Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A school trip is over subscribed, a draw will take place, there's a possibility that only one twin will be picked.

204 replies

MyballsareSandy · 13/07/2015 19:39

AIBU to think that a set of twins should be counted as one in this situation? Or is that completely unfair on the rest of the class? I really can't make my mind up.

I don't want to say too much but it's a massive trip, we aren't talking about a day out. Ten days away abroad, long flight.

It hasn't happened yet so I'm possibly worrying about nothing, but if one is left out they'll be so upset. Year 9.

OP posts:
RachelRagged · 13/07/2015 19:47

Well if one is picked and the other isn't that's just tough. Would be different if they were little children but they aren't . Not fair on the other children either ,

Spartans · 13/07/2015 19:47

I agree about the individuality, I'm usually the first to say that regarding twins, but this seems different.

So you want them to be treated individually until that doesn't suit you?

freezation · 13/07/2015 19:47

I have twins. Why should they be treated as one? They are two separate people, two separate places on the trip. Best friends might not get to go together. No one would say that was unfair. YABU but then I'm sure you know that.

milkmilklemonade12 · 13/07/2015 19:48

Are they able to put their names down for a different trip?

HerRoyalNotness · 13/07/2015 19:48

I think it would be vv difficult if one isn't picked and they watched the other swan off on the trip.

However if you said the one who was picked couldn't go, that would lead to resentment from that twin.

Hard, but I would let one go if the other wasn't picked. Life is not fair, life is a bit crap sometimes, but you just have to get on and accept that.

Hulababy · 13/07/2015 19:49

They've looked forward to this trip since start of secondary and it's the first year it's been over subscribed.

I can understand they may be disappointed. However, so will the other children in their year group though. They will have been looking forward to it too.

Katz · 13/07/2015 19:52

What if there were multiple sea of twins in a year? Even if they're the only one this year whatever happens this year sets the president for subsequent years?

There are at least 4 sets of twins in one year at my daughters primary school. I'd they all count as one then 8 places would go to 4 names. Very unfair.

SoupDragon · 13/07/2015 19:54

I think I would be pissed off if my child missed out because twins were given preferential treatment.

If you think a set of twins should be treated as one and they draw to see who doesn't go, do you think they should both miss the trip or do you only think they should be treated as one if they draw to see who goes?

Katz · 13/07/2015 19:54

And what of non-twin siblings in the same year group. DD has two brothers in her year, one who's birthday is in Sept and his brothers is the following Aug. Nearly 12 months apart but same school year

Each child counts as one regardless of family links. Fairest system

shakemysilliesout · 13/07/2015 19:55

You should all read double act by Jacqueline Wilson, you as much as your children would benefit.

BarbarianMum · 13/07/2015 19:56

Of course they should be counted as 2 people. They are 2 people. If they try out for a sports team or school play do they have to take both or neither?

MaryBerrysEyelashes · 13/07/2015 19:59

Totally reasonable I think for the school to treat them as two separate individuals.

The5DayChicken · 13/07/2015 19:59

This is just 'one of those things'. And one that a 13 year old probably won't like but should be capable of getting over.

Would you feel the same if they weren't twins but same year siblings? Best friends? Very close next door neighbours?

At a push, I'd sit them down in advance and ask them how they want to play it if only one gets picked.

TheHormonalHooker · 13/07/2015 20:01

They should be treated as individuals because they are individuals. If I found out my child had missed out on a school trip because one twin had been pulled out of the hat and they both got to go I would be majorly pissed off.

Apricota · 13/07/2015 20:01

It's a tough one, if one twin goes the other will know all about it and know where there are etc. a singleton child would not notice anyone missing when they wake up, breakfast, dinner, playing and so on through the the entire time.

Apricota · 13/07/2015 20:02

However if it happened. I would take my twins separately from the school.

WyrdByrd · 13/07/2015 20:02

At a push, I'd sit them down in advance and ask them how they want to play it if only one gets picked.

I think I'd go down this route tbh - it's really not fair to expect them to be treated as 'one' though I appreciate it's a potential PITA situation for you.

Stealthpolarbear · 13/07/2015 20:03

Ignoreme but what if that piece of paper is picked last?

TheTroubleWithAngels · 13/07/2015 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paulapompom · 13/07/2015 20:05

In year ten one of my twins went to eurodisney and the other stayed with me and we did some nice things. Her sister brought her back some nice soveniers. I will probably get flamedfor aallowing this as the opinion on her seems to be I should have said if only one gets picked neither go, and also for being a mum who 'bangs on' about my twins being individuals, but it worked for us.

Shockers · 13/07/2015 20:05

It would be really miserable for the twin who was left behind. He won't be able to avoid the build up, the fact that his brother is away doing exactly what he also wanted to do (no doubt with some of his friends), or the aftermath, with all the tales and anecdotes. I think that's a lot to expect a 13 yr old to deal with in good grace.

I'd perhaps talk to them about choosing a different trip.

BolshierAyraStark · 13/07/2015 20:07

Of course they can't be counted as one, how ridiculous. Why should every other child be disadvantaged to suit your circumstances?
They are two people, they are also individuals & should be treated as such.

Florriesma · 13/07/2015 20:08

I have 18 months between mine
Of course a singleton notices when another isn't there. What happens if it's oversubscribed next year, do you then have mums saying oh yes but ds went last year so you have to pick ds2 this year or he'll know what he's missing out on.

Then it will be the only children who don't go because they don't understand what they miss out on.

Fwiw I think you sit twins down and say that both names have been put forward but be prepared one or both may not go.if they can't cope with that thought then neither goes.

Original poster
MyballsareSandy · 13/07/2015 20:09

Ok it seems like i ABU Grin, it's practically unanimous!!

Perhaps my wording was wrong in my OP, I don't mean treated as one, rather that the teachers may be a little sympathetic. I do see that this isn't fair on the others though. Ok what about behaviour, or kids that have been on other big trips, should that be taken into account rather than just picking out of a hat?

220 kids in year, 30 places on trip, 40 have applied.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 13/07/2015 20:09

YABU if you think others' chances should be (marginally) less to protect your two. Tell them that they must take their chance like all the others.