To ask, how much are Mumsnetters owed in maintenence arrears?

[whothehellknows]

I know from previous threads that there are lots of us on MN with ExP's that do anything they can to avoid maintenence.

Last night in a fit of ire (because ExP who "can't afford to pay maintenence" told me about how he's looking to buy a fucking boat) I used the CMS calculator to double check how much he should have been paying all this time. In total, our kids have missed out on over £6000 in payments in two years. The number really shook me. I'm sitting here thinking how many times I've cried in desperation trying to make ends meet, worked overtime, sold my stuff and gone without to take care of my kids. What a difference that money could have made.

I know it's a broken record, but I can't help but think that lone parents would need a lot less help from the state if NRP's had to step up and pay for their kids.

So out of curiosity, more than anything else, I'm wondering how much mumsnetters have had to make do without-- I'm betting it's a mind blowing amount.

If your ex should be paying and isn't, how much has he managed to dodge?

Oh and the £20 application fee also put me off considering it would take months to even get that back and that was assuming he actually cooperated.

If he'd continued paying £30 a week as he did originally he would owe me £7,410. WOW. That's a bit eye opening.

If it had been the pitiful £5 split between the two children he lived with and DS, then it would be about £600. At £7 a week which is what it says now for on benefits (I'm not sure he is on benefits but he doesn't appear to be working), £1729.

I calculated mine on what he earned back when he still 'lived' with me ( I use this term lightly as he was only there if he didn't have a woman), I did his accounts so I knew.
Probably more!
It really is awful that these vile excuses of human beings won't put their hands in their pockets to make their own childrens lives easier... twats!

When I was claiming working tax credit as a lone parent there wasn't even a question on the form enquiring whether or not I was in receipt of maintenance from the father of my children. He could have been giving me £1000's every month and I would have got £450 a month. I was in an extremely low paid job so qualified for that amount. Getting tax credits kept me working until my salary increased over the years. I no longer qualify.

I'm so, so glad about this rule. When I was a child my father was supposed to pay my grandparents £64 a week. All the agencies counted that £64 a week despite the fact my grandparents never, ever saw a single penny from him. It almost crippled them financially because they basically got landed with 4 kids and got no financial help other than Child Benefit. In fact if my gr-granny hadn't died when she did and left a savings account with some money that no-one knew she had it would have ruined them.

I think the last letter I found that had came from CSA said that my grandparents were owed something like £34k, and that assumes he never had a better job at any point. Disgraceful really that he managed to dodge it for so long.

About £6000, but after years of cash in hand dodging, it'll be a lot more. I only receive £4 a week.

They should be prosecuted for child neglect.

31000 euros, sick prick contacted my daughter directly on Facebook, freaked the poor child out, after we moved miles to start a new life, and hide from him, after he proclaimed he didn't want anything to do with her to a judge 12+ years ago, now his partner is all over it like a rash telling me what a good man he is and how sad he is that he was "stopped" from seeing his daughter all those years ago and how after I "cheated" on him he was so depressed etc, funny thing I remember things a bit differently, like how he used me as his personal emotional punchbag, threatened to use me as his personal punchbag, he cheated not me, and in the end he violently attacked me to abduct my daughter, threatened to harm her. Then after I got a barring order and protection order, he broke them twice, but ya, he's changed, he wants to know his daughter, and wants to start paying maintenance again, funny how that it's taken like 4 months and counting for the first cheque to not yet arrive in the post to my mums address, langer, prick, twunt,

I really try not to take feminism to a man-hating place, but shit like this does nudge me in that direction.

My dd. was the result of a ONS. So obviously. There is no named father on her BC, so I have no experience of Maintenance Payments, but I have to say this before I bite my tongue off. Where is Dastardly Dave now. Why is he not hounding the absent parents for the payments. funny they're quick enough to hound none working lone parents to get out to work and pay their way. Perhaps they should go after the absent parent instead of Trying to make life more tougher for the resident parent. Who provides the care love and nurture

"This is awful. There really needs to be tougher sanctions against parents that don't pay. And paying £7 a week - wtf??"

£7 per week? Luxury!

I've no idea how much my ex owes now, he stopped paying anything the month his new DS was born less than a year after he left and that was nearly 3 years ago. In the last year he's had our DS every other weekend but rarely buys any clothes or shoes etc and when he does he keeps them at his house!

I was discussing with him how much I will lose from the child tax credit cut announced in the budget and he said maybe I need to get a second job!

There is nothing - and I mean nothing - in my 'profile' to suggest I somehow deserved what happened to me. But people look for it - it's kind of like divorce and single parenting are somehow catching and people are looking for a reason to say 'hey, I have immunity

^ So so true. I notice this all the time and have done since I had DD. They need to identify the thing you did "wrong" so they can distance themselves from your situation.

£3,400.00 and that's not counting the three years the CSA suspended his payments because apparnetly he had no employment. But maanged to live in a massive house nad drive flashy cars and had another child.

He works cash in hand and leaves employment as soon as he's caught. Altho I am one of the lucky ones for a few years he was in paid employment and I got CSA.

I did laugh at the CSA lady when she told me 'they don't count he doesn't have any payments pending for when he's not employed' riiiight presumably if I abdicate all financial repsonsiblity towards my children I would very rightly end up in prison making headlines in the Fail on the way.

It is only so prolific because it affects mainly women and children.

I've given up on it, but if we count the court order from about 3 years ago, then over 3000 euros. He's appealing it. It takes forever.

They should be prosecuted for child neglect.

This

Where I live it's actually a crime not to pay maintenance if ordered.

But he's living in the UK and I'm not sure I can be bothered.

About £36,000 - the prick lives and works overseas so nothing to be done. Better to let it go :/

I just worked out that he ducked out of paying £54,000 over the years.
He only ever paid for one year, after I chased him through the CSA.
Then he conveniently "lost his job" (he didn't, he worked it cash in hand).
Utter prick.

I have no idea how it's calculated but my father owes 18 years of child support for my sister and I. He is a family law solicitor too

However my sister has to pay $5/week (so that's about £2) in child support to her exDP for their three children. She has never paid a cent and nothing happens.

So Auatralians get away with not paying too.

I won't work it out because it is a bitter pill but I get zero maintenance for 3 dcs.

The ex hardly ever sees the kids and told them that when they do go they are not to be fed.
Instead they had to sit and watch their dad , ow her dcs and her parents tuck into a nice Sunday roast while they ate nothing.

He hasn't paid a cent since she was 2. She's 14 now. However he hasn't seen her in 5 years so I'll take that over the money any time.

Several thousand owed here. I'll never see it or more to the point his children won't ever feel it's effect on their childhoods.

I think it's a disgrace of society that so many fathers evade financial responsibility for their children. I can't believe we just accept it.

Euphemia. My ex was self-employed and got away with paying very little but when he had the children he took them out and spoiled them and took them on holiday. It really hurt when they came home full of how great dad was and I could not "compete" as I was struggling to keep a roof over our heads. If I had stopped them seeing him though they would have missed out on the treats and the good relationship they still have with him as adults.

BTW, my 10 year old knows his dad doesn't pay. I don't hide these things from him. He was told once because it came up and there's no need to remind him, but I don't think children should live in ignorance about these matters.
He knows all my bad and good points and should know about his dad's.

To a pp earlier, you can't and shouldn't limit access particularly when children already know their dads. Contact is for the children, not for the benefit of the parent.
While jail may seem unwarranted, I bet it would make most men think twice about non-payments. That or asset confiscation as it's done for things like council tax, FGS.

It sounds like a lot of non-paying parents object to what they perceive as giving money to the ex-partner, rather than the children
This is rather kind towards these fathers.
It doesn't sound like this at all from the thread. And I bet that's not the non-resident parent main concern. Most non-paying parents were crap husbands and fathers to start with.
It doesn't surprise me one bit that ex doesn't pay towards DS for that reason.

He was court ordered to pay 300pcm in January 2012..... So about £13,600. Court is well aware but just not interested. I'm sure if he was paying anything he would continuely threaten not to.