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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A school trip is over subscribed, a draw will take place, there's a possibility that only one twin will be picked.

204 replies

MyballsareSandy · 13/07/2015 19:39

AIBU to think that a set of twins should be counted as one in this situation? Or is that completely unfair on the rest of the class? I really can't make my mind up.

I don't want to say too much but it's a massive trip, we aren't talking about a day out. Ten days away abroad, long flight.

It hasn't happened yet so I'm possibly worrying about nothing, but if one is left out they'll be so upset. Year 9.

OP posts:
Yarp · 13/07/2015 20:24

Sorry just saw your post about siblings. It's not different.

And I agree with The TroubleWithAngels

Spartans · 13/07/2015 20:25

They have a 75% chance of being picked.

Speak to them see what they want to do. They may decide that if one doesn't get on the trip, neither will. Or may both decide to to take their name out.

Anything else is unfair.

Philoslothy · 13/07/2015 20:25

i think its stupid that in this day and age trips are oversubscribed why dont they start with the assumption the entire year will go and work from

This does not sound like your average run of the mill curriculum trip but an overseas one in which case the whole year group would never go anyway. It is a shame they can't take everyone who wants to go.

Yarp · 13/07/2015 20:26

And yes, if one gets it and the other doesn't, if it matters that much, then turn the place down. That seems fair

Hulababy · 13/07/2015 20:26

Ok what about behaviour, or kids that have been on other big trips, should that be taken into account rather than just picking out of a hat?

Having been on other trips - no, not taken into account
Behaviour - depends on school policy; it often is. But also depends on the behaviour, frequency level, if it has been addressed and sanctioned already, etc.

Notso · 13/07/2015 20:30

There are three sets of twins and triplets in DD's year as well as siblings born in the same school year and a boy with an auntie in the same year.
No way would it be fair if they all got preferential treatment.

VegasIsBest · 13/07/2015 20:30

This could be a good opportunity to have some one-to-one time with one kid at home, if only one is chosen. Make it a time to remember for both of them in different ways. The issue about numbers will be driven by staff ratios so your twins can't count as 'one'.

chutneypig · 13/07/2015 20:31

I've encouraged my twins from a very early age not to expect things simply because the other has some thing or experience. That said, a trip of this magnitude would be a step too far.

I agree the school can't make any adjustments, as that wouldn't be fair to the other children. So I would have to go for if only one was picked neither would go and telling them that in advance. But it's definitely difficult.

junebirthdaygirl · 13/07/2015 20:31

If one gets picked could ye plan big adventure for the other giving the first one a choice to opt out and join that one. Definitely don't have one going off to Hong-Kong and one sitting at home with mum. Chat before hand. Get them to face the possibility and see what they come up with. On my dds trip a young lad had saved up every penny himself, never been abroad and then due to some incident in school was pulled off the trip. It was a long haul one. He was devastated. In ds school l had a very strong feeling a few names never made it into the hat!

Hulababy · 13/07/2015 20:34

i think its stupid that in this day and age trips are oversubscribed why dont they start with the assumption the entire year will go and work from

They will never do that for expensive abroad trips, especially at secondary level. This is very common. It isn't always going to be possible to plan a trip for a full year group at secondary level where there will be possibly 200+ children in the year (often more) - to start with, you can't always fit that amount on one plane, let alone in one hotel/accommodation.

It is normal for such trips to set out that if oversubscribed, children will be selected at random (out of a hat, etc.)

Some schools choose to do it first come, first gets place. But this also has a lot of issues and is generally deemed as being less fair than the names out of hat system.

ghostyslovesheep · 13/07/2015 20:34

Or even siblings in different years, it is very different

why - it's the exact same situation - over subscribed trip - both want to go

Shetland · 13/07/2015 20:36

I'm a twin and this happened to us - though we were about 8 at the time I think. Names were put into the hat in pairs so Mum made it clear to us that unless we put our names in together then there was the chance that one of us would go and one get left at home. We chose to put our names in separately and sure enough, only one of us got to go.
If we can grasp that at 8 I'm sure your thirteen year olds can.
Perhaps if they can't face the idea of one going and one not then neither should put their names forward.
They are individuals and should be treated as such.

Hulababy · 13/07/2015 20:36

or even siblings in different years

What about siblings in the same year?

Stealthpolarbear · 13/07/2015 20:53

The only fair(ish) way to do it would be to pick half the names and allow each one picked to select a +1 :o

dotdotdotmustdash · 13/07/2015 20:55

My Dd left last weekend on a trip to somewhere very special - a once in a lifetime trip. There were 7 pupils selected from her school, all were interviewed and carefully chosen as this is a trip paid for by the government of the country they're visiting.

One 16yr old twin girl waved her sister off at the airport the other day and it didn't seem even remotely unreasonable. Many others were desperate to go but didn't get the chance so two from the same family would seem very unfair.

Wideopenspace · 13/07/2015 20:56

But stealth - what if the twin picked didn't pick the other twin as the +1 Shock

DoesItReallyMatter · 13/07/2015 20:57

The kids are 13 they are old enough to decide what to do themselves and that they are old enough to deal with their disappointment.

I don't understand why their potential dissapointment would be greater than another child. You could argue that a trip like this would be more of a big deal for children that don't have any siblings. You could also argue that it would be more important that a child that has been going through problems at home should go. I think it's very precious to think that there should be any preferential treatment for twins

kali110 · 13/07/2015 20:57

Shake- i immediately thought of that book!!

Why is it different?
Still siblings!
you've always fought for them to be individuals but not now for this?
Not all siblings even get along!!!
I knew someone who detested their sibling.
I have best friends who im closer to than my own family.
What about siblings who are not twins?
It isn't fair to want preferential treatment.

Stealthpolarbear · 13/07/2015 20:59

Then they have bigger problem s

Andrewofgg · 13/07/2015 21:08

Anything but random - special treatment for twins, same-year siblings, different-year siblings - will amount to damaging the chances for the onlies.

My DS is an only, and my sister is seven years my senior and we were never in the same school, so I have an interest here.

It would be grossly unfair. If you have more than one dog in the race you just have to accept that one might go and one not, and deal with the fallout. Or withdraw them both/all.

TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot · 13/07/2015 21:08

I'm a twin.

When we were in year 9 my twin went on a skiing trip with school. I didn't get to go. I don't think I was any more disappointed that any of the other children whose names weren't pulled out of the hat.

Lweji · 13/07/2015 21:12

I'd say that they decide. If one is not picked and they are too bothered, then the one who was picked could choose not to go and to both go at a different time together.
But it should be their initiative.

And certainly shouldn't be given preferential treatment to other students.

Stealthpolarbear · 13/07/2015 21:16

Am I the only one who is working out the maths? I have a degree in maths and work in a stats job but am ashamed to say I'm not sure

As it stands they have a just over half chance of both going (3/4 x 3/4, ignoring the 1 that needs to come off the numerator and denom)

If both were on the same slip there would be a 3/4 chance they'd both go (again, approx)

If the rule is draw one and both go then ...erm...I've lost it here.
Higher than 3/4 but what is it?

anyothergirl · 13/07/2015 21:18

I can see how this feels unfair but can't you use the situation as an opportunity and get the twins to decide how to deal with the possibility of one being chosen and the other being left behind? They are old enough to deal with this and the resulting feelings from either eventuality. Talk to them and let them decide either to pull out of the trip together, abide by the draw or to refuse a place if one fails to make the cut (maybe agree on some fun things/treats for the twin left behind in advance to soften the blow). So whatever happens, they agree on how to deal with it. You can't protect them from difficult situations or tough decisions, twins or not.

Stealthpolarbear · 13/07/2015 21:19

Get them to calculate it too and post on here Blush