, then presumably you wouldn't be able to do your placements.

YABU. She's an equal partner, and gets to have a say in how she spends her time just as much as you do.

I would be careful...it takes a huge amount of sacrifice to be a stay at home mum in terms of self-development and earning potential. In many ways you have the best deal here - you need to remember that.

Paying nursery fees using loans and bursaries so your DP can visit friends and do housework sounds utterly bonkers. YANBU.