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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A school trip is over subscribed, a draw will take place, there's a possibility that only one twin will be picked.

204 replies

MyballsareSandy · 13/07/2015 19:39

AIBU to think that a set of twins should be counted as one in this situation? Or is that completely unfair on the rest of the class? I really can't make my mind up.

I don't want to say too much but it's a massive trip, we aren't talking about a day out. Ten days away abroad, long flight.

It hasn't happened yet so I'm possibly worrying about nothing, but if one is left out they'll be so upset. Year 9.

OP posts:
TheTroubleWithAngels · 13/07/2015 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Apricota · 13/07/2015 20:10

Shockers I agree

Stealthpolarbear · 13/07/2015 20:10

So chances are high it will be fine

HermioneWeasley · 13/07/2015 20:10

Pulling names out of a hat is the fairest way. I suspect the other criteria you're suggesting would also benefit your sons?

TheTroubleWithAngels · 13/07/2015 20:11

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chickenfuckingpox · 13/07/2015 20:11

i think its stupid that in this day and age trips are oversubscribed why dont they start with the assumption the entire year will go and work from there?

in my experience very few parents miss those trips its usually my daughter and one other not going every dam time

Original poster
MyballsareSandy · 13/07/2015 20:11

can I just say again, they aren't joined at the hip at all, very separate interests, friends, classes ..... but this is very different. To compare it to friends or neighbours is just daft. Or even siblings in different years, it is very different.

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 13/07/2015 20:12

A euphemism for what? Random number generation or something fine but if you're saying the teachers just point at random that's a bit shocking

FurtherSupport · 13/07/2015 20:12

Ooh very tough one, but maybe at 13yo it's time they started to accept that things won't always be equal. One is likely to have a better job/richer husband than the other etc.

I don't understand all the people saying other children would be disadvantaged if they're treated as one though. It could just as well give the others an advantage, if the "one" name isn't picked and neither go.

If you feel strongly that it should be both or neither, then you need to decline the place, should only one be offered it.

MaryBerrysEyelashes · 13/07/2015 20:13

Chicken - the issue is the no of staff leaving school
the ratios are quite high

TheTroubleWithAngels · 13/07/2015 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stealthpolarbear · 13/07/2015 20:13

If they're on separate bit of paper but the rule is if either gets picked then both go, then their chances are doubled.

Pumpkinpositive · 13/07/2015 20:14

Even if both your twins are lucky enough to get their names drawn, other kids/parents may start moaning "oh, that's not fair, two kids from the same family get to go - it should be one ticket per family!"

Can't win 'em all.

FurtherSupport · 13/07/2015 20:14

I've often wondered just how "random" the names out of a hat thing is too. I'm sure there are some children whose names will never be picked. For the last one DS was involved in, they did say that behaviour would also be a factor.

Stealthpolarbear · 13/07/2015 20:14

Really angel? Scandal!

TheTroubleWithAngels · 13/07/2015 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryBerrysEyelashes · 13/07/2015 20:15

we always do it TOTALLY fairly.
we are always emailed suggesting we are liars

EVERY YEAR

Pumpkinpositive · 13/07/2015 20:16

To compare it to friends or neighbours is just daft. Or even siblings in different years, it is very different.

Why? I've known twins who hate each other. On the other hand, I've known friends and siblings who were practically joined at the hip.

I'm sure most people will have met someone - especially children - who have very intense friendships/bonds. Confused

Wideopenspace · 13/07/2015 20:16

Why is very different OP?

5 sets of twins in my Y9 group.

That would stack the odds, no?

Luckyfellow · 13/07/2015 20:17

I think you should take the opportunity to teach your twins to be happy for each other and others when something nice happens to them for not for themselves. I hate all this buying of presents for all siblings when a child has a birthday etc. Children need to know not everything is about them and that you can't be bitter about it.

PtolemysNeedle · 13/07/2015 20:18

I can see that it's different, and it's going to be a huge upset in your house if one does get to go but not the other. But it isn't different enough for it to make any difference to how it should be handled from the schools POV.

There must be loads of things like this that could happen over the course of a lifetime for twins where one is doing better than the other, with careers, relationships and all the usual things, and this is probably about the right age to start thinking about how you are going to handle it, and how to help them handle it well too.

SabrinnaOfDystopia · 13/07/2015 20:20

Well, I think YANBU OP. If they were my twins, I wouldn't want one going and not the other.

Very bad that such a lottery system has to happen though.

MajesticWhine · 13/07/2015 20:22

Another one to say YABU. The chances are good. The outcome will be fair. If the worst happens, then maybe the next time a trip comes up, maybe you could sign up only for the one who misses out this time?

Yarp · 13/07/2015 20:22

Other people have two children in the same school (different ages) and one will have a great time doing something while the other is not. You find a way to balance it.

Hulababy · 13/07/2015 20:24

Or even siblings in different years, it is very different.
Why is it so different?

We have a set of siblings in the same year group. They are very close (much younger though.)

I am sorry. To count them as one, but actually take up two places, is not fair on the other children.